Are you the baby of the family? And are you still treated as such?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m a cross between the baby of the family and an only child. Let me explain…

I was an afterthought, though apparently planned. I was born when my sister and brother were nine and eight years old, respectively. From what I’ve been told, they were enchanted with me (especially my sister), and loved taking care of me. We led a normal (well, normally dysfunctional) family life as I was growing up.

My brother and sister were teenagers in the 70s, which involved drug use, parties, and the like. Once they had a huge party when my parents were away. It seemed to me like everyone in their high school showed up. Everyone was drinking Brador (the strongest beer you could get in those days), and people were taking bong hits and the like. And there was me, the novelty of the party, drinking beer at the age of seven. They all thought it was a hoot.

After the party, my brother and sister had to hide the leftover beer in the backyard, and would make me drink it. They also gave me a small piece of brown stuff that they called chocolate, but I’ve since realized was hash, and told me to eat it. I don’t recall what happened after that, for obvious reasons.

In any case, they grew up and straightened up (so to speak), moved out, got married, and had kids. So during most of my own high school years, I was an only child. Dinner was no longer a daily ritual; it was catch-as-catch-can.

I didn’t rebel like my brother and sister did, probably because of memories of my parents’ arguments with them. The worst I did was dye my hair purple and start smoking, which really didn’t faze my parents at all. They had seen it all by that point.

The clincher came when I left home and moved to Montreal. I was spending a few moments in my bedroom (now the den, because they know I’m not coming back), and my mother came in, crying. I was the last one to leave. My dad drove me to Montreal, helped me set up my crappy IKEA furniture that I still have today, and had lunch with me. When he left, he broke into tears. That was only the second time I’ve seen my father cry.

Being a self-centered 20-year-old, as soon as Dad was out the door, my roommates and I went to get my ears pierced (ooh, rebellion :rolleyes: ) and my hair dyed.

But I’m still the baby of the family. I sense my parents are still dealing with the fact that I’m now 30. I don’t lead the lifestyle of my brother and sister when they were at this age: I don’t have a house, I don’t have kids, I’m not financially responsible, I hate my job, and so on. I’m even so wishy-washy that if I’m travelling (even to TorDope), I don’t tell my parents. I only told them of my numerous trips to NYC a couple of years ago. (I held back the fact that I camped out on West 41st St. to get tickets to see RENT.)

Is it me, or is it the “Baby of the family curse?” I think it’s mostly me. My mother told me my brother flipped when he realized I was turning 30. I don’t feel 30. I feel like the baby of the family, and I fear I’ll always feel this way. It’s kind of neat, being the “fun uncle” to my nephew and nieces, but it kind of sucks, too.

Your experiences?

2

I am not in your position, but my younger brother is. I’m the youngest next to him, and there’s 8 years difference in age between us.

I think in some ways he is still treated as “the baby” even though he’s 21 and living on his own now, but at the same time, only one of the three older ones is married, and none of us own houses, although the two oldest are more fiscally responsible than the two youngest (at least, I think so)

From my point of view, it was hard for a while to realize that lil’bit (yes, it’s my nickname for him. Yes, he hates it. Yes, that’s one reason why I still use it. The other is just out of habit.) is an adult. completely missed his high school years - yeah, I was coming home from college occasionally, but mostly only at Christmas.

All of a sudden about a year/year and a half ago, he became an adult - he is willing to argue back with us when we all get on our high intellectual horses, he will say that he is living the way he wants to. He moved from being a kid to being a young man - and I think all of us had a little bit of shock when that happened. And I think it was hardest for the oldest brother. Oldest brother went off to college when lil’bit was two years old, so there’s no real connection between them, and they’ve never really lived in the same house for long since lil’bit learned to talk.

In answer to your question, I think sometimes we do still treat him that way, but I think we are doing much better than we did for a long time at realizing that he’s old enough to be himself. I think mom and dad are doing ok with it as well, and that’s great for both sides.

3
  1. I am.
  2. I am not.

Actually, my older brother and sister, both around 40, are still trying to get Mom and Dad to buy them things and pay their way whenever possible. Personally, I stopped that a long time ago and established an adult relationship with both parents. It’s kind of funny when we all get together and I’m the only one of the “children” who gets treated as an adult. I’m also the only one without kids.

4

I’m the baby, but was never really treated as such. My mom had grandchildren before I was born, and a couple after I was born. So I was never the only baby.

