Are you the pigeon or the statue?

The BBQ Pit
1

This was in Ann Landers this morning as her Gem of the Day:
You have to decide early in life if you are going to be the pigeon or the statue.

At first, it seemed obvious she meant you would want to be the honored hero, the Washinton high on a noble horse, rather than the revisionists who try to bespatter him.

But that seemed undignified as well.

Her other regular advice is People can only use you as a doormat with your permission.

Hmm…I think I’ll post this is the pit and see if it draws pegeons. Then I’ll be the undignified statue? :confused:

2

Let’s see. I’ll try being the “pegeon”(sic).

Here’s a load for you. How’s your dignity holding up? Mine’s fine.

3

Errrr . . . apart from rousing my usual disdain for all things Abby, do you have a point?

4

Got that right! That pair of bitches can ruin more lives in one day than a pair of earthquakes. And that’s just from the gag reflex reading the headline as you try to avoid looking.

And if you can’t help but look, like the name in bold is your home town, then you’re really in trouble.

They put out so much shit on purpose, then “correct” it after it’s too late. In the meantime you have collected 5 clipping slid under your door about leaving the garbage cans out front too long, or whether your cat runs loose at night.

They really ought to get those babes to sit under a couple of flocks of pigeons! Opps, sorry ladies, I’m withdrawing my wrong advice. But here’s a finger-lickin-wiper towelet from KFC.

5

I think I would be neither. Instead I would be the man hiding in the bushes with a .22 carefully picking off the pigeons one by one.

6

Oh boy am I ever the statue. Some days it seems that the pigeons are lined up around the block to shit on me.

Just once, I’d like to be the pigeon.

As far as Ann and Abby - when are those two old biddies going to retire, anyway? They must be over 100 by now. Let them stay home and give advice to each other. Not that it really matters because the last few times I had the bad luck to glance at either of their columns it was a reprint from a million years ago.

Dear Abby, back in 1954 you printed a column about the secrets to the perfect beehive hairdo. I recently misplaced my column and I’ve got a job interview to go to next week and want to look just right. Could you please, oh please, oh please reprint it for me? - Bighair in Baltimore

7

My mom must have a copy of that column. She looks like Flo from Mel’s Diner.

And her fridge is full of advice columns, all signed by people named “Been There”.