"Ask about the Duane Reade Baby Club!"

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

That’s what the announcement said in the Duane Reade–“I could totally use one of those,” I thought. So I asked, and was disappointed to find it is only some damn discount program.

Misleading, is what *I *calls it.

2

It wouldn’t even need to be much of a club, with that soft spot thing they’ve got going on.

3

A harp seal club works just as well.

4

I thought maybe Baby Clubs came in pink or blue, or made squeaky noises when you used them.

5

I needed a new garage. I went to a garage sale.

I’m still parking on the street.

StG

6

I was thinking they were giving away babies and thought, I definitely don’t need one of those.

Now I see. Do the clubs come with mystery sticky baby crud pre-applied?

7

I keep pressing the escape key, but I’m still here.

8

Reminds me how disappointed I was upon finding out what Club Disney really was.

9

I childproofed my house but they keep getting in anyway.

10

I thought it was like a fruit-of-the-month club or something, only a baby-of -the month. That way every month is someone’s birthday!

11

I don’t want a Baby Club.

I’ll have the Baby Reuben instead.

12

It would give new meaning to ‘shipping and handling charges’!

13

I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.