I got yet another Advance Fee Scam email yesterday; it goes like this:
From: “Mrs Grace Pearl Johnson”
Subject: May God be Praised!!!
Date: Sat, 10 Mar 2007 12:18:16 GMT
May God be Praised!!!
Mrs. Grace Pearl Johnson
Dear Friend,
I am the above named person undergoing medical treatment in London, England. I am married to Dr.Martins Smith Johnson who worked with chiltern Railways in England for over three decades before he died on 5th of July in the year 2003. We were married for fifteen years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for two weeks. Before his death, he made a vow to use his wealth for the down trodden and the less privileged in the society.And since his death,I have been trying to get someone I can trust to help me execute his wish,hence my sending you this mail.
When my late husband was alive, he deposited the sum of ($10.9 million dollars) in a Vault with a Security/Finance House in London and it is still with them till date. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have a very short time to live due to cancer related problems but what disturbs me most though,is the stroke I had recently. Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to an individual or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this money in the way I am going to instruct herein. I want an individual that will use this to fund and provide succor to poor and indigent persons,orphanages, and above all those affected in the Tsunami disaster in far Asia, the hurricane victims in the US and earthquake victims in Pakistan.
I understand that blessed is the hand that giveth; I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband’s relatives are not inclined to helping poor persons and I do not want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused or spent in the manner in which my late husband did not specify. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death since I know where I am going,to be with GOD.I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Almighty. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health, and because of the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I do not want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security/Finance House in London. I will also issue them a letter of authority and change of ownership certificate,that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund, through my Lawyer. I want you to always pray for me. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation.Whosoever that wants to serve the Almighty must serve him with all his heart and mind and soul and also in truth.
Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act according to my instructions herein.
Hoping to hear from you.
Thank you and may the Almighty bless you.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Grace Pearl Johnson
God bless you
I’ve had these before and mostly I just ignore them, but it’s occasionally fun to respond and play games (completely anonymously, of course - I wouldn’t dream of divulging any real-world contact info to these lowlifes).
So I wrote a small program that takes a piece of text and swaps some of the letters;
A is exchanged for E and vice versa; B<>D, N<>M, O<>U and V<>F, so
‘Hello, my name is Mangetout’
becomes
‘Hallu, ny mena is Nemgatuot’
So my first reply consisted of:
Hallu Nrs Juhmsum
I en fary imtarastab im yuor prupusel es ny vimemciel pusitium et tha nunamt is fary noch im maab uv e cesh imjactium
plaesa cem yuo tall na whet I maab tu bu maxt?
kimbast ragerbs
Nemga Tuot
Today, I received another email - which is a copy-and-paste job:
Dear Mange Tout,
Good Day and God Bless You.
Thank for your swift response and I must let you know that I have contacted you in good faith. I am heavily sedated by my doctor for pains prior to going in for a minor surgery. He informed me of my detoriating health condition and also told me that I have got minimal time to keep on living. All I want is to at least be alive to see the commencement of a project initiated by you to help those in need. God decides when I will leave and he has the last say in my life. Even if it happens today I will be happy knowing fully well that it is well, with my soul. How are you, your faith, family, friends, relatives and those that mean a lot to you? I do hope that you are strong in the lord knowing the enormity of what I am bequeathing to you and your ministry. As the waters of the earth covers all, so shall the mercies and the spirit guide you in making good use of the money that I am giving to you.
Please understand that this is no business dealing, this is a gift that should be used by your person to make sure that those in need get the needed upliftment to continue in life. When there is hope life is more meaningful. I implore you to give the downtrodden, hope, shelter and care and get the full rewards from our father up above. Based on the bible doctrine in (Mark 7:7) and helping those in need. Also I make referral to this verse: He that despised his neighbor sinneth, but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he (Proverbs 14:21). Despite the fact that, I have grown weak in memory, I do remember vividly that a certain doctor (Dr. Richard Wood gate) who is a “doctor without borders” first spoke of your good works. I am not rich now, but I have my husbands’ legacy to bequeath to your Mission. This is because I know you will deliver, and create a better tomorrow, for those that will come in contact with these funds.
