So every man OVER 50 by himself, out is public, is one? 
The public service announcement is as appreciated as it is informative. In the same spirit I’ll ask those who read this to try to be aware that not every man over 50 by himself out in public is a lizard-man from the planet Vbngoom.
FWIW, if you were criticized for that (I didn’t see it), I think that criticism is wrong.
Slacker would you mind sharing which posts made you feel like you were being criticized for not smiling/interacting with other people’s kids when mine aren’t present?
I can’t find anything that even remotely comes off that way to my read.
To make it clear, disputing your belief that a man is violating a social a norm by smiling at a child is not criticizing a choice to not smile. Both smiling and not smiling are socially acceptable options. Which I state explicitly because that discussion is the least far off from the claim I can find. What comments did I miss?
I’m not playing, D. I stated that “I *felt *like I was being criticized”, and I stand by that. If everyone wants to decide now that they are not and never were critical of my stance, then lovely–let’s leave it at that.
P.S. I certainly never cared one way or the other whether *your *kids were present–I’m sure I wouldn’t know them from Adam (and/or Eve) in any event.
Okay you mind sharing. Your right.
It’s just that it fits what became the theme of this thread … grossly exaggerated, well okay, imagined, if not outright delusional, beliefs of slights by others. No, no one ever criticized you for not smiling at babies. Oh you were criticized, but not for that.
Back to the op … what inhibited you you from informing the woman, politely but clearly, that you needed to change and that it would be appreciated if she threw pants on the child and finished up outside so that you could, in an appropriate level of privacy? What were you afraid would happen if you did that?
i will type this slowly and loudly so it will be clear–a person crazy enough to do what the woman did without apology/explanation is already to be avoided. I think you get this.
For one thing, I was just gobsmacked. Along with that, I initially thought the man near her was her husband, and that saying something might mean picking a fight with him (I can’t remember if this was after, or just before, my recent experience of having a literally toothless redneck in a truck chase me and my daughter across town because he thought I had cut him off at a four-way stop).
Actually no I don’t. I run into clueless people all the time. Politely explaining that I needed to change and that her allowing that to occur by leaving as quickly as reasonably possible (pants on the kid and out) would be appreciated would not be something that I would see any reason to avoid doing. The man being her husband would not occur to me since then she’s have no reason to be there, nor would I be afraid that a polite request would mean picking a fight. I’ve made many polite requests to the clueless and never had it result in violence. Swimmers are usually not a violent sort anyway. Passively stewing would not be on my option list before I attempted to fix it in a socially appropriate manner. I guess anyone can be a nut with a gun waiting to explode but I would not be particularly fearful. Most likely the worst I’d get is a glare and compliance or possibly a snarky “I’ll just be a moment!” at point I probably would just pick up my stuff and take the extra 20 seconds to move to where I could change at least semi-discretely. The thought that she represents some sort of threat to ruin my life would never in a million years cross my mind. Seriously.
Did I type slowly enough for you? Do I need to type LOUDER?
Dude, why are you getting angry?
Sorry if that seemed angry; it is not. More annoyed by the snark of your post … funny though that you read my playing back your words to you (with CAPS for “louder” for the visual effect) as angry.
Did they seem angry to you when you typed them?
The questions I am asking are not angry at all. They are honest puzzlement. Being afraid that a politely made request will result in picking a fight in a swimming pool locker room? Being worried that requesting that a woman in the male locker room please leave as soon as possible will result in a sex crimes accusation? Believing that smiling at kids gets one treated as a criminal … ever let alone by every woman under the age of fifty? Feeling like people made you feel like you had to smile at kids when no such statement even close to that was made? I am still not sure if any of those posts are serious or just whooshes.
Man, it must be nice to live in a world full of totally rational, sane, calm adults, where kids are the only ones that behave unpredictably. Really. The only time I’ve ever experienced that is in *really * rural areas. People are some variety of unstable pretty much everywhere else. Granted, some areas are more tolerable to me than others (I love the Pacific Northwest), but the instability thing is still there almost anywhere. IMHO
There is a big middle there that you are excluding. People who are not always totally calm and rational but who are nevertheless not prone to reacting to a polite request with physical violence or accusations of a sex offense. Its the latter extreme that I rarely see. Maybe twice in my adult life someone threatening violence and then backing down. And in a family centered swimming pool locker room … it’s not the pub where the tough guy poseurs are hanging out. Seriously.
Do you ever hear or read stories about people’s horrible parents, and how glad they were to leave home and never come back? While those horrible parents might seem sane in public in some cases, they certainly won’t in every case. The crazy is all over. Humans are a fucked-up lot. I expect instability and dysfunction, and am very cautious about trusting the sanity of the ones that aren’t obviously a mess.
Of related interest: Dad Creep-Shamed Over Star Wars Selfie