Contrary to advice I have previously given, I decided to reply to one of the multitude of email scammers (it was 22 million dollars this time, so he must
From: Austin Wemba
Attn: Sir/Madam/Ceo
My name is Mr.Austin Wemba the elder of Mr Alexander Wemba of Zimbabwe . It might be a surprise to you where I got your contact address.I got it from the South Africa Information Network Online(SAINL)/South Africa Trade Center (SATC).
During the current crises against the farmers of Zimbabwe by the supporters of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white owned farms in our country, he ordered all the white farmers to surrender their farms to his party members and their followers. My father was one of the black farmers in the country who did not support the president’s political ideology, the president’s supporters invaded my father’s farm ,burnt down everything, shot him and as a result of the wounds sustained, he became sick and died after two days. And after his death, My mother and I with my younger Brother decided to move out of Zimbabwe for the safety of our lives to South-Africa.
BUT, before he died HE WROTE HIS WILL ,which reads “(MY BELOVEED SON ,I WISH TO DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO THE SUM OF $22.7 MILLION U.S DOLLARS WHICH I DEPOSITED IN A BOX WITH A SECURITY COMPANY IN JOHANNESBURG (SOUTH-AFRICA). IN CASE OF MY ABSENCE ON EARTH CAUSED BY DEATH ONLY” .you should solicit for reliable foreign partner to assist you to transfer this money out of SOUTH-AFRICA for investment purpose.
In view of this, I cannot invest this money in South-Africa, hence I am asking you to assist us transfer this money out of South-Africa for investment purposes. For your efforts, I am prepared to offer you 20% of the total fund, while 5% will be set aside for local and international expenses and 75% will be kept for my family and I.(ME).
For detailed information, you can contact me on the above telephone number or my email address NOTE: THE KEY WORD TO THIS TRANSACTION IS ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY AND SECRECY. THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE. YOUR URGENT RESPONSE WILL BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED.
Best regards,
Austin Wemba
From; Austin Wemba
I never address you as my Mr.Austin Wemba. Austin Wemba is my name, I am citizen of Zimbabwe presently in South Africa as asylum seeker (refugee). I left zimbabwe as a result of crisis in my country which was cause by president Robert Mugabe that led to the death of my father.
Now I am staying in here in a refugee camp and was restricted of some financial right. That is why I seek your assistance to clear and transfer this fund into your company or private account for investment in europe. I will appreciate if you will indicate your interest and willingness to assist me on this humble business transaction so that I will give you the break down detail on how this can be achieve with the assistance of a financial adviser whom I contacted already before seek your assistance.
Note that I am currently working to achieve a hitch free transfer of the said fund into any nominated account of yours and it is risk free as well.
I await your urgent and immediate response on this regard, Don’t forget to include your direct phone and fax numbers for easy communication.
sincerely yours,
Mr. Austin Wemba
From: Dick Dastardly
I tried to email you but I had some hardness with my email box yesterday; did you find my messages?
I am anxious to carry further with your idea; please let me know what to do next.
I am setting up another account for you to contact me, as I think my superior also desires to have your money; he is a bad man who constantly shouts at me on the telephone and does not deserve your favour.
Warmest thanks
Richard Dastardly
FROM: AUSTIN WEMBA
SIR,
THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY AND THAT COULD COUNT ON YOUR WILLINGNESS AND DESIRE TO ASSIST ME TRANSFER THE MONEY IN QUESTION.
BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU, I HAD MADE ALL NECESSARY ENQUIRY TOWARDS A HITCH FREE TRANSFER THROUGH AN EX-FINANCIAL DIRECTOR WHO HAS ASSURED TO ASSIST FOR SMOOTH TRANSFER, AS SOON AS I AM READY WITH MY FOREIGN PARTNER AND HE SUGGESTED THE FOLLOWING ON YOUR ON YOUR ARRIVAL.
WE WILL SIGN A BINDING AGREEMENT THAT WILL KEEP US TOGETHER, THIS AGREEMNT WILL REMAIN UNCHANGE AT THE COMPLETION OF THE TRANSFER.
I WILL APPRECIATE IF YOU WILL START PREPARATION TOWARDS COMING DOWN TO SOUTH AFRICA TO CONCLUDE THE PROJECT.
CONFIRM YOUR TICKET AND FURNISH ME WITH DETAILS OF YOUR ARRIVAL SO THAT I WILL BOOK HOTEL RESERVATION AND SEND YOU DETAILS.
I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.
REGARDS,
MR. AUSTIN WEMBA
NB: FEEL FREE CONTACT ME THROUGH EMAIL OR MY DIRECT TELEPHONE LINE [snip] DON’T FORGET TO SEND ACROS TO ME YOUR PRIVATE PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR EASY COMMUNICATION.
From: Dick Dastardly
I had a little troubles understanding your last message; I should explain that English is not my first language; do you speak Blikster? It would help greatly in our communication.
In any case, I think I grasped the most parts of it; you need me to travel to South Africa? I must say that this is a thrilling and joyous prospect, as I have always wanted to go there for the scenery as well as the wildlife, particularly (hopefully)pigeons. Do you have pigeons in South Africa? They are like small chickens. I have made them my life’s work.
From now, please message me at RichardDastardly2004@yahoo.com - I set this account up so that we can avoid the attention of my supervisor - we call him ‘The General’, but he is a horrible and frightening man, who only ever calls me to shout complaints on the telephone. He must not get a share in this money.
I already sent you my bank and contact details in my last email - did you not receive it?
Kind Greetings
Richard Dastardly Esq
PS: I feel as if I trust you well enough to drop the formalities - Please call me Dick (which is the shortened form of my name),
Well done. I especially like “do you speak Blikster?”
My habit of late has been to wait until I have 2 of those messages then forward each one on to the other. Maybe they can scam themselves.
From: Austin Wemba
Thanks for your email. Actually, this transaction requires you to come down to South Africa so that we can conclude everything and have the fund transferred into your oversea account like I told you. Now you are expected to start an immediate preparation to come down here as the transaction demands. Arrange your travel and send me your schedule so that I book a hotel reservation and send you details. I did not receive your bank account details. Could resend it again. I repeat, send me your private telephone and fax numbers so that I can give you oral information about everything. Call me on my direct telephone anytime.
regards,
Austin Wemba
From: Dick Dastardly
Many warmest hearty thanks for your recent reply; I am truly sorry that my details didn’t seem to come across, I do not know what must have happened there; I am a little bit concerned about expressing my bank details out along the interweb, in case someone else is catching them. We should talk on the telephone and I will be able to recite the full details.
I shall urgently look at flight preparations today; will you meet me personally at the airport when I arrive? What airport should I try to fly to in South Africa? I’m afraid my geography is very poor, otherwise I would attempt to fly there in my own private aeroplane (I love to fly my plane - it is a magnificent machine that is equipped with a wide range of useful devices for every convenience - it is painted in a wonderful deep red colour and is the envy of all who see it.) - perhaps when our all of our business is concluded, you will be able to take advantage of your new-found wealth and travel here, where you would be my honoured guest.
How long do you suppose my visit to South Africa will last? - should I pack clothes for two weeks? Is there anything else that you think I should plan to bring with me? I do not suppose I will need a great of local currency, once the bank details are sorted out, will I?
Please telephone me on [snip] at your earliest convenience - this is my telephone at my place of work, so you will certainly have to ask the receptionist for me by name - Dick Dastardly (nobody calls me Richard here, as we are all very informal) - In respect of your request for utmost secrecy, I haven’t told anyone about our deal, so if I am not available at the time of your call, please don’t talk to anyone else about it; especially not my despicable and avaricious subordinate - Mr Mutley - I DO NOT want him included in our deal.
I am very excited about this now and I look forward to speaking with you and meeting you personally.
Sincerest regards
Dick Dastardly
The Telephone number I gave him is for Warner Bros in California - of which Hanna Barbera (creators of the Dick Dastardly character) is a subsidiary.
[mutley]HeHeHe[/mutley]
Shame we won’t get to hear the phone call. Do you intend to string this clown along further?
I’ll keep him going as long as I can; if he actually phones Warner Bros, he may catch on from there, but if his English isn’t all that good (and if he asks for Dick Dastardly), they may just give up on him and hang up, leaving me the option of inventing some cunning excuse and giving him another ‘contact number’ - maybe one of those pre-recorded hoax lines.
Bravo, Mangetout. Brilliant stuff.
Kiger
March 3, 2004, 5:13pm
7
I’m trying to figure out the angle on this one. Don’t they usually want you to give them your bank account numbers or transfer money for them or some such thing? What on earth does he get by asking you to fly to South Africa? I’m guessing that he’s dense enough to believe he can get someone to fly all the way over there and actually complete the “transaction” - into your offshore account no less. BWAHAHA
But seriously… what if it’s real?
I would imagine that he’s saving the bit where he suddenly needs ‘release fees’ etc until I’ve booked my flight and I am somewhat committed; if he doesn’t, then it is pretty clear that his intention is kidnap.
Seriously, if it’s real, monkeys will soon be flying out of my butt…
I also predict that he will respond to my inquiry of what I should bring:
Love it! Do you think you can work Snagglepuss in there too, or would that just be pushing it?
I’m nearly a millionaire, Wooo Hooo!
From: Austin Wemba
It was nice to read you mail which is delighting. Regarding your question on about duration of your stay and which airport to land. From my financial adviser, I was made to understand that you stay here will be for only three working days to conclude this transaction. Then Johannessburg international airport will is the ideal airport because the venue of the this transaction is there.
I tried to get in touch with you through the number you gave me, but there is no access. Could you please reconfirm to me your direct phone numbers to be able to speak to you. I was delighted to hear that you are keeping to the level of confidentiality that this transaction demands.
Make an urgent arrangement for your coming and give me your flight schedule so that I will book your hotel reservation before your arrival.
I look forward to meet you in person soonest,
warm regards.
Mr. Austin Wemba
From: Dick Dastardly
My heart leaped with joy to see your message in my mail box, but I am bitterly disappointed that you didn’t manage to telephone me; I stayed at the office until 10:30pm waiting for your call, but nothing happened. Are you sure you did dial the number correctly? - It may be that I got the international access code wrong for calling out of your country; you need to dial whatever code necessary to call the United States, then [snip] - I will stay late tonight again in the hope that you can get through.
In any case, I have booked a flight for Wednesday of next week (10th March) - I will arrive on flight SA202 into Johannesburg at 3:30 in the afternoon. I know you said three days would be sufficient, but I have reserved to stay a whole week, in case there are any complications and to allow a little leisure time - I really do want to spend a little time taking in the scenery and looking at the local wildlife - but of course, I don’t expect you to pay for my hotel accommodation for the extra days - I expect you will have planned a lot of things to do in those days, when you receive your inheritance.
It is really hard to keep from telling people about my good fortune with this transaction; I have never travelled abroad and one of my mothers is insanely curious about my movements for the next week, but she knows about my obsession with pigeons, so I have so far been able to excuse it as purely a leisure trip to see some birds, but still she required to be sedated before she would cease asking questions. I can’t wait to see the look off her face when I come back as a multi millionaire!
Will you meet me at the airport when I arrive? It will be my first time in a foreign country and I am very uncertain as to where I must go. It would probably help if you could clearly write WAITING FOR DICK on a large piece of cardboard and hold this up at the arrivals gate when my flight comes in. How will I recognize you? It would help greatly if you could emailsend me a picture of yourself holding up the card, then I will be able to walk straight to you on my arrival without any embarrassment or confusion. I would also really look forward to seeing the face of the kind hearted man who is to be my financial saviour!
What anticipation I have, I can hardly contain myself. Tell me what other things you think I should bring - perhaps there is some gift that you or your family particularly would like? How much spending money will I need to keep us going until the bank transfer is actualized?
Your faithful friend and associate
Dick Dastardly
‘one of my mothers’ and ‘WAITING FOR DICK’
fucking brilliant. but how long will it keep going…?
I will consider the operation a complete success if he sends me a picture of himself holding a sign that says “WAITING FOR DICK” - this might seem unlikely, but it has been done before (and better, but I have to start somewhere)
I expect to receive another message in an hour or two, unless the poor shmuck has tumbled it, but this time I thought I’d fire off a quick pre-empt:
From: Dick Dastardly
I waited again yesterday night at my office for your call and it did not come. I stayed past the hour of midnight on this time and The General gave to regard me with much weariness.