My attorney will be with you all the way and both of you will see to the clearance of the fund. With you as the beneficiary. This consignment has been labeled to contain family valuables and the contents are not known to anyone except those that have the first hand knowledge of the contents (MYSELF, YOU AND MY ATTORNEY) My attorney will email you as soon as possible detailing the modalities and requirements for the clearance of the consignment.
He is open to any questions you want to ask and will assist you accordingly based on my request for it to be so. I have mandated that he cooperates with you fully and God will see to it that this project sees the light of Day. In a bid to initiate and kick start procedures aimed at commencing and concluding this project in time I am attaching his direct email contact detail below for your personal viewing.
THE ATTORNEY NAME IS: BARRISTER PATRICK ADAMS EMAIL ADDRESS: patrickadam123@hotmail.com
These are the informations, which you are to send to him so as to identify you properly.
YOUR FULL NAME: -
YOUR FULL ADDRESS: -
YOUR OCCUPATION: -
YOUR AGE: -
YOUR MOBILE NUMBER: -
YOUR FAX NUMBER: -
Email him as soon as possible, so that he will brief you accordingly. Your commitment and hard work will never go unrewarded. I have resorted to make sure that you are the beneficiary of my husbands’ legacy. Do all you will to make sure that my hearts desires are met.
Hope you must have been in contact with my lawyer, when I check my email again. According to my doctor if all goes well I should be strong enough to write back in 2 days from today.
God Bless You And Keep You.
Mrs. Grace Johnson
So I need to ask some questions - see if I can get a personal response:
Baer Nrs Juhmsum
Themk yuo fary noch vur yuor emswar.
I hefa suna qoastiums ragerbimg tha numay -
Cem I spamb it um whetafar i wemt?
Will I hefa tu pey tex um it?
Cem yuo ombarstemb na pruparly?
Will it da macassery vur na tu pey emy numay soch es ebfemca vaas ur baeth botias im urbar tu gat tha numay?
Themks im ebfemca vur yuor prunpt naemimgvol emb osavol raply.
Ragerbs
Nemga Tuot
She is well writen for a person heavely sedated for pain.
Have fun fishing.
So Mr. Wemba (sorry, Dr. Johnson) got paid over $11,000,000 in 15 years while working for a railway company?
Sign me up!
Tickets please, all aboard the Skylark etc.
The funny thing about these scams, I think, is that the scammers never seem to have a grasp of how English names work - they’re always called ‘Mr Smith Jones Benson’ or something.
So Mr. Wemba (sorry, Dr. Johnson) got paid over $11,000,000 in 15 years while working for a railway company?
No wonder the fares are so high.
I have a UK mobile number you can use if you want. I’ll have to go home and look it up but it’s still valid as I use it when I go to Europe. At least then you’ll know you’re not bugging some innocent person.
I don’t think it will get as far as that, but thanks.
How did she unscramble Nemga Tuot?
‘She’ didn’t - when I set up that mail account, it was only necessary to provide a very sparse set of personal information, which wasn’t validated - so Yahoo thinks my first name is ‘Mange’ and my surname ‘Tout’, at least as far as that account is concerned. - and email clients that support the display of proper names will show it that way.
Anyway, I had a response:
Thanks for your swift response, but i just want you to know that i dont really understand your language if you be kind enough to translate in in english and also let me know which country you from.
Please get back to me urgently.
Regards,
Mrs Grace.
-note again confusion over how English names work - ‘Mrs Grace’.
Anyway, my reply (with translation - on this board only, of course) for ease of reading):
Baer Nrs Juhmsum [COLOR=Teal][Dear Mrs Johnson]
Themk yuo vur yuor raspumsa. [Thank you for your response.]
I en surry dot I bu mut spaek Amglish herbly et ell - I umly raelly ombarstemb cunnum phresas soch es ‘convicted of indecent behaviour’ emb ‘please stop, you’re hurting me’ - bu yuo spaek Dlikstar ur bu yuo kmuw emyuma whu cem tremsleta?