5

I am the youngest of 3. However, my two elder sibling are women, so I was not treated as the baby, at least not by my father (a very old fashioned Irish immigrant).

Now I’m 43, and my parents are both dead. My oldest sister still call me Jimmy (the sole remaining person on earth to do so, even my aunts and uncles call me Jim). My next oldest sister and I have both come to understand that the oldest sister (who I call the Evil sister) is a bar bigger idiot than both of us put together, so we treat the oldest more or like a teenage brat that we only have to see at family get togethers.

6

I’m the youngest of two, and I’m absolutely treated like a baby! I’m 20 and I have my own apartment, but I had to spend the whole summer at my parents while recovering from surgery. ICKY POO!

I have to ask permission to go anywhere or have anyone come here. My mom actually asked me the other day if I had ever tried alcohol or had sex (with my bf of over a year now). All she did was lecture me and tell me how disappointed she was while crying when I told her the truth. I also get at least one lecture a day on how to be careful when I go back to school (my apartment’s in Baton Rouge, where the serial killer is, and I live alone). I mean, it’s one thing to tell me to be careful, and it’s quite another to lecture me for an hour a day!

I have to call home every weekend while I’m at school. My older brother tries to kill any bf who touches me and anyone who gives me a drink. My mom still gives me stuffed animals at Christmas every year. She almost killed my aunt last year when she took me to Victoria’s Secret. Mom says I’m way too young for that. Are you kidding me??? That store’s MADE for my age!

Yes, it sucks being the youngest AND the only girl. I get the short end of the stick. In high school when my brother would get in trouble, I’d be punished too! NOT FAIR!

7

Yes and no. I have two sisters 3&4 years older than me. It was always the two of them and me - the baby. However, I’m the only married one and the only one with children so it a lot of ways I am now more “grown up” than they are. They are still very proctective of me and leave me in th dark about certain family matters.

8

M partner and I are both only children. I’m very much only child style, and he’s very much baby of the family style.

9

I’m the youngest of eight… AND an only child…
Let me 'splain.
My mom was married three times.
With husband #1 she had three children.
With husband #2 she had four children.
With husband #3 (my Dad) she had me.
My next oldest sibling is 12 years my senior. My oldest sibling is 26 years my senior. I have a nephew three years older than me.

All of my siblings think I had it better than them because, well, pretty much I was the only child at home during much of my childhood. Frankly, they’re right. As my Dad’s only child, he doted on me. I did pretty much what I wanted, participated in sports a lot and was generally a good kid.

All of my siblings still see me as the baby. At 6’4" and over 300#, I’m still the smallest of my brothers. But after the fight I had with one of my brothers when I was seventeen (he was 31) my brothers started treating me like an adult. He broke my nose, split my lip and blackened both my eyes. Serves me right for picking on a brute who was a boxer in the navy.

My Dad died in 1978. Mom is now 82 and doesn’t listen to advice from any of my siblings. But, a single word from me can change her opinion on anything. I think that’s the case because she divorced her first two husbands, but was widowed by my Dad. And, but for a few chromosomes, I AM my Dad, to her. She thinks my dad was the wisest and smartest man she knew and, as his son, I’m subject to that legacy.

10

I’m also a baby of the family and an only child. I have one half-sister on my mom’s side, who is 12 years older than I am, and six half-brothers on my dad’s side, who are all more than 19 years older than myself. The only sibling I ever lived with was my sister (half-sister, but I forget that quite often), and that was only sporadically until I was 10.

In my situation, it’s less that I’m treated like the baby of the family than that I am treated as non-existent. (Some of this probably stems from the fact that I grew up 1500 miles from where most of my family lives, and I have wildly different views from the family about religion, politics, education, you name it.) I see only my mother and sister once or twice a year and speak to them perhaps every 3 months, and I speak to the rest of them perhaps once or twice a decade, if that. Often major events (births, deaths, marriages, etc.) will happen in the family and I will be completely unaware until years later.

From age 10 on, when my sister moved out for good, I lived with only my mom, as my dad had died when I was 6. Bearing some similarity to GrizzRich, to my mom, I am a younger female incarnation of my dad, and she has said as much many times. Unfortunately, although my mom was widowed by my father, my mother despised my father; they were planning on getting divorced when I was born and my father fell ill, at which point she felt duty-bound to stay married to him and he was in no condition to file for divorce. As the only child of both my mother and my father, I’m his legacy in my mother’s eyes and I believe she really resented having to deal with a younger female incarnation of my father for 11 more years after he passed away and in some ways was rather glad when I moved away and she didn’t have to deal with “little (Dad’s name),” as she called me at times. To my sister, I’m still part of the old family, but for her own good, she has her own family now and she identifies with them and not me.