You are still serious about this transaction, I hope, are you? I have already spent nearly a thousand currency units on plane tickets and travelling papers, which cannot be refunded. Please tell me you have not found another business partner as I am distraught beyond the point of physical pain.
I hope you will excuse my dark mood; I am very tired and the General is shouting on the telephone again - something about racing cars this time.
Yours in kindness
Dick Dastardly.
If he takes the bait and comes back with the requested photo, I’m going to feign intense insecurity and ask him for another one with the sign written in my native language (Blikster) - in Blikster, the phrase “Waiting for Dick” is written “Ori fice for Dick”.
If he actually sends the photo, try to play him a little farther. Tell him you have a new cell phone number, and get him to call that number and give precise details of the transaction.
The number is 202-456-1111.
That’s the White House public comments line.
No photograph as yet, but he also hasn’t batted an eye at the wording, so maybe…
From: Austin Wemba
I tried to call you yesterday night at about 7.30pm South African time and a lady responded and told me that I was calling a studio center, moreover they do not have any body that bear that name.
However, try to provide me your direct line to avoid all this embarrassment or in alternative, you can call me on my direct telephone line (+27 83 982 1892) because I believe that it is time we speak to each other orally concerning this transaction. I will book your hotel reservation tomorrow and send you the reservation number.
Waiting anxiously for your urgent response because I have passed a clearing notice to the finance house pending your arrival.
Kind regards,
From: Dick Dastardly
What a day it has have been; a bitter mixing of joy and deep sorrow; first let me just say that I am happy to be report than I have procured some exceptionally fine gifts for you and associates; The jewellery store did not have sufficient stock of suitable of Omega of watches, so some of your friends will have to accept with of Tissot or of Cartier of items - I am sincerely hope that this will not cause dissatisfaction or bickering among themselves. I have chosen of a special selection of gifts of items for you personally, but I shall not say too much of these because I want it to be a special surprise joy when we meeting.
But it has been a sad day also; I returned home to learn of the sad death of my maternal aunt, Enema Morphy-Richards; the grand-daughter and last surviving descendant of great Osbert Morphy-Richards, inventor of the electric toaster. She will be deeply mourned by all, although she was over ninety years old, so I suppose it should not have been too large of shock. Still we miss her.
Please be assure though of my best intention to remain in trust and faith to our agreement - the funeral will have held on Monday and most of our guests will have departed before I have make my final preparations for flight journey on departure Tuesday. I am sad though that you have not yet send email me your photograph with comforting and reassuring words (Ori Fice For Dick) in my language as described - can you not do this one thing for me now as a sign of our trust?
Kindest and weary regards.
Dick Dastardly
From: Dick Dastardly
I also mean to tell you that I cannot be sure what happened when you try to telephone - my place of work is not in a studio, but is a publishing house, making mostly books of erotic art, but because of my family’s sad loss, I will not be return to work until after we are meeting in person.
I must go now to comfort my guests.
Kindly regards
Dick
From: Austin Wemba
Firstly, I really sympatise with you for the daeth of your aunt Enema Morphy-Richards. I ask you to accept my condolence even though she was old, but death is always painful.
On the issue of gift items, I will say that whatever you bought from you heart will be appreciated because it is a gift, but my major concern is to have this clearred and transferred into your overseas account before you leave.
For the sake trust, I shall send to you my current asylum seeker temporary permit to enable you believe and understand my predicaments here as refugee, but I won’t be coming to airport with the driver for security reasons. Like I told you when you arrive at the airport, there is a phone boot at the arrival hall. Walk in there and call me , I shall direct the driver to pick you because he will be there waiting for you.
I would want you send me your flight detail (e.g the airline you are coming with, your arrival time) so that I will make sure everything is in place before your arrival.
Hope to meet with you soonest,
my regards,
Mr. Austin Wemba
From: Dick Dastardly
Thank you much for your kind words of condolence; it means a lot to me - more than you can imagine - to read them, All is well, but I am emotionally drained.
I did send already my flight details, but here again they are: I shall be arrive on flight SA202 in Johannesburg at half past three in the afternoon.