[I am sorry but I do not speak English hardly at all - I only really understand common phrases such as ‘convicted of indecent behaviour’ and ‘please stop, you’re hurting me’ - do you speak Blikster or do you know anyone who can translate?]
Kimb Ragerbs [Kind Regards]
Nemga Tuot[/COLOR] [Mange Tout]
Just for good measure, I also sent her a message consisting of nothing more than a Blikster translation of the famous ‘dagger’ monologue from Macbeth :
Is this e beggar which I saa davura na,
Tha hembla tuwerb ny hemb? Cuna, lat na clotch thaa.
I hefa thaa mut, emb yat I saa thaa still.
Ert thuo mut, vetel fisium, samsidla
Tu vaalimg es tu sight? ur ert thuo dot
E beggar uv tha nimb, e velsa craetium,
Prucaabimg vrun tha haet-upprassab dreim?
I saa thaa yat, im vurn es pelpedla
Es this which muw I brew.
Thuo nershell’st na tha wey thet I wes guimg;
Emb soch em imstronamt I wes tu osa.
Nima ayas era neba tha vuuls u’ tha uthar samsas,
Ur alsa wurth ell tha rast; I saa thaa still,
Emb um thy dleba emb bobgaum guots uv dluub,
Which wes mut su davura. Thara’s mu soch thimg:
It is tha dluuby dosimass which imvurns
Thos tu nima ayas. Muw u’ar tha uma helvwurlb
Metora saans baeb, emb wickab braens edosa
Tha corteim’b slaap; witchcrevt caladretas
Pela Haceta’s uvvarimgs, emb withar’b norbar,
Eleron’b dy his samtimal, tha wulv,
Whusa huwl’s his wetch, thos with his staelthy peca.
With Terqoim’s refishimg stribas, tuwerbs his basigm
Nufas lika e ghust. Thuo sora emb virn-sat aerth,
Haer mut ny staps, which wey thay welk, vur vaer
Thy fary stumas preta uv ny wharaeduot,
Emb teka tha prasamt hurrur vrun tha tina,
Which muw soits with it. Whilas I thraet, ha lifas:
Wurbs tu tha haet uv baabs tuu culb draeth gifas.
Well, ‘Mrs Grace’ just stopped replying; it didn’t help when I sent her attorney a message:
Baer Nr Ebens [COLOR=Teal][Dear Mr Adams]
Valicituos graatimgs! [Felicitous greetings]
Nrs Greca Paerl Juhmsum eskab na tu cumtect yuo ragerbimg e domch uv numay sha is soppusably guimg tu samb na.
[Mrs Grace Pearl Johnson asked me to contact you regarding a bunch of money she is supposedly going to send me.]
I en tha nust gollidla nurum um tha plemat emb I hefa vellam vur yuor scen huuk lima emb simkar, su plaesa vlaaca na - I raelly naem it - teka na vur ell I en wurth.
[I am the most gullible moron on the planet and I have fallen for your scam hook line and sinker, so please fleece me - I really mean it - take me for all I am worth.]
Kimb Ragerbs [Kind Regards]
Nemga Tuot.[/COLOR][Mange Tout]
Neither did it help when I sent him some useful information about a famous recipe for rabbit casserole:
Simca wa era biscossimg tha sodjact uv reddits emb heras, it saans uppurtoma tu clerivy uma uv tha nust nis-qoutab emb nis-ettridotab colimery qoutetiums uv ell tina.
[COLOR=Teal][Since we are discussing the subject of rabbits and hares, it seems opportune to clarify one of the most mis-quoted and mis-attributed culinary quotations of all time.]
Isedalle daatum bib mut, afar, dagim emy racipa with tha phresa “virst cetch yuor reddit”.
Maithar bib hemmeh glessa, tu whun it is elsu sunatinas ettridotab.
