My first “Ask the” Thread.
My girlfriend and I had our first date just over a year ago, we had an anniversary date last week. On our first date I was 34 1/2 and she was 18 1/2.
Anyone have an “Ask the” question?
Sure, I’ll start.
What do both of your families know, and what have they had to say about it?
Is she in school? Do you get along with each other’s friends?
How was prom?
I call sneak bragging!
Do you have any kids? If you do, how does she get along with them? Do you want any more? If you don’t have kids, do you want any in the future? Have you talked about it? Is the relationship “at that stage” yet?
Has anyone ever done something rude/awkward when they realised that you’re dating and that there’s a big age difference?
Do you HAVE to say 34 and HALF? Really?
Does an aspect of your relationship fill the role of a father figure for her? Did she lack a father figure growing up, either physically or emotionally?
Why are you dating a teenager? You don’t find it hard to relate to someone who was 5 when you were able to drink? Hell, I’m 23 and 18 year olds are in a completely different world to me.
What do you have in common?
Do you help her with her homework?
<checks forum–damn>
<rephrases question multiple times>
Um…why are you doing this, and worse, why did you start a thread to brag about it?
Grown men have no business dating teeny-bopppers.
Don’t knock it 'til you’ve tried it 
My girlfriend isn’t a teen, but she’s in her early 20s. We met, we hit it off, we have similiar habits and interests. Wasn’t really a choice, i.e., I wasn’t trolling for young women. It just happened.
My parents have a similar age difference to that described in the OP, so I obviously don’t feel weird about it, but what do you think of people who judge your relationship solely on age? Do you feel the need to justify the relationship to them or do you just ignore?
The OP is damn near twice the little girl’s age. She’s never been eligible to vote in a national election The OP was eligible to vote in the Clinton/Dole election. That just…ain’t right.
Oaky, as a former 18-year-old, I’d like to ask that you not call her a “little girl.” She’s not one.
“No Father. I’m telling everyone!”
As a middle-aged man, I’ll call anyone under 35 “little” “child” or “puppy lawyer” as I damn well please.
Does she have fake ID so you two can go to bars?
How often do people assume she’s your kid?
So don’t date anyone half your age if you don’t think it’s right.
People have no place telling two consenting adults that their relationship “ain’t right” based solely on age difference, and hopefully the OP ignores such silliness!
Just a bit of playfulness on my part. Thought that for her age, since the answer would have been 18, there would have been questions of “how 18 was she”, as in “Were you waiting for her 18th birthday to pounce?”
So, I figured I’d start of by specifying her age up to the month.
Since I did for her, I did for me as well- but, yes, 34 1/2 was meant to be a silly detail.
She lives with her parents, so they’re very much in the know.
We met about two weeks before our first date and on the day I met her she was with her mother- so, I actually met her and her mother on the same day.
So, when we went on our first date her mother already knew who the date was with.
We did a “Meet the Parents” outing about five weeks into the relationship. Of course this is much earlier than a dating couple might normally do a “Meet the Parents” thing, but I could understand with the age difference that they might be more than usually interested in meeting this guy who’s been taking out their daughter.
There was a little tension between her and her mother at first, but I think it was less of an “older boyfriend” concern and more of a “first boyfriend” anxiety- she really never had a boyfriend before me.
The tension also came from the fact that she and her mother are good as friends and as she was now becoming an adult she and her mother were doing more together. So, when mom suddenly had to “share” her “buddy” there were some issues with that.
But, there didn’t seem to be any issues specifically dealing with the age difference.
At this point, both her parents are quite fond of me- and I think they recognize that they enjoy my company more than if their daughter were bringing a 19 year old college guy around.
I live across the continent from my family, and we’re a family that mostly just has “let’s cover the basics” conversations. After we had been dating for about four months, I told my mother as an addendum when a phone conversation was coming to an end:
“Oh, I’ve been seeing the same girl now for about four months, so, there’s that.”
Mom: “Well, that’s nice. And things are going well?”
Me: “Yes, we both really enjoy spending time together. She is quite a bit younger than me, and I have never dated with a significant age difference before, so we’re taking it pretty slow.”
Mom: “O.K., well it is nice to have someone you enjoy spending time with.”
And mom didn’t ask about girlfriend’s age.
Another conversation sometime later, mom asked how the girlfriend was, I said good, mom asked what the girlfriend does, I said she’s in college.
So the age was now ballparked, again no pressing for details.
After we were dating for about six months, my brother, four years younger than me, came to visit. He met the girlfriend, they got along fine.
About eight months into the relationship, my mother came to visit. They met, the age was completely out in the open, and they each liked one another very much.
I’ve got no kids. I do live with my best friend, a single mom who has a 15 year old and a 13 year old. Because they met my girlfriend through me, they automatically put her in the “Grown-ups” category in their minds. My roommate asked to keep a “Don’t Volunteer” policy about sharing my girlfriends actually age, and her daughters never asked. Six months into the relationship was my girlfriend’s birthday so the age was no longer a secret. By this point my friend’s daughters already knew her as a person and knew our relationship for what it was, so the age wasn’t an issue.
This was, however, the biggest issue for me at the start of the relationship: she was only 4 1/2 years older than my friend’s oldest daughter- someone whose diapers I had changed, someone I thought of (and think of) very much as a child. But, recognizing that the difference between 14 and 18 is significant, far more significant than the difference between, say, 30 and 34, I allowed the relationship to grow but was cautious.
My girlfriend and my roommates daughters get along very well, but don’t have a “buddies” relationship. As noted above, in their minds she’s in the “Grown-ups” category.
I’ve no plans for kids anytime soon, and I think it’s completely unrealistic for her at this time or anytime soon (she agrees).
Nope. Everyone’s been nice (I believe sincerely so).
Two months before we met, she graduated highschool. As we met all of her closest friends we getting ready to go away to college, while she was the only one of her friends staying local for college. So, I didn’t meet any of her friends until Christmas break.
Her highschool friends have been around now for the summer and we’ve done a few things together. We like each other, but there’s definitely kind of a disconnect. We appreciate each other, just without feeling very connected.
Just as we started dating she was starting college, but it’s a junior college with very much a commuter student situation. So, no real socializing. She hasn’t really made any friends at college. During the school year over the past year, most of all of her social activity was either with her mother or with me.
My friends like her a lot, and she likes them too. I don’t know if they have the same feeling of “disconnect” that I feel with her friends, but they definitely like each other a lot. Also, my friends do always have cool things going on so she really has liked the opportunity to be exposed to cool events and such.
Interesting note about my friends:
When told I was dating an 18 year old . . .
ALL of the GUYS responded: “Well, if you have a good connection that’s what is important. If you take it slow and just see how it develops, the age difference won’t be important if you have a good foundation for a good relationship. Just take it slow.”
ALL of the WOMEN responded: “YES! SWEET! Oh, yeah! High five!”
I was really quite surprise at the reaction from the women among my group of friends.
Ha! If I wanted to post that Thread, I would have posted it a year ago.
I actually have been feeling reflective about the relationship as we’ve hit the one year mark. I figure being in a position of having to answer questions will help me understand my own feelings better.
Missed it by three months. Damn.