Are you friends with your exs?

It occurred to me today that I am friends with all the people I have ever been in relationships with. One is my best friend, the rest I see at least every couple of months or speak to a few times a year. If there was something major in my life I could expect genuine concern and support. I realise this is not the norm, but how weird is it?

I don’t think you’re weird for being in contact with your exes, but I’m not in contact with mine. I only have the one, and when I was done in that relationship, I was done. Also he didn’t take it well, and once someone’s threatened to kill you it’s difficult to take them drinking afterwards, you know? Perhaps if he hadn’t been such a weenie about it we’d still hang out; as it is I think he’s on another continent at the moment and that’s fine by me.

It’s seems slightly weird to be friends with ALL of them (unless you’ve got, like, two or something). My connections with exes tend to depend on how each party felt about the break-up and how our lives have diverged.

Of my major relationships (min 6 months, as a measure), one still tries to hit on me even though I was the dumpee so I avoid, two have moved away and started a new family so, whilst we’re on good/friendly terms, there just doesn’t seem a good reason to keep up on a regular basis, and the last I hurt so badly that she wants nothing to do with me, which is fair enough.

It’s always a shame to lose contact because my exes were always people I genuinely loved and got on with, and miss, but sometimes the baggage and the sensitivities of new partners just render the friendship difficult.

None - but that’s my personality. I am extremely private.

That’s what I thought. I’ve no idea where most of my old boyfriends even are. I can think of only one.

I am on a cautiously friendly basis with my first husband, since we have two children together. I haven’t seen my second husband in years. It’s not that we parted as enemies, it’s that we don’t run in the same circles or even live in the same town anymore.

My last serious girlfriend and I are the best of friends. Our breakup was quite amicable and we get along great and still do things together. My ex-wife I wish would die in a fire, except the excessive fat would cause an uncontrollable grease fire.

I keep in contact with one ex I dated casually - we were part of the same student organization in college and it was impossible not to keep in touch. Nowadays I only talk to him online occasionally.

I’ve only dated one other person seriously (apart from my current boyfriend) and our relationship ended in flames. So much has happened since then that I think we probably could be civil to each other at this point but I don’t care enough to make the effort to contact him.

Well I suppose 5 isn’t a huge sample size, ranging in length from almost 8 years to a very intense 3 months. I’m still at least acquaintances with about 70% of the people I have just dated though… maybe I’m just very friendly?

I remain friends with a few people I’ve dated, and I certainly would be friendly to others. But I have moved a lot in my past, so it’s as much a distance thing as anything else.

There is pretty much only one ex that I actively avoid dealing with. It happens to be my most current, though the avoidance isn’t due to pure recency. Two I’m very good friends with and make a point of seeing whenever I’m in the same town. The rest I would certainly sit down with if I saw them in a coffee shop, but time and distance have substantially weakened our ties.

I’m not sure how to answer this one, really–how do you define “friends”? I am certainly on *friendly terms *with most of my exboyfriends (e.g., we’re Facebook friends and occasionally throw eachother quick catch-up or congratulations messages). There’s only one I had to cut completely out of my life. But I wouldn’t call them friends anymore–though a lot of that’s 'cause almost none of them live in this city anymore, or never lived here.

I guess I would say I’m on friendly terms, but not at all close. As in, a short conversation online every few years.

I haven’t spoken to any of them in years. It’s not that we don’t get along, just that we stopped talking. I don’t even know where all but one are.

What she said. The only ex I keep in contact with at all I’m on fine terms with, but we’re not pals. We do some occasional, light kibitzing, but even if we lived in the same town (which we did for over a year after we broke up), that would be the extent of it. We wouldn’t hang out on the weekends or anything. The rest of my exes I don’t have any contact with at all.

I would say we are friendly, but not close friends. Of course it helps that most of them end up moving away.

Most of them I tried to stay friends with, but over time things would fade. The last time I talked to my latest ex was at her father’s funeral, 6 months after we broke up. There have been a couple of e-mails and phone messages since then, but the last of those was in February.

No. They are exes for a reason. I can’t really imagine them becoming an ex in any way that would allow for friendship later. YMMV.

Are you friends with anybody of the gender you’re attracted to but not interested in dating? It’s kind of like that, only you date them before you figure out you’re not a good match that way, at least in the long term. Or you like them, but just not well enough to keep forcing your way over all the obstacles involved (e.g., distance).

My first two girlfriends were people I kept in contact for years following our break-ups.

My ex-wife is another story, though.

Not anymore… it was just a ruse on each of our parts. We weren’t friends, we were keeping the other nearby for the occasional “old habits.”