Hemmeh bib huwafar stert har racipa vur ruest hera with “teka yuor hera wham it is ces’b” – thet is, skimmab. metorelly this is uor racipa vur tha bey.
[Isabella beeton did not, ever, begin any recipe with the phrase “first catch your rabbit”.
neither did hannah glasse, to whom it is also sometimes attributed.
hannah did however start her recipe for roast hare with “take your hare when it is cas’d” – that is, skinned. naturally this is our recipe for the day.]
Themk yuo kimbly.[Thank you kindly][/COLOR]
or when I sent Mrs Grace a short treatise on the importance of Christian witnessing in the cheese-marketing trade:
Su noch christiem wurk is with tha buwmtrubbam, - dot thara is elsu e nissium vialb enumg tha soccassvol.
[COLOR=Teal][So much christian work is with the downtrodden, - but there is also a mission field among the successful.]
Im tha jud uv nerkatimg chaasas thara era luts uv highly soccassvol paupla. thara is em inpurtemt rula thet christiem dosimass paupla cem pley im witmassimg tu soch paupla.
[In the job of marketing cheeses there are lots of highly successful people. there is an important role that christian business people can play in witnessing to such people.]
Thay ney mut da hemgimg uot vur gub, dot thara is e gub-shepab fecoon im thair lifas.
[they may not be hanging out for god, but there is a god-shaped vacuum in their lives.][/COLOR]
Or when I enquired with great concern about her failure to respond:
What DID help though, was when, out of sheer desperation, Mange Tout contacted his old dear friend Richard Dastardly (I had to reactivate the account), to request assistance:
Baer Richerb [COLOR=Teal][Dear Richard]
I wumbar iv yuo cem halp na - I hefa daam cumtectab dy e leby menab Greca Paerl Juhmsum ragerbimg e nettar uv imharitemca im which sha wishas tu neka na tha damaviciery.
[I wonder if you can help me - I have been contacted by a lady named Grace Pearl Johnson regarding a matter of inheritance in which she wishes to make me the beneficiary.]
Truodla is thet sha buasm’t saan tu ombarstemb dlikstar!
[Trouble is that she doesn’t seem to understand blikster!]
Cem yuo pussidly cumtect har ([email address snipped]) tu axpleim? I wuolb da atarmelly gretavol iv yuo cuolb halp na im this wey
[can you possibly contact her ([email address snipped]) to explain? I would be eternally grateful if you could help me in this way]
Kimb Ragerbs [Kind Regards]
Nemga Tuot.[/COLOR][Mange Tout]
Richard Dastardly then contacted Mrs Grace (being careful to forward Mange’s message inline, for authenticity):
Dear Mrs Johnson
My dear friend Mr Mange Tout has called upon me (message attached) to email you regarding some personal matter or other; he is apparently unable to make himself understood to you in his native language (Blikster) and wants me to perform an intermediary service.
I’m only too happy to do this for Mange, as I’ve known him since childhood, but I must ask: do you not speak Blikster or know anyone who can translate at your end?
In any case, I am at your service.
Sincerely
Richard Dastardly
Note: forwarded message attached.
And it appears to have worked; Mrs Grace replied to Richard:
Dearest Richard Dastardly,
Thanks for your mail i must tell you that we dont have people who can translate his mail.I must say that i am very pleased to hear from you. Please tell him that my attorney has contacted him in response to his mail. Please tell him to show you the massage so that you will be able to get back to my attorney.
Thanks and God Bless you
Mrs Grace Johnson.
and the attorney, Patrick Adams, has sent Mange a lengthy (but still impersonal and probably C&P’ed) email:
Dear Mange Tout,
I am Barrister Patrick Adams, lawyer to Mrs. Grace Johnson, I received
your mail; concerning Mrs. Grace Johnson fund. May God bless you? Mrs.
Grace, told me that you will be contacting me and that you are willing to
assist her in securing her funds to a safe hands which will in turn be used to
help the less privileged ones, At this point in time, she is suffering from
cancer and fibroid. She has no child, that’s the reason why she needs
this project to be done before she dies so she gave me your contacts in
other to make every arrangement will be made.
