A question inspired by this thread about negative people, but I felt it would be more appropriate to start my own thread rather than posting there.
Are you misunderstood?
There was one particular post by Arcite in that thread (#13 specifically) where he was talking about the way his father may have taken the wrong message about career change advice because of his personality and/or world view (my interpretation of the post) that got me thinking about this.
Does this happen to you and if so how often? Do people ask you for advice or opinions about something and then take away an entirely different message that what you were trying to convey? What Arcite surmises may have happened with his father happens to me from time to time. People ask me for advice or opinion on this or that. I look at the matter and give the best most impartial answer I can with both pros and cons if appropriate and sometimes the response is an immediate “so its not possible then” when that isn’t what I said at all.
when I posted that a few minutes ago, it seems so intelligent, coherent, and … damn if I know now. Its been a long exhausting night and I didn’t even get to drink dammit! I’m going to bed now.
I find that sometimes people take what one has said and apply it towards the decision they already wanted to reach, even if subconsciously. A small example would be the college roommate who always used to ask me which outfit to wear. She already had a preference, but for some reason hearing me state mine would allow her to pick the other one. I recognized this quickly and started just randomly picking “A” then “B” and would never seriously honor her request for a recommendation afterwards.
So, perhaps, you are communicating clearly and have offered good advice. The listener may have already made up their mind and therefore uses your words to fit their desire. Maybe it’s not you, it’s them.
A simple experiment to test this would be to ask your audience, “Why do you pick course of action?” Their answer should reveal whether they misunderstood you and just need a short conversation with someone to solidify the decision they had already made.
If folks are misunderstanding you, then you can work on being clearer. If folks like to use you as a sounding board, then don’t sweat it. You might put less time into actually giving them advice, and more time into listening.
The best way I deal with being misunderstood is the same as dealing with people who don’t speak English. Just talk louder and louder until they give up and walk away.
Surely that is pretty much true on a far broader basis than that. People have opinions about things based on feelings and hunches and then retroactively justify them with “logic” but convince themselves that the thinking came first. I think you can see that most clearly in political debates in which you are neutral. Sports fans are fairly transparent too.
If you ask me for advice or for an opinion, you’ll get it straight, no chaser. There’s really not much room for interpretation. I can’t really remember anyone coming back and asking “What did you mean when you said. . .?” Military training, I guess.
Doesn’t happen to me. I can’t remember the last time anybody asked me for advice.
I heard an interesting idea once. When you have a decision to make, you flip a coin for it; but in that moment before you look at it you’ll be hoping for either heads or tails, and that tells you which choice to make. Something about that determining moment focuses your thoughts on what you really want. I wonder if your college roommate was using you the same way. Maybe her reaction to your advice focused her thoughts in a way nothing else could.
I don’t like to abandon threads I start, even if I post…less than coherently…after a night of driving drunken women home from a bachelorette party <shudder>
So far there have been some interesting and some amusing replies.
I find kunilou’s the most amusing thus far:) and Robot Arm’s the most interesting:cool:.
On review, I’m still not sure what I was aiming for when I first posted.
not much to spill really.
One of Mrs. Guests co-workers is getting married so they decided to throw a bachelorette party for her. Two other husbands of attendees and Myself [del]agreed[/del] were voluntold to be Driver Dan the Taxi Man for everyone who didn’t have a ride already arranged. That turned out to be about 20 of the 30(ish? the number seems to have varied throughout the evening) women.
Thank God, Og, The FSM, Chthulu, Satan, whatever supernatural being or eldritch god, my wife rode with me while I was driving.
Now, I don’t mind older women, or even the idea of sex with older women. I draw the line at drunk women, especially drunk older women who look like they’ve led a rather rough life and been put up wet.
Some of the women she works with, when drunk, have no shame, morals, scruples, or [del]fucks[/del] damns to give. <shhudder>
I will never ever provide driving services for an entire group of worked up horney drunk women ever again.
Any woman who ever complains about men being pigs…SHUT YOUR HOLE!!!
I work remotely, and have met few of my coworkers over the years, but I still like most of them (there’s a few dipshits, but anyways…)
Now I am renowned for being an acerbic and sarcastic bitch on our chat function…I make jokes, I crack puns, I do ANYTHING to make our workday somewhat bearable…and most of the time it’s fine.
But then you get ONE person without a sense of humour, someone with an inability to discern sarcasm from regular banter, or THE ONE EMPLOYEE with a retarded kid, and you’re fucked.
Meanwhile, I seem to be most often misunderstood in E-mails and message board posts, which I put down to a lack of emotional/attitude cues. Emoticons just don’t quite cut the mustard.
Are you married or otherwise romantically spoken for? Do you or your spouse/significant other have a friend or know someone planning on getting married soon?
[class action ambulance chaser] if so, you may be entitled to fair compensation [/class action ambulance chaser]
Honestly, it just sort of worked out that way. I’ll never do it again, I’m a team player not a masochist.