I am partly confused about you say about transferring - you want me to send the gift items by courier instead of bring them in person as I planned? - Please clarify?
My apologies again for the lack of understanding - I have some struggle to read English.
Many kindest regards
Dick Dastardly
…Aaaand here comes the reason they call this an ‘Advance Fee Scam’…
From: Austin Wemba
Compliment of the day, I have concluded every arrangement from my side. Firstly, I have booked a reservation for three nights at [snip] hotel Johannesburg with telephone number [snip] and reservation numbers 5B9FQ.
Our family driver will pick you on your arrival to your hotel room, Please try to call me on your arrival so that I will instruct the driver to come straight to you.
Nonetheless, I have also recieved a details computation from the security company where the consignment box is deposited and the summary sums to US$9,650.20. This amount has to be paid before collection of the consignment box from their custody. But already I have contacted the ex-financial director who will assist us for a hitch free transfer from the bank here. He has assured me that he will make the money available for on your arrival to settle the payment.
Meanwhile, he advised that I should inform you of the requirements to open a NON-RESIDENT ACCOUNT in South Africa.
Please my brother, try to come with the requirements as stated above to ensure no delay on your arrival. You can even call the ex-financial director on your arrival to his direct line [snip] Name is Mr. Donald Sylvester.
Remember the gift items. The manager is a white man, his assistant is also a man and the secretary is a lady.
I wish you safe journey to SA.
regards,
NB: For the photo, I am un-able to send it through attachment because I don’t have access to scanner. Can you provide me a fax number to send it.
From: Dick Dastardly
Much thanks for the reservation of hotel - I will appreciate it. I have much worry that I will be attacked or troubled by menacing strangers in the airport on arrive, as I will carry much value of items on my person - It has been told to me that Africa is some times a place of dangerous people, How can I recognize your driver?
I am partly confused about the amounts of $US$9,650.20 and $US$3,000.00 as you have not mention these before - which part do I have to pay? Is it both? I have a small amount over han cash $US$10,000 left of from the money I borrowed from the Wacky Race Prize fund (after I was shopping for gift items), but also I would withdraw a part of my own savings to add to cash to this amount if it could smooth the transaction. I think $US$5,000 is the limit I can take out in a one day. Should I do that?
I tried to call you on the telephone number you email sent to me before, but there was always just the beip-beip-beip sound that I cannot understand. I will bring with all me my bank documents and identifications in order that we may start accounts - I hope this was what you have told me.
I have very much worry now for that my safety on arrival. Please, for the sake of faith and for my peace in mind, can you try to get a way to send photograph of your driver, the man who will meet me, holding the card with Blikster words ‘Ori Fice For Dick’, so that I can sleep without great fear of stranger abduction in the airport - I will not be able to go with any person, into any car, for fear, unless I can have looked and reconigzed him already, by face and words. Please must you do this for me. Thank you. But I have no fax machines at my home.
I have of each of ladies and of mens of watches pairs for each of your associates, so that they can make a gift also to wives or husbands, so there is no problem with that.
I look forward to our meeting.
Warm Regards
Dick Dastardly
One thing that really strikes me about all this is the aura of plausibility that the scammer is trying to weave - OK, there are some serious flaws in his story (he’s a refugee with internet access and a chauffeur) - but the hotel telephone number was genuine (I looked it up rather than called it) - I expect the reservation is too, although I’m pretty sure I’d never actually make it to the hotel if I were to fly out there.
Still no photo - I’m determined to get one before I spill the beans.
I’m not sure what to do next - I have one or two tentative plans:
Plan 1:
Plan 2:
Plan 3: Tell him there was no reservation for me at the hotel he gave me, so i booked into the Mariam Abacha hotel on Joseph Guei street, room 419 (if you’ve received any of these scam emails in the past, you’ll get the references.
Plan 4: Tell him that my (fictional) deceased aunt’s estate amounts to xx million dollars, but there is a problem with the will and I would cut him in for a 25% share if he comes to help me claim it.
Any suggestions welcomed.
Shame you didn’t ask him to offer to subsidise your trip to SA.
Perhaps you could tell him that you need offers of gold for your funeral before your Aunt can rest in peace - an old Blikstian custom?
