In this thread, Shirley Ujest and others mention being related to or knowing former (Catholic, I presume) nuns and former priests.
If you are a former nun/priest or know someone who is:
Why did you (they) get into religious orders? For example, a genuine calling? Pushed into it by family?
How and why did you get out of religious orders?
Did you have a loss or alteration of faith when you left religious orders?
The only ex-nun or ex-priest I’ve ever known was our parish priest when we were small; he was doing divorce counseling for a lady parishioner, their eyes met over a crucifix, and that was that. But other than that, I’ve got nothin’, so I’m interested to know others’ reasons for getting out of religious orders.
I’m not and never was Catholic, but dated a guy who was. He went to a Catholic high school and then went straight into seminary - he was there for three or four years before deciding he didn’t have a true calling. I once asked him why he left - he said he discovered what “nun” meant: “ain’t had nun, ain’t gonna get nun.”
He is still a faithful Catholic - even to the point of getting his marriage annulled by the Church when he divorced.
When I was 13, the ecclesiastical deacon they put in charge of the altar boys left not only his Holy Orders, but also town, and quickly, along with a (married, mother of three) female parishoner. In the possessions that he left behing were several pornographic novels. Thirteen is a great age to be just outside the center of a scandal.
My aunt was a nun. I think she did have a calling, but was also pushed by the family - the son earmarked for the priesthood died and she had to pick up the slack (13 kids from a Catholic family, somebody had to do it).
I’m not entirely sure why she left, it wasn’t something my mother talked about, she left in the late 70s. Could be as simple as not getting along with the new priest or as complicated as a disagreement with what the pope was saying. I’ve never had the nerve to ask, as I think it was probably a very personal decision.
My aunt carries on much as she did as a nun, with good works, helping in the community and schools and she is still active in the church. She married at the age of about 60, which was years after she left the convent.
*Slight hijack - dang, that convent was such a disappointment to me. Nine years old, visiting my aunt the nun, I was expecting a convent out out the Sound of Music. It was an ordinary suburban house in CA, with the nuns in regular street clothes. I had a great time, but shame about the scenery.
I’m not entirely sure why my aunt left, it wasn’t something my mother talked about. My aunt left the church in the late 70s. Could be as simple as not getting along with the new priest or as complicated as a disagreement with what the pope was saying. I’ve never had the nerve to ask, as I think it was probably a very personal decision.
My late wife, and the love of my life, entered a nunnery at 17. She was primarily
motivated by a desire to please her very strict father. She was persuaded to leave the
order after about 6 months w/ the suggestion she could return when she was better
motivated. Her father expressed his disappointment and within a few months she rebelled
, left home and took a job, in New Orleans, as a telephone operator. She became
intimate, for the first time, w/ the first guy she met. Unfortunately he was somewhat
shiftless and of low moral character They married and had two children before she realized
she could do better. She was a complicated person partly because of her unresolved religious
issues which conflicted w/ a zest for life. She fulfilled a dream by becoming an RN in her
mid 30’s and unfortunately succumbed to cancer at 38.
She was not actively religeous during most of her adult life, but turned to the Southern
Baptist Church shortly before her death.
She died in 1986 and I miss her every day.
My aunt became a nun in the 1950s at a pretty young age and quit in the early 1970s. It is hard to say why she quit–she is still pretty devout and strict, it would seem, and did not pick up a boyfriend until very late in life. When I asked her about it, she does not seem evasive but nevertheless doesn’t have a very clear-cut answer. Just didn’t feel fulfilled any more, started too young before she knew what she was getting into, stuff like that.
I know several former priests, or seminarians who almost became priests, and a couple of ex-nuns:
**1. Why did they get into religious orders? For example, a genuine calling? Pushed into it by family? ** In all cases, their reasons were sincere, but they were very young when they made the commitment. In one case the person (a seminarian who was not actually ordained) explains that he had a calling to help others, and that for someone of his social class and economic limitations the Church was the only option. He, and all the other former priests and nuns I know, went on to become social workers, activists or development workers.
2. How and why did they get out of religious orders? In all cases - a relationship. The seminarian above, told me he 'had an affair with an older woman who happened to be a nun :eek: '. In one other case, the ex priest in question - a Nicaraguan - was also involved in a dispute with the mainstream Church because of its stance on the Sandinista government in Nicaragua which was an additional factor in his leaving the priesthood.
**
3. Did they have a loss or alteration of faith when they left religious orders?** I’ve only spoken about this with the two I mention above. The others I don’t know that well. One of the former nuns at least does not strike me as at all devout. The former seminarian told me he doubts he really believed in the first place, he just didn’t question and the priesthood was, as I said, merely the only available means for him to fulfil his ambition to help others. The Nicaraguan is probably still a believer, but is completely estranged from the Church.
