Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle-Aged-Man Fetish

Because sometimes The Onion gets it so rightthey deserve their own post.

My fave bit

Kinda reminds me of a brief they had: Asian Man has Thing for Asian Women

Truly hilarious, and so on the mark.

“I just hope they don’t mind the fact that I’m completely shaven,” Nakajima said. “Oh, who am I kidding? They’d probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me.”

This is the one that put me in hysterics:

“Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures.”

The joke is what, that people lust after things they’d never get in real life? Glad the Onion figured that out.

Onion Title: Bears really do shit in the woods!

A very funny article.

I thought the joke was a role reversal- rather than a middle-aged man being attracted to young Asian schoolgirls, it’s the other way around.

Yeah but why is that supposed to be funny? I’m just wondering what is perceived as being the joke here.

Back in the fifties it might have been humorous to put in gasp male nurses as social commentary. These days if I was to write a joke article about gasp female programmers, no one would see what the joke was. Almost all programmers are male, so it would be a role reversal, but no one thinks that programmers must be male so it wouldn’t be making any sort of biting social commentary, and hence not funny.

What biting critique of life is meant to be being pointed at here? “Middle aged guys like exotic sweet young thangs” just doesn’t seem all that snicker inducing. I mean, what are they expecting? If they think this is something that needs to be fixed, I’ll point them to the Prohibition years. Some things is just innate and unchanging. Guys are going to like exotic sweet young thangs for millenia to come and trying to fight it just ain’t going to be a success.

Who said anything about “something that needs to be fixed?” Sounds like someone’s a sweaty middle-aged male with an Asian teen fetish that got hit a little too close to home. :stuck_out_tongue:

I think the joke is about about popups that show pics of nubile young girls who are purportedly “in your area,” and “looking to hook up.” The article just takes an inane advertising strategy at face value to show how asinine it really is.

I guess I haven’t noticed them.

Actually I’m a skinny young guy who has met many and is rather disturbed by people with yellow fever.

The issue for me here is that while I never really seem to find anything particularly funny in Onion articles, I can usually at least spot what the joke is supposed to be. I couldn’t with this one and yet this one was given its own OP.

It’s funny 'cause it’s funny.

The joke is suspiciously off the mark.

Middle-aged overweight losers are hardly likely to believe they have a chance with hot Asian teens.

The far more natural target would have been young, Japan-obsessed males. “Asian Teen has pasty white anime-nerd fetish.”

That might have hit too close to home for the Onion staff though.

See, now that one made me laugh. :slight_smile:

Reminds me of this event from my work life.

A few years ago at work I was in charge of a team of girls from a local high school. They spent a day with me learning basic business analysis functions and were then expected over a week to investigate one of our office procedures with a view to improving it. Before they arrived I sent an email to all the staff telling them the names of the team members, what they would be doing as they wandered around the building and where there “office” was.

Within minutes I began receiving “you lucky dog. Fancy trusting you with a bunch of teenage girls” type replies. So I sent another email to all the staff saying basically “I don’t wish to receive any more lecherous replies to my first email because no matter how much some men wish it, we do not live in a world were teenage girls lust after middle aged officer workers.” I got no more lecherous emails.

The next week when the girls arrived I introduced them around, got gear for them, set them up on the network, settled them in their room and finally went to the toilet. When I reached down to unzip my fly I discovered it had been open the whole time.

I think it’s pretty funny.

I used to teach English in Japan, and when this fact comes up I occasionally get comments from men like “I wouldn’t mind teaching some of those Japanese schoolgirls a thing or two, haw haw!” I usually think (but don’t say) “Yeah, because Japanese schoolgirls really have a thing for American men who look like real-life versions of Comic Book Guy.”

The Onion has previously done other articles spoofing common porn tropes, I remember one where a plumber explains that his work isn’t as glamorous as it seems in porn.

The only thing that bothers me is the article gives no contact information for that girl. Oh well, back to the IM…

Maybe, but I have a friend who looks Asian (her mother is Alaska Native) and is young and cute and she gets hit on a lot by older men. I get the feeling too that has at least a little bit to do with her looks. You have a point about “pasty white anime-nerd fetish” being perhaps more appropriate, but I wouldn’t sell short the delusional capacity for sweaty middle-aged men in this regard.

don’t ask, did you at least offer them some candy? :smiley: