I recieved this lovely email the other day:
From: Mrs Janet Hamsom
Dear in christ
I am Mrs Janet Hamson from Kuwait.I am married to Mr Richard Hamson .He worked with Kuwait embassy here in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2006. We were married for eleven years without a child.
He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.
When my late Husband was alive he deposited the sum of $10.6Million (Five Million six hundred thousand U.S. Dollars)in one of the international Banks here in abidjan.recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to you with hope that you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want you to use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.
The Bible made us to understand that “Blessed is the hand that giveth”. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my plenty of relatives are not Christians and I don’t want our efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.
This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that “the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”. I don’t need any telephone
I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in
Please always be prayerful all through your life and any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another person for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.
Hoping to receive your reply.
So it only seemed polite to reply; I wrote back:
To: Mrs Janet Hamsom
I haven’t really a clue what you’re talking about - could you say the same again, only using less words?
The reply was almost [del]imstamt[/del] instant:
Dear in christ,
More information, my Husband is late and i want you to use our funds for work of God as i cannot be able to do that due to my illness. please reply so that i will instruct the bank where the fund was deposited to transfer the fund to your ACCOUNT.
Hoping to receive your reply.
He’s late eh? I mean, I expect he’s stuck in traffic or something. Anyway, I wrote back:
Again, the reply came speeding back:
You can only imagine my joy! - but let’s make it simpler - I despise institutions…
This time, she waited a whole day before replying, but made up for it by sending the same message several times:
Subject:Miracle of God
God bless you for your mail, i have instructed my bank to write a check for you, please let me know when my bank contact you and when you received the check.
remin bless in the lord,
Well, I was so overwhelmed, I was almost speechless! - You don’t believe me? look - here’s my reply:
And that’s as far as we’ve played… for now…
To: Janet, Dammit
Goddamn this is good news. My gambling, drinking, and heroin addictions have used up all the funds I had to the point I can’t afford any more crack or whores. The orphanage I knocked over earlier this year was pretty poor and didn’t provide me with enough of a stipend to live in the manner I’ve become accustomed to.
Bless you for thinking of me (as well as my dealer, bartender, and a few pimps) in my time of ultimate need.
Sincerely,
Duke
When you receive the bogus cheque or money order, send this:
Dear Ms Hamsom,
I am so pleased to hear that you support Our Lord And Master, and so generously, too!
Mangetout has been seconded to another mission; from this date forward I will be your primary contact in the Red Brotherhood. Please address all future correspondance to me. I have sufficient privileges with Our Master that I can expedite any problems that may occur.
Thank you for the cheque. I will be be depositing it forthwith. Our Master is pleased with your contributions to His Dark Goals.
Kang of the Red Brotherhood
Give them a name and use a local church address.
Well, to my dismay, Mrs Hambone doesn’t seem to be geting back to me, neither do her attorneys, or bank officials or whoever they were supposed to be, however, all is not lost, because I just received another couple of emails; the first one says I’ve won the lottery!:
leo könig
Dear Winner,
Congratulations to you as we bring to your notice the result of Uplift Nacional Award Promotions. We are happy to inform you that your emails address have emerged a winner of (One Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro) 150, 000.00 Euros.
NOTE: To file for your claim, please contact the claim department below on email or phone
Mr. Frank Sancho
Find below your promotion Date, Reference and Batch numbers. Remember to quote these numbers in your correspondence with your claims agent (Mr. Frank Sancho)
PROMOTION DATE : 6th of September 2007.
Congratulations once again from all our staff and thank you for believing on email communication and also for being part of our promotion program.
NOTE: All winnings must be claimed not later than 30 days from the promotion date. You will only be required to pay for the issuance of your winning certificate to enable process the legalization/notarization of the document in court.
Sincerely Yours,
Benson Maris."Mrs
Congratulation indeed! And thank!
No sooner had I sent that reply off, than another email arrived…
In all seriousness, now, this has to be the most barefaced example of cheeky scamminess I’ve yet seen:
From: DR. JOHN SMITH INVESTIGATION
NIGERIAN FOREIGN PAYMENT INVESTIGATION AGENCY
Attn: RE: FRAUD ALERT NOTIFICATION.
Based on our findings in this investigation department, we wish to warn you against some Miscreants, Hoodlums and Touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. We were informed that some Hoodlums are contacting you in respect to the collection of your fund, which was long approved in your favor with the Central Bank of Nigeria. As a matter of fact, we have been on this investigation assignment for some time codedly known to no one but the Presidency and some top government official who are in support of this investigation team to help stop fraudulent activities in this country and as well restore the image that has been tarnished by the below listed group of people.
Although, we have been able to come up with some good results about the people that have extorted money from you illegally and I wish to list them so that you will personally indicate them by writing back to us with the name of whom scammed you among them as we want to make sure your payment is routed to you without any further delay and note that we will surely deal and bring to book the names of people below if only you will cooperate with us by indicating correctly any of them.
