Ask the 50's Dad...

[Winston_Smith]

@mamboman

Dear 50’s Dad

My Uncle Gene says he’s heard that the Dodgers are going to leave Brooklyn for California. Is this a dirty Commie plot? or should I start rooting for a loyal New York team, like The Giants?

yours

Lil’ Buckie

Dear Buckie,
The Dodgers in California? Heh-heh. Well now, son, I wouldn’t get all hot under the collar about that. Why would they want to do that. Now, really. Settle down.

[Winston_Smith]

@Annie-Xmas

My son recently made a new friend named “Harry.” I’ve never met Harry, but from what I’ve put together from listening to my son on the phone, he’s also called “the big H” and has a horse and a monkey that likes to ride on his back. His favorite food seems to be cold turkey.

I thought “Harry” was a boy, but I just heard my son refer to him as a “heroine.” That explains the missing money from my purse–My son has his first girlfriend, and needs the money to impress her.

How do I let my son know that I’m aware of his girlfriend, and maybe he can invite Harry to dinner. I’ll even serve cold turkey.

Dear Unsigned,
When your boy is ready, he’ll bring his young lady home to meet you, I’m sure. Don’t you worry about that. In the mean-time, you should give the boy some leeway on curfew - a boy needs time if he’s going to court a lady. Good luck.

[Winston_Smith]

@marque elf

Dear 50’s Dad,

I’m worried about the fate of this great country. President Eisenhower never seems to be in Washington D.C. doing anything to protect us against Communism. Instead, he’s always out on a golf course somewhere. Who’s running the country while the President is playing golf? Isn’t it true that golf isn’t even a real American game? Wasn’t it invented by some foreigner, not like good old made-in-the USA baseball? And what kind of name is Eisenhower anyhow? It sure doesn’t sound American to me. Maybe the President is secretly a Communist.

Sign me,
Worried in Waukesha

Dear Worried,
My goodness, lad. You certainly have a lot on your mind, don’t you? Listen, son: there’s no reason to worry about President Eisenhower or golf (which is a fine game, I might add). Americans didn’t invent Pot Roast, either, but that doesn’t make it any less wholesome a meal now, does it? Take my word for it - you’d be better off practicing your curve-ball than worrying about President Eisenhower.

[Winston_Smith]

@csharpmajor

Dear 50s dad,

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Dear csharpmajor,
Well, son, that’s one of the great mysteries of life now, isn’t it? Now run along. I think I hear your mother calling you.

[Winston_Smith]

@TokyoPlayer

Dear 50’s Dad,

I found a stack of magazines in the one-car garage behind the pink plastic flamego (when are we going to put them up again?) and need to know. Will I really need uh, to start shaving my palms now?

Concerned Son

Dear Concerned Son,
Listen, boy: if you keep that up, you won’t be able to shave those palms of yours - you’ll go blind! Why don’t you go on down to the park, play some ball, and try to get your mind off of self-abuse and onto something productive, like practicing hitting? There, now. Atta boy. Go on.

[Winston_Smith]

@Loopydude

50’s Dad, I overheard Dr. Greenbaum down the street says that Roy Cohn and David Schine are panseys, and that Sen. McCarthy’s marriage is a sham! He says he read it in the Sun, but I think he’s just sore about those Jewish commies, the Rosenbergs.

If only we had more real Americans like J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson running the show and catching all the screwballs. Then patriots like you wouldn’t have such a tough job.

Dear **Loopy]/b],
Listen, son: I’d take anything Dr. Greenbaum says with a grain of salt. That said, remember he’s your elder, and you need to show him the proper respect. Now, let me tell you something that we’ll just keep between me and you, eh? You’re right about Hoover and Tolson. Makes me proud, son. Now why don’t you go get cleaned up. Your mother said dinners going to be ready in about ten minutes.

[Winston_Smith]

@Beware of Doug

Dear 50’s Dad,

Why are you looking at me like that, you big stuffed shirt? I’ve got a good mind to come down there and clean your clock.

Sincerely,

The Guy at the Other End of the Bar

Dear The Guy at the Other End of the Bar,
You’d better watch your mouth, son, before I clean it out with a bar of soap.

[Kent_Clark]

@Winston Smith

Dear The Guy at the Other End of the Bar,
You’d better watch your mouth, son, before I clean it out with a bar of soap.

50’s Dad

Please finish your drink and come home. Dinner’s almost ready and Tommy has baseball practice.

Love,
50’s Mom