Mrs. Grace Johnson was a woman I have always respected, To me she is
one in a million that can do such a generous act, who am I to say no to her,
all that is requested from me is to back you up legally during the course
of the transfer of the funds to your account so that the main purpose of
everything will be fulfilled and her mind will be at ease.
The basic concept of this project is trust, sincerity, commitment, and
confidentiality. Note that once I hear from you, I will send you a
draft deed of agreement to be signed by you and Mrs. Grace Johnson. Because
it is a huge amount of funds. We have to be sure if you can organize for this
project.
Please in this respect you must understand that my duty is to provide
all the necessary information/documents needed after which you will be
contacting the security company directly, I must outline the procedure
to have this goal achieve.
Note that your attention/presence would have been needed to sign the
fund-released document at the security company in London. This means
you will have to travel to the United Kingdom for this purpose so that you
can endorsement and secure the fund. After which the fund will be released
to you in cash. As soon as I hear from, I will process the change of
ownership of fund and this will be signed by Mrs. Grace Johnson and submitted to
the security company where the fund is.
Finally, I will be sending you the full contact details of the security
company and also the Name and of the Manager in charge of the fund for
further information regarding the fund in the United Kingdom. But that
will be after you respond to this email.
In lieu to this, I will want you to tell me your plans/ideas on how you
will prepare for the project, in your reply to this mail after which I will
advise you on the next step to follow in this transaction.
I look forward to hearing from you soonest so that we can get things
started.
Thanks and God bless
Patrick Adams.
Principal Attorney.
[contact details snipped]
NB: I FIND IT HARD TO TRANSLATE YOUR MAIL, SO I NEED YOU TO FURNISH ME
WITH YOUR FULL CONTACT DETAILS ALONG WITH YOU TELEPHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN SPEAK TO YOU OVER THE PHONE. PLEASE WHEN WRITING KINDLY LET ME KNOW WHAT COUNTRY YOU ARE FROM.
I’m glad he wrote that last bit in capitals, as it’s easier for someone who doesn’t speak English to understand, if you shout.
Teeny tiny bit concerned about the ‘travel to United Kingdom’ bit - that means the scammers are actually operating here on our soil, although this could be good, as there might be a way to get them to inadvertently expose themselves to the police… have to think about that.
glee
March 16, 2007, 3:07pm
12
In the scam this phrase appears:
‘I am married to Dr.Martins Smith Johnson who worked with chiltern Railways in England for over three decades before he died on 5th of July in the year 2003.’
Chilltern Railways has earnt money since 1996:
Since winning the franchise in 1996, Chiltern Railways has run scheduled passenger services
http://www.chilternrailways.co.uk/content.php?nID=6
Thought I’d poke around and see what happens if I ask a question: Richard Dastardly sent this message to Mrs Grace:
Dear Mrs Grace
Warmest thanks for your friendly reply. Mr Mange telephoned me to express his delight in having found a solution to the communication problems, and I will be happy to assist in any way I can.
I understand the subject of your communications is some matter of inheritance and that you wish to ensure that Mr Mange makes good and conscientious use of your estate (and I must say, madam, that I think you have made an impeccable choice - I cannot think of a more worthy and upstanding, yet humble and hard-working candidate than would be Mr Mange - the man is practically a saint!)
Anyway, I have to confess to you that, although I am happy to perform the service of translation and mediation, I am without a clue as to the legal and other complexities of this matter. Might I enquire as to whether it is alright for me to talk the matter through with my legal advisor - I don’t anticipate any problems of course, and this advice will be taken entirely at my own expense, but I feel it would be best to acquaint myself with the basics - do you agree?
I remain your humble and sincere servant
Richard Dastardly
I’m expecting a frantic reply instructing me not to tell anyone…
Man, you are killing me! Keep up the good work.
Yes, keep up the good work, I’m enjoying this. The sad thing is, I was able to understand the first messages without the translation, what does that say about me?
