I don’t want any company during vomiting. If I’m in the bathroom, door closed, throwing up, I’ve basically got everything under control for the moment (well, as much as possible) and just want to get it over with. Check on me when I’m done.
If the vomiting takes “too long” (more than maybe a minute or two), come check on me while it’s in progress. If I’m not in the bathroom and vomiting - help! (We live on a single floor so location is easier to figure out in that situation.)
I caught a load of shit for stopping to put on a slicker before I helped my wife the last time she ralphed. She looked at me and said “Who are you, the Gorton’s fuckin’ fisherman?”
Lesson learned.
I would have gone the extra distance and donned one of those biohazard suits like in Outbreak. I’m extremely vomit-phobic and I’d expect that any spouse of mine would respect my neurosis and puke on their solitary own. Likewise, I wouldn’t expect any assistance either.
Heh. I’d have killed ya, Lieu. 
I have had the puking discussion with my husband. He hasn’t puked EVEN ONCE since he got out of Vietnam in 1966. Therefore, I have strict orders to call the paramedics first, because he will surely be at death’s doorstep.
Now my son, on the other hand, is a world-class puker. He’d puke at the mall, walking along a garden path, just about anywhere. I got very used to him puking. Imagine my husband’s surprise when, after Kalhoun, Jr. had puked for about 15 minutes, I yelled through the door for him to “SAVE IT SO I CAN SEE IT, HONEY!”
See, once when he was sick, he puked so much that he actually tore up his stomach and was puking blood. THAT scared me, so I always had to check his puke after that to make sure he wasn’t bleeding to death.
Husband hasn’t quite gotten over that. And it’s been 15 years.
It’s not like there’s a whole hell of a lot you can do. I mean, your presence is not going to stop the vomiting, is it?
I think you did well. On top of everything else, I’d be highly embarrassed for Ivylad to see vomit coming out of me. Hell, we’ve been married more than 14 years and he still hasn’t seen me pee.
I guess it depends on the relationship. So I would not presume to tell you what is right or wrong.
Now, has he rushed to your side when you’ve been throwing up?
Classic case of if yer SO and you haven’t had the conversation before, nobody has any right to expect anything. It amazes me sometimes how often we human types expect our loved ones to read our minds.
I honestly don’t think Mr. Rilch is justified in growling at you this time… but next time, now you know, he would be.
Personally, I don’t want anyone watching me while I puke, but I like having mr. emilyforce comforting me, patting my arm, etc. afterwards. But if he gets too worried (like he does when I have a migraine), I wish he’d relax, because sometimes it’s worse knowing I can’t make him feel better!
I’m an emetophobe too, Judith Prietht (yes, there’s actually a name for it!), so even though the issue has never come up, my husband knows that if he gets sick, I will immediately be as far from him and the sound as possible, probably curled up in a ball with my fingers in my ears, shaking. I’ll be concerned and guilty enough to try to take care of him when he’s done, and listen enough to make sure he isn’t choking or something, but that’s probably all I’ll be able to bring myself to do. Luckily we haven’t had to deal with this yet!
Yeah, I’d like some help. But I hardly ever throw up.
I used to hate anything connected with vomit, but it’s surprising what having two kids will do for your nerves. I can clean up anything now.
I guess you could sympathy puke along with him. Some folks will hurl just because they heard someone else doing so. I wish I knew someone like this so I could walk by and go “Hhhhuuuuunnnnnngggghh” and have them blow at will. The cheaper the entertainment the better.
I’m of the “keep a respectful distance, but let them know you’re there in case they start puking up body parts” school of thought.
Personally, it isn’t the sight of someone throwing up as much as the sound and the smell. Both of them just … well…make me want to puke (or, as my 4 year old calls it “Daddy, I’ve go the ookies.”) Still, if my daughter gets sick I do what I have to do. With my SO, I figure she’s got everything under control 'til I hear otherwise (a “thunk” as her dehyrdated body hits the floor will probably be my cue).
Unless the house is on fire or something similar, I’m there.
I will ask if MrsTuffPaws needs assistance, if not, then I will leave her be. One should always ask, then just get the fuck out of the sick one’s way.
I too want to be left alone if the situation were reversed, but asked if I was really okay at least.
Count me in as one as well tho I have made progress in the sympathy hurling portion of that. The sound is enuf to make me uncomfortable, the sight is horrid to me and if I get a whiff of that then the gagging starts. The fun part of this is that my wife likes to puke on purpose. When she has the urge to hurl (like after 3 Long Island Iced Teas) she does it just to get it out of the way. I see the signs and I am generally in the opposite end of the house.
Asking a person who is vomitting “are you alright” is so wrong in so many ways.
The right question(s) to ask are:
*Whats wrong?
*Are you going to be alright?
*Can I get you anything?
*Are you done yet?
*Do you need anything?
*Do you want me in there? No? Good.
*I’ll be over here if you need me. munching on these goodies yum yum ok that wasnt a question, but it lets them know our relative locations.
*Do you need a doctor?
*Should we take you somewhere?
*You are going to clean that up, right?
BTW, whay was mr Rilchiam tossing his cookies?
and there is nothing so strange as hearing your SO in that Darth Vader kind of voice “…I’m alright dear…”
ALL bathroom moments are meant to be done alone.
I will go to the door and ask “are you alright” but I won’t go in.
I think you were very sweet afterwards and he shouldn’t have griped.
Better to be present but with your aid unneeded, than to be absent when he needs you.
The couple that voids together, stays together.
If I’m puking it’s likely because I’ve eaten something I’m allergic to so someone had darnwell BETTER be haunting to the bathroom door. No you don’t have to come in while I’m doing it, but it’s not a given that I’ll be able to get back to bed, so yah, I need the help.
At a guess, from Mr. Rilchiam’s perspective, it probably looked a bit callous that you were horking your dinner down while he was having a traumatic moment.
But it sounds like you were very sweet to him afterwards, so he should just give it up.
Wow, such a lot of responses! Sorry I didn’t get back to this earlier!
—First off, he now says he was just cranky and not really mad at me.
—I did bring up to him the time when I had a cold and sent him out for juice. I was lying in bed, all dehydrated, and I heard the front door open…then nothing for fifteen minutes. He had to poop the minute he got in; couldn’t bring me my juice first. Grrr…
—Other than that, though, he’s very sweet to me when I’m sick.
—We still don’t know why he was ill. It wasn’t the food, because it didn’t happen again. Just a freak thing, I guess. He has a much weaker stomach than I do, for some reason. Maybe he had too much of the pizza.
—I don’t sympathy-puke, so that’s not an excuse. It’s just that I was eating! It’s not like I refused to step away from the computer, or put down the book or turn off the TV. If I had been on the computer (in the office right next door to the bathroom), I would have been at his side in an instant. But I was downstairs; he was upstairs; I had just taken my first bite…
—And I did minister to him afterwards, patting his head and so forth. It’s not like I shrugged it off entirely.
—Yes, his mom did coo over him quite a bit as a kid. Friend and I have discussed this at length (not this specific incident; just Mr. Rilch’s only-child entitlement).
—Oh well. As emilyforce said, next time I’ll know!
I’d think it was wierd if my husband finished his dinner while I was puking, but, hey, that’s just us. It helps to have someone hold my hair, get me some mouthwash, etc. Yes, it’s cooing, but, hell, if I’m feeling bad enough to throw up, I want some babying!
That’s one thing no one will ever replace a mom for - holding hair and the cool cloth. I remember being violently ill with the stomach flu after I graduated college - and although it makes her nauseous, my mom sat in the bathroom for two hours with me while I retched and puked everything I’d eaten for two weeks.
Mommies are good for that:).
Ava