The names of the Scammers that have been arrested are as follows:
Prof. Charles Soludo
Chief Joseph Sanusi
Dr. R. Rasheed
Barrister Awele Ugorji
Barrister Ucheuzo Williams
Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Obi:Deputy Governor - Policy / Board Member
Mr. Tunde Lemo: Deputy Governor - Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member
Mrs. W. D. A. Mshelia: Deputy Governor - Corporate Services / Board Members
Mrs. Okonjo Iweala
Mrs. Rita Ekwesili
The above listed names are been traced/investigated by the EFCC and some of them have eloped the country and note that if any of them is caught and found guilty he/she we go to jailed for 25 years (twenty five years) as it is under the Degree 47 of the constitution of this country under the section of criminal law. So, we are waiting for you to write us back and inform us if any of the above names have Extorted from you or once contacted you so that we can start taking the necessary procedural steps prior to bringing them to book and having your fund wired into your Bank account as nominated accordingly. Should incase the name of the Hoodlum that scammed you is not listed above, we will advise that you forward to us the name and his contact so that we can trace them and as well bring them to book.
Note that the only office/paying bank that has the right to pay or contact you prior to the Transfer of your fund is the Mercantile Trust Bank Plc, which is currently been headed by the Bank Governor. You are further advised to deal directly with them and do what so ever you are asked to do because that is the only way you will achieve the success in the wire of your funds to you as designated. We apologies on behalf of the President and the people of Nigeria for any delay and lost this must have coursed you in any way and I promise that such thing will not occur again in the future and should incase you are currently dealing with any one of them regarding your fund, we urge you to stop further contact with them as you are taking a very big risk and it might interest you to know that you will never get your fund from them as they have nothing to offer. The hoodlums will continue coming up with expenses and thereby requesting for money from you until you go Bankrupt. Hence, your funds are currently deposited with the above named Bank and in safe hands.
Finally, we are expecting to hear from you today unfailingly so as to enable us serve you better and wire your funds into your Bank account as nominated.
Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation and understanding while we wait for your urgent response.
Yours sincerely,
.
So I’ve replied to the fraud department of investigation in the persona of Richard Dastardly (from this thread):
Dear Dr Smith John
Thank you for contact emailing me. I hope you are be able for help - about perhaps maybe possibly two years ago, I was contact emailed by a man whose name was calling itself Mr Austin Wemba
He is having promised to give me a share of THE SUM OF USD 22.7 MILLION DOLLARS, in exchanging for my helping with his transferring of that money sums out of the country and into a bank.
But Mr Austin was not a good man. Not did only he not give me a share of the promise money, but also and additionally, he stole away from me nearly two thousand dollars in cash money that I did borrow for the paying in advance of fees, also, additionally and furthermore, when I went by travel to meet him at hotel in Lagos, he assaulted me with six strong men of much violence, also, additionally, furthermore, likewise and finally, he stole away from me a whole number of expensive watches and portable computers that he has previously and beforehand told me to be buying for presents for officials and secretaries.
I was badly injured during assault and for this reason, I constantly ate soup for eighteen months afterward and following.
The police men were very sympathetic and gratifying, but there was nothing of the money or goods that could be able to be recovered and given back to me.
So I ask you now - I see Mr Austin Wemba is not included within your lists of captured men, however and regardless, I will be wondering if possibly maybe perhaps Mr Austin may have been captured and caught before and previously.
It’s an elongated shot, but I wanted to know, so here I ask.
I make sorry for the poor of English, I am not of its language
Many kind regards
Richard Dastardly.
Mtgman
September 8, 2007, 12:17am
7
Recently we were in the market for a used vehicle and we scanned autotrader.com for some like what we were looking for. We found a 2005 Nissan Frontier with 17K miles, supposedly in perfect condition, and they wanted 8K for it(Blue book is roughly 17K, alarm bell #1 ). We’re in North Texas, and the listing said this was local, but the number was a New York state number(Alarm bell #2 ). I tried to call it and it was a fax machine(Alarm bell #3 ). So I sent off an email to the seller asking for a VIN number and some more info about it. In the meantime we signed up for Carfax, and started looking for realistic used trucks. Imagine my suprise when I got this email.
Amy&Luis Bloom to me
Hi,www.securetrading.com ).
Thank you and if you need more info’s about the car feel free to contact me.
God Bless
Hmm, interesting, but yea, right. The semi-fractured English was interesting too. So here’s what I sent back.