When I do speak with or visit the family, I am the baby, but that’s rare enough as to be insignificant.

11

Very interesting stories.

While I’m often still treated as the “baby of the family,” I think everyone’s pretty much adjusted to the fact that I’m 30 and can make my own decisions (most of which are bad ones). I have a steady, well-paying job (that I hate), and a roof over my head. That counts for something.

Still, I look around my place and see the squallor I live in (covered in another thread). That’s not what my brother and sister had at my age. They had spotless houses and kids… So I’m the “different” one - not just because I’m gay, but because I’m… different.

I mean, I’ve got a bunny munching away at the Yellow Pages in this same room. Come on, is that anything nearing normality?

Perhaps I should just embrace the fact that I live differently from my siblings, instead of berating myself for it. It’s certainly more interesting, no?

Different. Think different. No, I AM NOT BUYING A MAC!

12

I am definitely treated as the baby. I am an only child, the only girl, and was the only grandchild until I was 15 on mom’s side. On Dad’s side I have only one cousin and is 18 months older than me and am still the only girl on that side as well. My Dad and his mother end every converstion with “be good” and “be careful”. My mom “hovers” alot. Most of the time I don’t mind, because sometimes it feels good knowing they love you and that they are trying to protect you. Other times, it drives me nuts. I am 26 and have been through a 5 year marraige, an amicable divorce, and out of 15 people in my department only 3 make more money than me, and I have been there less than 2 years. So, I think I deserve a little more adult treatment than what my family gives me, but I guess I’ll always be their “baby girl”.

13

Yes and no. The dog took that place. :slight_smile: No big story.

14

I’m the baby of my family, but I dont think I was ever really treated that way. Except when I was a baby. I have a sister that is 3 years older than me and one that is 8 years older than me. From the stories I’ve heard, they babied me. Got me my toys if they rolled to far from me, took me wherever I wanted to go, etc. So when I was 18 months old and not walking or talking my mom took me to the doctor thinking I was possibly retarded or something. She was the head RN on a pediatric floor before she had my middle sibbling, so she should have known something. While at the doc’s, I was playing and I dropped a ball or something and one of my sisters chased it down and handed it back to me. The doc said something like, “well there is your problem right there, your son isn’t retarded, he is lazy”. And I have been ever since. But I wasn’t babied from then on.
I was the youngest and only boy grandchild on my mothers side. My grandpa called me Dave (my middle name, but nobody called me that) becuase he had a son that was my spitting image that died when he was 10 who was named David. Ironically enough, I contracted heppatitus when I was 10 and nearly died from it. I am the baby as far as that side of the family is concerned, but I’m not really treated like it.
I maybe the baby, but I’m not spoiled and was never really treated like it as far back as I can recall.
dead0man

15

I’m the baby of the family but I’ve never been treated as the baby. I think it has a lot to do with my attitude, to be honest. I didn’t want to be babied.

My older sister is treated as the baby of the family to be honest. People feel the need to protect her perhaps because they think she’s more fragile than me.

16

Well I used to be but now I’m an orphan and everyone has to be solicitous of my welfare.

17

I am the baby, my sisters were and are (the oldest is dead) 6, 8 and 17 years older than me.

I am still treated like the baby in some respects, but now that I earn more than the rest of my family does, that has shifted somewhat. But there will always be a tendency to reach inot our childhoods for ways to relate to each othere.

18

I"m the youngest of 4 boys (one of whom died in 1990). The three oldest were born with 13 months between them (Note to Robert and Shirley in mid and late 50s: You need to learn to use birth control). Then there was 9 yeas between the birth of my next oldest bro. and me.

I have always been the baby, and always will be. Even at 38, I’m still my mother’s “baby boy.”

19

I am the youngest of six. The oldest is about 12 years older than me.

I’m pretty much treated as an adult by most members of my family (not all) but during times of crisis it really tries to turn back to the ‘roles’ we had in childhood.

When someone dies I am the last to be told as we always go down the list so I am naturally last. When we gather all together they try to put the role of baby (and personal slave/whipping boy) on me. This is my siblings not my mom.

20

I’m the youngest of five and am probably the bossiest of all my siblings (my oldest sister possibly being the exception). I was babied when I was a baby, but once I hit about 12 years old, that stopped.