Do you support relationships with big age gaps?

I posted this on another forum that I frequent.

My mum’s sister’s ex-husband is 58, and he’s engaged to a 21-year-old woman. That’s a big difference - his fiancee is four years younger than his daughter, who got married herself last month. Plus he’s older than his fiancee’s mother and around the same age as her father.

I’m not a fan of the whole May-December thing. It kinda creeps me out.

Have any of you met any couples 18 or more years apart?

No one is looking to me for support. I don’t care. Different things work for different people. I’m 8 years older than my girlfriend but I don’t think that’s particularly big.

What’s the “May-December thing”?

As for the age thing, unless I know these people personally and there’s some kind of obvious fraud occurring, I don’t see how it’s any of my business what people do with their business, so to speak. Good for them.

Agree with Loach - different things work for different people. My husband is eight years older than I am.

Two consenting adults, so I don’t care.

Age gaps don’t bother me as much. It’s the “power” gaps that go along with them that I usually have a problem with.

I don’t care about gaps, but I am strongly against young people (let’s say, under 25 or so) getting into or being encouraged to get into serious exclusive relationships. Realistically, few of those relationships are heading towards marriage or any positive long term outcome, and I think they consume a lot of time and energy that would be better spent exploring yourself, your career, your romantic options, and your world.

Relationships hem in your options and even your outlook in a lot of ways. At some point, those trade offs become worth it as they become investments into a stable and family-filled future. But it’s not really worth it if you are building your life around some dude you are just going to have a messy break up with three years later. There is enough time to be tied down in life without spend our early twenties play-acting it. I’ve seen among my friends and myself that these early boyfriends have influenced a lot of decisions they really shouldn’t, For example, it’s often a major factor in where many young people go to college- which typically has a negative effect on overall achievement and graduation rates. And while I know that a loving relationship can provide valuable comfort and support, I think young people should be encouraged to first develop those things in themselves before they start relying on an SO to provide them.

To a large degree, we already acknowledge that young men should spend some time sowing their wild oats before rushing in to settle down. I’d like to see more young women encouraged to do the same. And I will look down on people who have had time to grow and mature and explore themselves, but do feel the need to afford their partner the same. If you fall in love with a young adult, I think it is much more respectful to keep any relationship casual and non-exclusive until they have had time to really know what they are choosing when they choose to be with you. If it’s the real thing, a few years here and there isn’t really going to make that much of a difference in the long run, but it will make a huge difference in your partner’s personal development.

My best girlfriend is dating a man 20 years older than her. One of her favorite things about him is that he doesn’t have a smartphone he’s constantly checking, and doesn’t have a computer. She feels like he pays more attention to her than the guys our age that she’s dated, in that he doesn’t text during dinner or look something up while watching a DVD together at home. She’s really happy with him- for other reasons, too.

My SO: “I can’t believe [Nothisrealname] at work is like 40 and dating a 24 year old. He says all they do is get drunk, have sex and play XBox together.”

Me: “You aren’t exactly making a convincing argument.”
Really IMHO anything after about 28 or so doesn’t matter. Younger than 25 or so, people tend to have an “unfinished” quality about them (as my friend put it).

I’m pro age gap, myself. I think society would do better if there were a minimum 10 year gap, male-female, in most marriages. Just an impression, though.

What a strange belief. Why do you have a problem with men dating older women but not vice-versa?

Can work fine- my uncle’s second wife was a few months younger than his oldest daughter. She’d also been married once, and he did have his oldest daughter at 19, so not quite as big a gap in age or life experience. They were together about 25 years, until he suddenly died last year- which does demonstrate one downside I suppose.

Incidently, she was the one that wore the trousers, so to speak.

It isn’t my business, as long as everyone is a consenting adult and so forth.

“May-December” is an expression describing a romantic relationship with a substantial age difference between the two participants, where one party is still in the “spring” of their lives, while the other is approaching or in their “winter”.

I was in such a relationship for about a year and a half – I started dating my first serious girlfriend when I was 18, and she was 32 (and twice-divorced). Though neither of us acknowledged it at the time, the differences in our life experiences (and, probably, just overall lack of maturity on my part) were just too great, and it wasn’t destined to last.

But, man, the sex was great while it lasted. :wink:

Is he 80? I’m 45 and I’m constantly on my iPhone. Constantly looking up something while watching TV too.

If the younger person is not under the age of 30 it can work fine as long as neither one has a hang up about things such as looking older than other people the partners age, issue of children (I have a friend who’s husband is alot older than her, as they both aged, it became more of an issue to her after their child was born, she felt badly that people were forever mistaking him as the grandfather and occasional teasing the kid got bc of it)

If the person is much under the age of thirty I think they are often times not mature enough and tend to have a rose colored view of the relationship

I don’t have a problem with anyone dating anyone. I was stating my opinion for the likeliest long-term success.

I married a much older woman. I never let her forget about that 3 month age difference.

Different strokes for different folks. My favorite cousin got married at 19. They will celebrate their 40th anniversary next month.

I agree that it’s an odd question because it’s not likely that they’re seeking my endorsement. In general, do I agree with them? It depends not on the ages as much as the two parties involved.