According to FOX Kids (don’t even ask), America’s “Hottest New Band” is that unbeleeeeeeevably famous and talented group: Dream Street. Yes, folks, you too (by entering their sweepstakes) can find out what it’s like to hang with the guys, get front row tickets to their show, hang backstage, “learn a few moves”, and all that stuff that we secretly dream of. ::klonking sound of my head beating frantically against the wall:: Now, I don’t have a clue whether N’Sync was a clone of the Backstreet Boys, or vice versa; but now we have their little brothers. Exact same formula, only these five rudimentally harmonising, pseudo-hip-hop dancin’ cuties are like thirteen years old; so it’s TOTALLY different. Good Lord, will this evil never end??? Blecch! Please, someone shoot me.
As compensation for tolerating this latest abomination of underage sexploitation, I as a male am hereby demanding equality: a pubescent knockoff of the Spice Girls. Introducing the Barbee Dolls: Flirty Doll, Smoochy Doll, Pouty Doll, Cuddly Doll, and Pajama Doll. Get them all stuffed training bras and midriff revealing outfits with tight little shorts. They don’t have to be able to sing, just sort of dance around and gyrate their hips a lot. And lip gloss. Lots of glistening lip gloss. After all, it’s all about the music, isn’t it, people? Really it is.
I await my backstage pass. Or the Feds. I should probably shut up.
(Hey, I figure I can at least get flamed in my first Pit thread, if nothing else. It’s gotta still count.)
I hate it when they have the nerve to even call these performers “bands”. There oughtta be a law.
It will end only when there are no longer any prepubescent little SpiceDolls who want nothing more in than to create pom pom routines to N’Sync while dressed as Brittany Spears. I know I can’t wait for my daughter to outgrow them, but hey… didn’t I have Shaun Cassidy at that age?
Making Of The Band. No, I never watched it. Yes, I’m glad it bombed. But I watched a commercial for it and I just don’t get it. There was one part where they were in a gymnasium and there were thousands of girls screaming out like these guys were the Beatles. Why?
The whole point of this show was to take a bunch of unknowns and make them famous simply by telling everyone “Hey, these guys are famous.” Before they entered this gym, these girls had probably never heard of this group, never seen any members of this group, and never heard any songs from this group. They couldn’t pick out one of the band members from a police line-up if their life depended on it, yet they were fawning all over these guys. Why? Why? Please, someone tell me why? I just don’t get it, why? Why? Why?
I’m still waiting for Bobby Sherman to bust back on the scene and broom-handle violate all of these abominations that have been called teen idols after him.
Shaun Cassady, Andy Gibb, Menudo, NKOTB, BSB, Nsuck, ALL OF YOU! OVER AGAINST THAT WALL, AND SPREAD EM!
“Mr. Sherman, here’s your splintery broom handle. Have at 'em!”
[daydreamy voice]
Ahhh, Bobby Sherman. Now HE was a dreamboat!
[/daydreamy voice]
No finer object lesson exists concerning America’s obsession with unearned wealth and unmerited fame. These so-called “bands” are nothing more than commercial packaging on a par with such atrocities as television cartoon “shows” that are, in reality, half hour commercials (see; Strawberry Shortcake).
When the American public wises up and learns to demand quality from its “artists”, things might change. As long as we continue to settle for lowest common denominator programming and entertainment, don’t hold your breath.
Personal outrage is not sufficient. Boycotting such drivel and educating those involved as to exactly why such fluff does not count in the scheme of things must occur. It’s the old style over substance issue that Americans have yet to grasp.
Actually I think this is self served by the artists themselves. Usually the artists get tired of their teen idol status and try to prove they are real artists by releasing an album of their own written songs, and then they fade off into obscurity.
Check out meatycheesyboys.com!!! Funny site. I actually went there and sent “The Other EJ” and e-mail saying “omg i loev ur badn it is so coal i m ur bigest fan please marry me, oh btgw i m a 40-year-old man”
Actually, though I HATE their music, the guys in NSYNC seem pretty funny. And they ARE fans of MST3K and include it in their act! (My sis is an NSYNC fanatic!)