Are you supposed to drop everything when you hear your spouse puking?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I’m so glad you brought this up! I realized UncleBill and I hadn’t had the puke discussion yet. I have thrown up once during the time we’ve been married, but it happened quite suddenly and we really didn’t get a chance to talk about it. He now knows that I’d like to be left alone, though expressions of concern are welcome, and a sort of general checking to make sure I’m not dying or anything is a good idea.

Now I’m hoping it will be a moot issue, since this was the first time I’d vomited in almost 13 years (Kalhoun, your husband’s streak leaves me in awe) and I intend to go at least that long before I do it again.

42

Their own or someone else’s?:smiley:

What is it with all the puking? Is it normal for people to puke every so often? I very rarely puke, and the only time Jim’s ever puked was after his bachelor party (you can imagine the cause of that little stomach upset). Are we not normal?

Well, have to go have the Puke Talk with Jim. I thought we’d covered everything (toilet paper rolls, folding towels, squeezing toothpaste, sheets tucked in or out), but apparently not.

43

Wow, I have done this for sisters and good friends, and they’ve all been really thankful. It never would have occurred to me to let a sick loved one just puke their brains out while I went on about my business. It’s gross and it’s no fun, but I thought everyone appreciated having their hair held, their barf cleaned up for them, and their needs for water/blankets/clean clothes tended to by someone who cares about them. Nobody’s ever said that they felt it was weird or embarrassing or annoying that I did this for them. In fact, all of them were thankful.

I’m just stunned that there are people out there who just want to be ignored when they’re vomiting. Huh. I learn something new every day.

44

if my b/f pukes its because he drank to much and i just leave him alone!!
weird thing- he pukes in the tub not the toilet (why!?)

45

Nobody has ever rushed over, held my hair, or in any other way done anything with me when I was being sick. Not my mother, not my husband, no one. My son did offer to wash out my bucket if I needed it, when I was sick once (I never had to use the bucket, nor would I have let a 7 year old do that for me, but the offer was genuine and very sweet)… My mom would buy me ginger ale but I had to get it myself from the fridge. My husband will bring me ginger ale for about 24 hours, after which point he gets tired of it and starts resenting me. Dominic dotes on me when I’m sick and offers to get me stuff about every 15 minutes. He’s an angel.

Generally I have to tell my husband “I just threw up” to which he replies “Yeah, I heard. I’m sorry.”

When he is sick, I wait til the retching stops and call to ask if he is ok… then I ask if I can get him anything when he comes out.

Dropping everything seems a bit pointless.

Anecdote: Shortly after we were married, my husband had bronchitis and decided to drink some Jim Beam to both help his cough and help him sleep. He didn’t have a shot glass so he just sort of poured it into a regular glass and started to drink out on the couch. I went to bed.

Some time in the night I heard a splash sound. We had painted concrete floors, I should mention. I heard another splat/splash sound, and then a trail of splattering sounds come through the bedroom and into the bathroom. Then I heard strangling sounds, followed by him coming out, getting into bed, and passing out. I couldn’t wake him up.

I spent the next 45 minutes cleaning bourbon-and-pizza vomit out of the couch, off the floor in a number of places, off a trunk, out of a pile of laundry, and out of the sink, where he had tossed most of it rather than in the toilet. I nearly hurled myself. then I drove out to the end of Campbell Ave in the foothills and had myself a long cry and about an hour’s rest. In the morning, he didn’t remember any of it. :confused:

46

I am in the yes camp, but only if it is unexpected. I used to be in the yes always camp, because growing up in a household with iron stomachs(You need one on a ranch sometimes) if you were puking, you were dying. Now, my partner has gastroparesis, and he probably has to throw up one a week or so. He does not want me to come running each time, he prefers that we just kind of ignore it.

For about six months before he got on the pill routine that worked he threw up almost at least once a day. It would come and go, sometimes he would throw up the minute anything got in his stomach. We got very familiar with the emergency room, and he ended up losing 120 pounds over that 6 months. Once a week feels like a miracle compared to that.

47

Yeah, often there’s not much you can do for the sick person, but I always felt a little better knowing that someone cared about me enough to be worried and/or to want to try to comfort me.

I feel kind of bad for people who never had anyone fuss over them when they were sick. Man, sometimes Mom’s cold washcloths, milkshakes, and/or ginger ale were the only things that kept me from feeling utterly miserable.

I don’t mean that I expect to be hovered over and treated like a queen, or anything, but a little attention and concern is nice.

48

When I was a kid and I’d get sick, from about 3rd grade on, my mom would just leave a bottle of ginger ale in the fridge and go to work. I always wished I had a mom who was “fussy” but she didn’t even cook dinner for me. She would eat frozen dinners in her room and I’d eat frozen dinners or breakfast cereal in mine, and it was like that as far back as I can remember, until I got to high school… at which point she ate frozen dinners and I occassionally ate actual food in my room.

When my son is sick, I always rush to his side, btw. He’s 7 and throwing up scares the hell out of him–but I’d do it anyway.

49

Oh, and “worried and/or try to comfort” isn’t precluded by waiting til they’re done ralphing to express your concern or offer help.

50

Oh, so it was a PIZZA puke. Why didn’t you say that earlier!? That justifies leaving the country!

51

Isabelle, only toilet-related bathroom moments are meant to be alone. Baths and showers are very nice to share. Handwashing is quite neutral.

Mr cajela (aka roedmi) and I like to be left strictly alone when vomiting, but a token “do you need anything?” is very welcome.

52

Oh, I’m not saying it’s not good when others help out when I’m sick - my best friend in college once played nursemaid for me in our apartment for three days. I’m just saying that for some reason, I tend to feel better sooner if Mom’s the one taking care of me.

But I’ve held hair of friends when they’ve gotten sick. I used to take care of my roommate in NYC when he got sick and he’d do it for me - it was usually because one of us had drunk too much tequila. It’s not embarrassing to us.

Ava

53

Cat Whisperer I agree! I can’t believe this even comes up that often (excuse the pun). We are not drinkers… maybe that is part of it. I have only thrown up once as an adult from illness that I can think of. The other times I was taking strong antibiotics before and after a surgery and the meds were rough on my stomach. My husband has had a stomach virus twice in the 5 years we’ve been married, which is way more frequent than me, but still seems rather rare after reading this thread. :slight_smile:

For us - we are “leave me alone but maybe ask if I’m okay”. I REALLY want to be left alone, because it makes me feel more anxious and panicky at the thought that I would be doing that in front of someone. I am pretty phobic of it as well and the thought of it being a “spectator” thing freaks me out. Like stargazer said… I actually HAVE ran away when my husband was vomiting! Fingers in the ears and crying huddled in the garage and everything. It just really really freaks me out for some reason. Like full-on fight or flight mode. I have 2 little kids now though so I guess I better get used to being more comforting…

54

I can never resist a vomit related thread, which is odd since it is at the top of my most hated things in life list. If I am puking, which is virtually never, stay the hell away from me. If I get even the slightest inking of nausea that might result in throwing up I am removing myself from whatever situation. I can’t imagine what, other than some funky illness would make me suddenly be ill but if it is even remotely within my physical power, I will retreat to any place of solitude and remain there until the evilness has passed. If you (any you. general you. you personally. YOU) are pukey I will not help you. I will not hold your hair. I will not allow you in my vehicle. If you are already in my vehicle I will jettison you unto the side of the road.

55

You say that you called out to him when you heard the bathroom door squeak. When exactly was that – seconds after the puking, after a period where you could hear dry heaving, or was there a long pause between the last sound and the door being opened?

Even if my spouse wouldn’t come in, I’d at least like to hear “Sweetie, are you okay?” outside the bathroom door ASAP.

56

This thread is twelve years old.

57

That’s definitely too long to let your puking spouse wait.

58

Hell, my psycho-ex used to bitch at me for puking too loudly. Sympathy wasn’t one of her strong points.

59

Christ, I don’t remember!

Anyway, I think with all the foot massages, back massages, head-rubs and other ministrations I’ve given him in the last 12 years, I’ve more than made up for this one transgression, if transgression it was.

60

Do Zombies puke? (I mean, what manner of search topics led to this 12-13 year old thread?)

That stated, I live alone so puking in solitude is my lot in life. Come to think of it, the last time I upchucked, it was at my Brother’s house two Christmas’s ago, and neither he or anyone else came to help…which is just as well, it was…not pretty.

I got better.