My former neighbor in Indianapolis is a former nun. As a novitiate, her superiors recognized a talent that would have been squandered had she been allowed to continue as a nun, and they urged her to seek higher education outside the order.
She went on to get a PhD in Clinical Psychology, and had many years of a successful practice as a faith-based marriage counselor before retiring.
Someone I know very well was a nun for 20 years, was very active and was important in her order. She left and married a priest. She says she entered religious life due to idealism. I don’t know if she left to get married or it was just a coincidence that she met her husband as she was thinking of leaving. She’s not clear about that.
As a result of knowing her I know of several former nuns who went on to big things. Our former Attorney General, Arlene Violet, was a nun. The director of our state’s Sexual Assault & Trauma Resource Center was also a nun.
My mom entered the convent right out of high school. She went in because she felt a calling and probably a bit because she didn’t think she had a lot of other options.
She left the convent because they served liver every wednesday. She hates liver and couldn’t stand the thought of eating it once a week for the rest of her life.
She is still a very active Catholic and very devout, although I think she says she is a “New Catholic” or somesuch. Looking for female clergy and things like that I think.
Anyway, I enjoy liver because if not for liver I wouldn’t exist! I think I’ll have a braunschweiger sandwich and celebrate my life.
My brother’s best mate from when they started primary school at the age of 4 or 5 entered a seminary at the age of about 20 after spending a year or so at his family’s home in Ireland considering it. He’d always had the look of a priest about him and I am sure it was entirely his own decision: his family was naturally very proud of him but they didn’t strike me as the sort who would have sought to influence him.
After his ordination as a Redemptorist, he spent a good few years in parishes in Scotland. Then he suddenly jacked it all in to be with a 56 year-old woman with multiple sclerosis.
The brother took it quite badly and refused to speak to him for ages. They were reconciled, however, and now speak regularly on the telephone. But the brother still shies away from talking about the woman.
Also, my former Parish Priest when I lived in Kilburn ran away with his secretary. He was quite an informal priest in the first place - he drank, smoked and cursed as much as his average parishioner - but it came as a bit of a shock that he was a womaniser as well.
I had a friend from grade school until graduation that thought he knew everything, and I found to be an aggressive personality. I saw him for a couple years after graduation. I forbid any family member from telling him or his family where I lived or worked. He joined the Army and got kicked out. He went to a Seminary and got kicked out. Eight years ago he started to walk into the Diocese and the Nuns were in a panic about him, but I don’t remember the exact reason. My mother knew who it was, and sent him on his way before he got into the building proper. Two weeks later the paper had information about him being on trial for bilking thousands from people, using a religious cover for the job. He got off because the people didn’t prosecute him after he was caught. They said they needed to forgive him. This guy is probably a cult leader by now. He decided right after the Army gig, that being a priest or minister or whatever type of religious leader would be the best way to become wealthy.
His was a genuine calling; from what I’ve heard he was an excellent pastor, and greatly loved his work, but
His marriage, unfortunately, ended. Orthodox priests are allowed to be married, but they must marry before ordination. He could have continued to be a priest, but he would have had to remain celibate. He didn’t feel this was a viable option, and so with much regret left the priesthood and remarried. Interestingly, he’s still friends with his ex-wife, and in fact they attend the same church.
Nope. He’s still a committed Orthodox Christian, and greatly misses being a priest. His leaving the priesthood was solely due to the requirements of canon law, not because he had any problems with it.
My mother used to be a nun, but she doesn’t talk about it or why she left, to me at any rate. I didn’t even know about it until my dad and I saw a movie with nuns in it when I was in high school and he said something casually - he didn’t know I hadn’t known.
She (from a strict Irish Cathoic family) was pushed into it by her father when she fell in love with my grandfather, a Welsh Protestant.
I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but love prevailed, and she left, and married my grandfather.
I never really thought it was weird until her funeral. We, the very small family – perhaps 10 members – were definitely outnumbers by the church packed full of other nuns there for the service. Weird, but, IMHO, very, very cool.
I don’t know any former nuns or priests, but I wanted to chime in and mention a book by a former nun that was pretty interesting: Through the Narrow Gate: A Memoir of Spiritual Discovery, by Karen Armstrong.
Also on this topic, there’s an Australian mini-series about nuns called Brides of Christ. It tracks the lives of several nuns during the 60’s. Some of them remain with their order and some of them don’t.
And while I’m here, I can’t help but recommend The Nun’s Story, both the book by Katherine Hulme and the movie starring Audrey Hepburn.
A close friend of the family is a former nun - I believe she left when she met her husband (several decades ago - we didn’t get to know her until some time after her children were grown and her husband had died). I don’t know the specifics of her time in the habit, as it were, but I do know that she remained a faithful Catholic after leaving - indeed, my mother met her when they were working together at a Catholic elementary school.