This is too perfect:
DEAR MR. SIR OR MADAM,
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS VIRTURE OF IT’S NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET. MY NAME IS MR. JEAN-BERTRAND ARISTIDE OF THE CARRIBEAN REPUBLIC of HAITI. I WAS, AND IS IN THE EYES OF THE PEOPLE, STILL AM THE DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED LEADER OF THIS PROUD AND FINE COUNTRY.
DUE TO THE MILITARY CRISIS AND INSTABILITY IN MY COUNTRY, I WAS FORCED INTO HIDING INTO MY PRESIDENTIAL PALACE, AND EVENTUALLY TO BE KIDNAPPED BY THE AMERICAN MILITARY FORCES, AND TO REMOVED FROM THE COUNTRY. ONLY BY GREAT LUCK WAS I ABLE TO CONCEAL MY NATION’S FORTUNE OF 82.3 MILLION US$ (EIGHTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) AND BRING IT WITH ME TO NIGERIA. I WILL NOT DISCLOSE THE DETAILS OF HOW THIS WAS DONE, BUT SUFFICE IT TO SAY IT WAS A GREAT DISCOMFORT. I BROUGHT THE MONEY FOR SAFE KEEPING UNTIL I AM BEING ABLE TO RETURN IT RIGHTFULLY TO THE PEOPLE OF HAITI.
THROUGH MY CONTACTS IN NIGERIA, I WAS BROUGHT IN TOUCH WITH A CONFEDERATE IN SOUTH AFRICA, MR. AUSTIN WEMBA, WHO HAS ADVISED ME ON HOW TO KEEP THE MONEY IN SAFEKEEPING UNTIL I CAN BE RETURNED TO MY RIGHTFUL POSITION IN MY BEAUTIFULL HOMELAND. THIS CAN BE DONE BY TRANSFERRING ALL OF THE MONEYS TO AN OVERSEAS PARTNER IN THE MEANTIME. THAT PARTNER IS YOU, MY GOOD FRIEND
IN EXCHANGE FOR DOING THIS SERVICE TO THE REPUBLIC OF HAITI, YOU WILL RECIEVE A REWARD OF 15% (TWENTY PERCENT) OF THE TOTAL FORTUNE. I NEED SIMPLY PLEASE YOUR PHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, DATE OF BIRTH, BROTHERS MAIDEN NAME, ADDRESS OF RESIDENCE, CREDIT CARD NUMBERS, LICENSE PLATE NUMBER, SHOE SIZE, AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER SO THAT THE FUNDS MAY BE TRANSFERRED DIRECTLY TO YOU. AFTER THIS IS DONE, YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED OF WHEN I AM BACK IN POWER, AND IT IS SAFE TO RETURN THE FUNDS. PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY.
GOD BLESS,
MR. JEAN-BERTRAND ARISTIDE
RIGHTFULLY ELECTED LEADER
REPUBLIC OF HAITI
That gave me the night’s first guffaw. Thanks!