Are You An Alien Shapeshifting Reptile Person? I am. Allegedly.

Just take this nifty test, in the Atlantic Magazine!

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I test out positive!
I am an Alien Reptilian!
This fulfills a lifelong dream! I no longer bear one tiny little shred of collective guilt or responsibility for the endless, endless parade of idiocy, perpetrated daily by Humankind!


Are you a Reptilian, too?

Post here, my scaly brothers & sisters!

Dang so am I! Hsssssss…

Why should I need to take a test?

Not a maybe but an absolute yes but given my history with the ladies of the galaxy, is this really a surprise?

Capt Kirk

I don’t have to take the test. My innate love of boobs has already answered the question.

I am a normal Earthian mammalian lifeform, species Homo sapiens sapiens, “human”. I am not an advanced sapient reptiloid from the innermost planet of the Sigma Draconis star system. Like you, I am a homeothermic endotherm with a soft, pliable epidermis, and fully Earthian ancestry.

There is no need to be alarmed, fellow Earthian mammals! Do not believe these wild rumors about alleged advanced sapient reptiloid beings from the innermost planet of the Sigma Draconis star system somehow being present here in the Solarian System! These are simply foolish stories, told to amuse recently hatched youngsters, as part of the so-called “Halloween” celebrations.

“In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that advanced sapient reptiloids will come from the innermost planet of the Sigma Draconis star system to harvest Earthian mammalian humanoids for nutritional purposes.” – Carl Sagan

I’m an alligator lizard-type person myself. How do you like my new tail? I just re-grew it!

I’ve been accused of being from another planet a few times, but nobody ever said I was a reptile. I guess I’m a mammalian alien.

Conclusion: “You are a reptilian. Or have reptilian-compatible bloodlines or whatever.”


According to that test, all you need is green or blue eyes to be a reptile. So I’m in.

Jon Ronson’s Them is a great read on the subject. He spends time with a lot of different conspiracy theorists including the people who believe in reptilians. He even manages to sneak into one of the meetings where the conspiracy theorists believe the lizard people gather.


  1. My eyes are sometimes described as hazel, but they definitely appear as different colors.
  2. I have no idea whether my eyes are piercing, so I went with no.
  3. I occasionally had red hairs in my beard when it was first coming in. I counted this as half, so chose yes.
  4. I have a sense of being different than a lot of the human race.
  5. I sometimes have low blood pressure. I counted this as half, so chose no, having already picked yes before.
  6. Odd one, but, yes, I am deeply compassionate for mankind.
  7. My hearing and vision suck. No there.
    8-11. No UFO or supernatural stuff here. Though I do sometimes get unexplained wounds, they never leave scars.
  8. I can disrupt electrical appliances. I either turn them off or unplug them.
  9. Yeah, I love scientific stuff and am fascinated by cosmologists.
  10. I have friends who are not American citizens but who live in the U.S.

That’s 7/14, which is apparently more than enough. (6/14 worked, too.)

EDIT: Just checked. You get a “yes” even if you don’t choose any option. I think the fact that you even wonder if it might be true is enough.

Yip, checked the code. There is no “no” response. All the button does is make the button invisible and the “yes” response visible.

And then, I got Secret Illuminati Power™.
And you too can become a Alien Space Newt & get Secret Illuminati Power™.

Just buy our Magnetic Copper Secret Illuminati Space Newt Bracelet, for 99.95 (in Outer Slobbovian Pazoozies Only, Cash, no checks)!

Well, now I don’t feel special.

But if we are all Reptilians, who is controlling us?

Quis lacertiet ipsos lacertas?

Really, how can we know it’s not so? Why have such a human arrogance, so many things are unknown, and why deny ourselves this possible heritage? :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

I think you of the most amusing things about this entire silly idea is that the aliens supposedly come from various constellations. Not star systems, constellations. The stars in a constellation are many light years distant from each other and are only constellations when seen from our point of view. But, I don’t really think reality has a very good relationship with these poor folks.

She blinded me with science! (By spiting a venomous poison in my face.)

Okay. I hissed out loud at that one.