I’m interested in more information about the car before we move on to financial arrangements. Do you have a VIN number I can check against Carfax? Also you mention the car is located in the United States, and it came up on a search of used vehicles in my area(Dallas, TX). The phone number listed on the ad was a New York number(maybe your number, minus country code, translates into a New York number). Is there someone local we could work through to arrange a test drive and mechanics inspection? If the car would have to be shipped to my area then it would have complicate matters because I’m not willing to commit to a purchase without a test drive and inspection. I’m not familiar with Secure Trading, but I’ll do some research. I don’t have a problem using an online service to manage this type of transaction, but I would like to understand how they work before committing.
Other than that, I hope you’re enjoying Edinburgh and are doing well in general.
Thanks,
And a near immediate reply.
Hi again,
God Bless
Umm, so you’re wiling to front a grand of shipping, sell a car for less than half blue book, and give me a money back guarantee? Or you’re backpedaling and hoping to get 4k out of me once it was clear I wasn’t going to wire the whole 8k immediately. Hmm, time to fish a bit more.
The next step for me is to get a VIN number so I can run a report with Carfax or a similar reporting agency. Again, I’m not averse to using a process like the one you outline, but at this point I have no independent verification of the vehicle information, mileage, or condition. I’ve never used SecureTrading and I do not know what protections or rules they have for executing these types of transactions, especially internationally. Before either of us makes a committment(you paying shipping or me paying a deposit), I will need this type of information
Note the lack of the pleasantries in the sign-off. I really didn’t expect anything after that. But, here it comes.
Holy crap! A VIN?!? And it checks out in Carfax? As a Fleet vehicle registered in California??? At this point my alarm bells have gone silent and my laugh track is going full speed. Time to drop the boom. I forwarded the email chain to securetrading.com with the following questions.
Subject: A question about your services.
I have recieved the following proposal from someone claiming to have property in the US they are trying to sell, in the US. They are currently residing in the UK. They propose to set up an account with your company and have your agents broker the deal and process the payment, in at least a two step process. I am not seeing any products or services on your website which correspond with the description of the transaction as this person describes it. Can you verify if this is a service you offer? If so, is it accurately and truthfully represented below? Do you have formal documentation which describes the agreement and procedures to execute it? I’m specifically interested in legal protections for non-UK residents who are customers of UK merchants.
Thank you for your time.
Steven
The answer I got back was even better than I had hoped for.
Dear Steven,
Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We can confirm that this individual is in no way affiliated to SecureTrading and that SecureTrading does not offer any such payment, case or escrow service.
We will be investigating the matter further and following up with the authorities in the hope that we can avoid anyone being misled in future.
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact us on legal@securetrading.com .
Regards,
The Legal Team
Game, set, and match.
Enjoy,
ivylass
September 8, 2007, 12:29am
8
hawthorne got a bottle of wine out of this scam.
Quite astonishingly, the ‘ANTI- TERRORISM CLEARANCE/FRAUD UNIT’ knew of Austin Wemba!
ANTI- TERRORISM CLEARANCE/FRAUD UNIT
Be inform that i Dr John Smith Director Foreign Payment Investigation department is giving you ASSURANCE that you will receive your fund through certified check free of charge, you will not spend and cent ok.
you are advice to stop communitcating with any office here if you wish to receive your fund. we need only your full name and your house address to us.
I will appreciate your prompt response on this matter. Call on getting this email for more updates. If acknowledged get back to me as soon as possible to enable us to proceed.
Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation and understanding while we wait for your urgent response.
Call the number below for more clarification.
Yours sincerely,
My reply:
Dear Mr John
I am of great thanks toward you for your large reply to me. It will be very good if the money can be returned to me but please tell me - how is possible this without if you have caught and apprehended Mr Austin? Where comes from the money?
Kindest Regards
Since you like to do this and I don’t, I give yo some new personalities to work from.
A person under house arrest that can’t leave the building.
A person that will be getting out of jail soon. They were framed for knee capping someone, but that fucker won’t be around for long.
A person that by court order has had all their money matters put under the control of a lawyer. This ward will need to convince the lawyer to do the deal, so please ask for something to convince the lawyer. You can switch to the lawyer at some point and send a message that you will find and prosecute them. They will think they had a legitimate sucker, whose lawyer is now after them.
A hooker asking to pay the fees by prostitution.
A soldier that is fighting in Iraq, and he can’t leave his station for 6 more months.
A cruise ship employee that wants to pick up the goods when in port.
Here’s a few more (and keep the stories coming!):
A nurse whose husband is in an “iron” lung, so she’s as homebound as he is.
Woman with “special needs” twins.
Disabled man who just converted to Christianity.
New college grad looking for investment ops or new car.
Dateline did a story on this topic two weeks ago. My favorite moment was the fat bald black guy taking off when the reporter told him about who he was and what he was doing.
jjimm
September 10, 2007, 2:39pm
13
I suggest your next baiting persona should be that of an East End gangster, replete with slang (you faakin muppet) - see how scared you can make them.