Are you happy in the moment, or in hindsight?

So, I might look back at what I consider the happiest times of my life. The best jobs, the best relationships. And it’s so cool that I did those things. I wouldn’t give up those memories for anything. But was I happy at the time? For the most part, well, no. I know damned well that I was bitching and moaning the whole time as it was happening, and it’s only in hindsight that these times seem happy.

Conversely, right now, at this instant, I feel quite happy in the moment. I’m in my favorite chair, reading my favorite website, eating some good food. Heck, I could do this forever. And at times, I’ve done it for way too long stretches at a time. Will I look back at this instant and think of it as a happy time? I suspect not. I’ll forget it, or it’ll seem like an inconsequential waste of time.

It’s like running. After a run, I might say “wow, that was a really good run”. The sun on my face, the city air whizzing past. Awesome! But while I’m actually running, I’m hating every second of it. Running sucks, and for the most part, all I want to do is to stop running.

I think it depends on the experience.

I see child-rearing as a happy time when I look back on it. But I probably wouldn’t have characterized it that way while changing diapers or cleaning up messes.

I spent last week laying on a beach with a cooler, watching my dogs (and a few winsome lasses) frolic in the sun. I felt happy at that moment.

I’m happy in the moment. A moment which wasn’t happy then isn’t happy later.

If I ever find myself looking back and saying “oh, that time which at the moment felt horrible was actually so great”, either I’m experiencing nostalgia for the first time in my life, I’m starting to have Alzheimer’s, or both.

I’ve had some very happy moments:

  • winning various chess competitions
  • gaining chess ratings + titles
  • celebrating my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary (including a message from Queen Elizabeth)
  • buying my first house
  • organising successful events at work
  • watching England win the World Football Cup
  • watching England win the World Rugby Cup
  • having a lap dance in Las Vegas :wink:

But I’m happiest ‘in the moment’ because I’m retired, have no debts and have lots of spare time.

Sounds to me as though you are mixing things up in your own experiences there.

Take your run example, for example. You say that you felt bad while running, but after you say it was a good run. That’s not “deciding differently in hindsight.” That’s two separate experiences. You don’t enjoy RUNNING, but you do enjoy HAVING RUN.

Similarly, you enjoy messing about in the forums (so do I), but you might later rue the fact that you spent the time enjoying yourself here, instead of getting something else done. Again, two separate things. You don’t go back and rewrite your memories such that you now recall having a horrid time forumizing, you simply regret having spent the time.

It can and has been either, for me. sometimes I’m aware that I’m happy in the moment, and other times, it was only on reflection that I became aware.

For me this is one of those cases of “how literature changed your life”. There is a part of “The Handmaid’s Tale” when the protagonist looks back on her life ‘before’ thinking (I’m paraphrasing) ‘we thought we were unhappy then but we didn’t know we were happy’. That passage comes back to me at random times, such as when I think my job is the worst in the world or that my marriage is not entirely perfect. It puts things into perspective more than a simple “it could always be worse”.

I’m always happy in the moment. Little things delight me, and there’s usually something absurd to laugh about. So I have the opposite happen, where I look back and see how incredibly miserable situations were and how unhappy I was overall.

For me, happiness is mostly in hindsight. Oscar Levant said, “Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember.” I think he was absolutely correct.

I’ve had moments that felt like happiness—it’s a beautiful sunny day, everything in my life is going well, nothing onerous is hanging over me—but those moments are fleeting and I usually don’t remember them.

If you need to think about it, mayhaps your moment is not all that great?

I am ecstatic to report that I live in real time.

I think this is an excellent question and one I’ve not pondered before.

I am happiest in hindsight (which, I think, is a flaw).

For example, I went to a wedding last month. I freakin’ hate weddings. During the reception I was counting down to 11:00, when it was scheduled to end. 11:00 came and went and I was disappointed that I still had to be there.

But the next day, after being asked about the wedding from cow-orkers, I said it was nice, I had a great time.

And I meant it.