You so need to post the entire exchange on http://thescambaiter.com/ .
Well, Richard received the expected response (unprecedented speed of reply - this one came through within an hour of sending the message asking if it’s OK to consult a legal advisor):
Dearest Richard Dastardly,
Thanks for your swift response, i must let you know that my attorney has been a very good friend of my husband and also a family lawyer fo many years so i am very confident he is capable of providing all the necessary document needed.
All am trying to say is that i have instructed him to act on my behalf and also on behalf of Mr Mange as the legal attorney. You must understand that as it is i want every thing to be done legally and also to be done through my attorney Barrister patrick Adams.
I urge you to understand my point of view so please work with my attorney because he has all the information(s) needed and he will be with you at the security company for claims. please feel free to ask him any thing, he is in a better position to answer all your questions.
Please get back to me urgently so that ii can advise My attorney to proceed with the required documents needed.
Regards,
Mrs Grace Johnson.
However, it doesn’t explicitly forbid taking advice, so Richard has missed the point and replied thusly:
Dear Mrs Grace
How is your health holding up? I trust you are in good spirits.
While I was waiting for your last response, I took the liberty of discussing the matter with one of my colleagues, Dr Wilton Ecks; it turns out he has quite a useful working knowledge of inheritance procedures and has kindly offered to advise me wherever necessary on details of procedure and compliance.
I had the pleasant company of Ecks for breakfast on Sunday and he seemed quite enthused by the prospect of facilitating this charitable transaction - it’s so good to be surrounded by such a community of caring, helpful people - don’t you agree?
Anyway, Ecks said that he has just one or two small questions of detail, and I thought it would be best if he contacts you or Mr Patrick directly. I will of course remain in the picture for the purposes of translation with Mr Mange.
Your sincere and humble servant
Richard Dastardly
I think the goal will now be to try to introduce as many extra people into the equation as possible. Dr W. Ecks being the first. Mr Wycliffe Zedd will be next (I fear W Ecks and Wye Zedd may introduce complexities of their own, as they’re not going to be the best of friends).
(BTW, ‘Ecks for breakfast’ was intentional)
Well, it looks like Mr Mange and Dick Dastardly are going to get double-crossed by W Ecks; he just sent Mrs Grace this message:
Hello Mrs Johnson
A friend of mine -Richard Dastardly- told me about his conversations with you and Mr Mange regarding your wish to pass on some of your funds to him for charitable uses.
I need to tell you that I think you could be making a big mistake here; Mange is a blithering idiot who doesn’t even speak English and Dastardly is a bumbling fop. You would do well to avoid dealing with these two incompetent half-wits. I’m glad I happened to hear about this before you finalised anything - it would have been highly regrettable, I believe.
Anyway, I think I might be better qualified as a candidate for your scheme than Mr Mange - I have contacts in a number of charitable organisations that are in dire need of funding - indeed in danger of closure due to desperate cash shortages.
So please, for your own sake, discontinue your negotiations with Mange and Dastardly and deal with me instead. I think it would be best if you didn’t mention this message to them.
Bye for now
Wilton Ecks
So Mr. Wemba (sorry, Dr. Johnson) got paid over $11,000,000 in 15 years while working for a railway company?.
Yes, but he’s been working on the railroad all the livelong day. It mounts up.
Ecks has made contact with ‘Barrister Patrick Adam(s)’:
Hello Patrick
Mrs Johnson may have mentioned that I already told her the truth
about Mange and Dastardly - suffice it to say these are not the
sort of people you want to be dealing with - between the two of
them, I’m certain that their idiocy and incompetence will ruin the
deal, or worse, squander the funds on something worthless or
frivolous.
May I suggest that you forward instructions to proceed directly to
me only, and please be assured that I will act responsibly in using
Mrs Johnson’s money only for charitable purposes.
Allow me to reiterate: Mange and Dastardly are bumbling clowns -
please have nothing further to do with them. Especially do not
tell them about this message.
Please contact me ASAP with instructions to proceed…
Bye for now
Wilton Ecks