Pretty weird.
mmm

Having gotten a little older and not having had all that happy a life, I do find myself, in particular moments, just smiling and saying “I am happy right now”.

There may be other things coming, I may be stressed to the gills and my body telling me all about it. But there are those moments, and I’m learning to take note when they happen and acknowledge them without immediately turning to all the stuff that should be keeping me from being happy.

After reading this thread, I’ll try to “live in the moment” more. I know “mindfulness” is a watchword now, but it deserves to be.

Okay, here’s my vow:

As Grabthar’s hammer is my witness, tomorrow I’ll pause and look around and say “Hey, sun’s out, there’s a bird, no hurricanes, didn’t lose a leg yet today… this is a good moment.”

At times I’ll find myself enjoying the moment, whether it be a breeze, a smell, a sound, or especially watching my two 14 year old daughters enjoy each other’s company. These moments are fleeting, and as the years go by I think I’ve gotten better at recognizing when the going is good and enjoy it quietly.

I’m trying to focus more on appreciating the moment, but in all honesty, this is one of the happier periods of my life. So am I appreciating the moment more or am I just generally more happy in any given moment than I was in the past?

I think we remember happy incidents more easily than time periods. My wedding day was, in my subjective opinion, perfect. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I remember at the end of the day saying to my husband, ‘‘That day was pretty much perfect,’’ so I know I’m not just being selective (some arguably shitty things happened involving family, but I didn’t let it harsh my mellow.)

That was one day during a time period that was generally stressful and shitty. Hell, planning the wedding was itself stressful. But I look back on that as a good year because I think we have a tendency to generalize from those big moments.

Some of both, I guess. Some of my most treasured memories weren’t exactly end-to-end marvellous at the time. I got stressed, or loads of blisters, or spent the trip back being sick, or I had no idea if I was going to get out safely or something, but there was something that happened that was good enough to be worth it.

I can be perfectly happy in the moment just sitting in the sunshine watching the birds, but those moments blur. It’s a different kind of happiness.

Or perhaps joy causes you to reflect and revel in said emotion?

I think there is a difference between happy and satisfying. Someone recently asked me if writing fiction makes me happy. Sometimes it does, but it’s a lot of work, it’s frustrating, it often exacerbates my neuroses, and it’s largely thankless. It’s also one of the more deeply satisfying things I’ve ever done. It is not an endless joyfest but there is something that satisfies me on such a fundamental level that I can’t imagine not doing it.

Like this. (link to Oatmeal comic.)

I knew what comic that was without looking :smiley:

That’s not quite what I meant though- take scuba diving. There’s a ton of messing about wearing very uncomfortable gear, and about 30% of the experience is actually pretty unpleasant- mouthfuls of seawater, moments of (to me at least) pretty terrifying disorientation… It’s just that the other 70% is just freakin’ awesome, it’s the feeling of flying, the happy relaxation I get from nature, the fascination of seeing things I’ve never seen before and a sneaky sensation that I’m breaking all the rules (breathing underwater?! Take that, biology!) all jumbled up together and dialled up to 11.

It’s euphoric happiness, not relaxing happiness.

Every time I go diving (which is not very often, partly because it’s very expensive, and also because, after a coral reef, a flooded quarry in England is a bit of a let down), I have that moment at the start when I’m sweating and feeling like a whale in a badly fitted wetsuit, with my eyes stinging from the salt, wondering why I’m doing something so daft. Then every time on the way back I’m grinning ear to ear, and I’m bouncy happy for days.

There were a few brief, shining months, after Celtling’s Dad left and before the custody court nightmare started, that were very nearly perfect.

I was an exhausted working Mom, but very clear every day that this was the happiest I had ever been, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Even when she woke up in the night I cherished rocking her and singing to her, and the smell of her little head.

We laughed together every day and her school achievements were breathtaking. She preferred information to food, and sucked in everything as fast as we could present it to her - then put it all together in ways that awed us.

I knew how happy I was, and the memories have sustained me through the ensuing horror.