Ask the Bartender!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
83

I have to tell you that I sat here and thought, “What the hell is he talking about? Coco Lopez? I’ve never seen a bottle of Coco Lopez!”

Duh. You’re talking about pure coconut, aren’t you. The stuff that comes in a can. (If you aren’t, this is the only Coco Lopez I’ve ever seen.:stuck_out_tongue: )

Honestly that sounds way too thick to put in a drink on the rocks; we use Coco Lopez with pineapple juice to make pina coladas, but it’s very thick and greasy by itself. I could try making a White Russian with it for you, but I wouldn’t promise you’d like it.

And that’s kind of my policy when people ask me to “customize” a drink for them; I’m not responsible if they don’t like it. And if I think it sounds like something that wouldn’t work, I do warn them that I’m going to have to charge them for it whether they like it or not.

Beyond that, you can customize all day; I don’t mind. Just as long as people realize this isn’t Baskin Robbins; you don’t get to sample everything for free before deciding what you want “for real.”

84

Ferret Herder, an Oatmeal cookie does indeed contain Goldschlager and butterscotch schnapps, along with Bailey’s. And it really does taste exactly like an Oatmeal Cookie; I highly recommend 'em!

CassieBeth, a “highball” is referring to a type of glassware. Anything you order that’s one liquor and one modifier, like a rum and Coke or gin and tonic, is served in a highball. I’m assuming that bar was offering well highball drinks for three bucks. Well gin, well vodka, well rum, etc. (“well” meaning the cheap stuff.)

Jpeg Jones, I’ve never heard of adding the juice the cocktail onion comes in, but it sounds like a variation on the classic Gibson. (Which is just a martini with onions.) Kind of like making a dirty martini…which is of course just the juice of the olives added.

85

I’m gonna be honest; I’ve never made a Bushwhacker. There used to be a bar down the street called Bushwhacker’s, but that’s about it. :stuck_out_tongue:

The most dangerous drink I ever made was probably one I called the Baltic Iced Tea. Formatted like a Long Island, but pure vodka. Good vodka. Stoli Strawberry, Absolut Mandrin, Finlandia Cran, and Absolut Citron. Tiny splash of sweet and sour, splash of sprite.

Tasted like Clearly Canadian. And kicked your ass. You could really only have two of 'em. (And that’s about all you could afford, too, with that much top-shelf vodka. :D)

Beyond that, I make a pretty hairy Hurricane; I also heard on the radio about a new drink that’s popular on the East Coast that mixes Bacardi O with Bacardi Silver. (The orange flavored rum mixed with their malt beverage.) One lady had four of 'em and had to have her stomach pumped.

I can proudly say I’ve never sent anyone to the hospital.

That I know of.

:smack:

86

I’m gonna be honest; I’ve never made a Bushwhacker. There used to be a bar down the street called Bushwhacker’s, but that’s about it. :stuck_out_tongue:

The most dangerous drink I ever made was probably one I called the Baltic Iced Tea. Formatted like a Long Island, but pure vodka. Good vodka. Stoli Strawberry, Absolut Mandrin, Finlandia Cran, and Absolut Citron. Tiny splash of sweet and sour, splash of sprite.

Tasted like Clearly Canadian. And kicked your ass. You could really only have two of 'em. (And that’s about all you could afford, too, with that much top-shelf vodka. :D)

Beyond that, I make a pretty hairy Hurricane; I also heard on the radio about a new drink that’s popular on the East Coast that mixes Bacardi O with Bacardi Silver. (The orange flavored rum mixed with their malt beverage.) One lady had four of 'em and had to have her stomach pumped.

I can proudly say I’ve never sent anyone to the hospital.

That I know of.

:smack:

87

:eek: Must… make… this… Do you remember the proportions of ingredients? :slight_smile:

I’ve been making a killer Long Island Iced Tea variant at home, Three Mile Island Iced Tea - vodka, gin, 151 rum (?), and Midori, served over ice with a splash of sweet and sour mix. It turns out obnoxiously bright green and kicks your ass pretty hard too, though you can taste the alcohol more than in your creation, I bet.

88

Guinness, I’ve never had any complaints about the way I pour Guinness. They’ve got a specialized tap now, that pours at about a third of the speed of a normal tap; as long as you tilt the pint, so the Guinness runs down the side, rather than letting it “splash” into the bottom of the pint, it comes out smooth and milky every time. Older taps do have to be babysat; you pour the Guinness halfway, let it settle, try again, etc., etc., but when we picked up Guinness draft six months ago, they had the groovy new “tiny tap” that won’t let it you pour it in a hurry.

Hope that answers your question.

Oh, and as for refills, CassieBeth, I only do automatic refills if you tell me you want automatic refills. Again, this falls under “alcohol promotion,” which basically means I’m required to ask you if you’d like another. I can’t just assume, because you might drink it anyway, and it might be more than you needed, and then I’m liable for your drunk ass. :wink:

I did have a bartender recently–she was bartender/owner–who kept bringing my friend and I “new shots” she wanted us to “try.” We didn’t ask for them, we didn’t order them, but since she brought them, we took her at her word that she was “experimenting” and we drank them.

And they were all on our tab! Every single one of these shots that were brought to us, already made, so we could “try” them!

Oooh, I was pissed.

And that is, by the way, illegal in the state of TX. If I wanted to be a bitch, I could have called TABC and explained the situation, and she would have gotten in a lot of trouble. Possibly lost her liquor license.

As it is, I just don’t go there anymore.

And I’ve gotta go to work now, speak of the devil, so if I missed any questions, let me know and I’ll answer 'em when I get back!

89

Hey, Audrey! Thanks for the response. But just to bug you…

I don’t really consider it an import if the original brewery is less than ten minutes from my house. :stuck_out_tongue:

90

JW Dundee Honey Brown is a thing of beauty.

Audrey, I’ve been looking for a couple of recipes - for a Long Island and a Rum Runner. Some Rum Runner recipes I’ve found don’t even have rum, and they just look bad.

Also, is the amount of alcohol that comes out of pour spouts standardized? The ones I bought don’t say anything.

91

Besides Harvey Wallbangers and straight, is there any other use for it?

Anectdote: At a bar I used to work at, a new bottle of Galliano had to be ordered as the old one had become the final resting place of a couple fruit flies. Just for kicks and giggles, the bar manager wrote the date it came in on the bottom of the bottle. I’m long gone, but that same bottle has been there almost 7 years.

These things are still around? The ones from the “TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFELY” that used to be readily availabe at flea markets? I haven’t seen one of those since… well, since that new bottle of Galliano came in.

Whenever someone says, “Surprise me!” to a buddy of mine, they get well scotch and Diet Coke.

I guess I’ll ask a question, too: What kind of beer do you use when making a Flaming Dr. Pepper?

92

Thank you for your answer to my question, but now that raises another question, to wit:

What would you use to make a White Russian with a coconutty taste?

Am I the only one to whom this sounds like a tasty, refreshing drink?

93

Thanks Audrey for your research on mint juleps - think I prefer the Bourbon/mintleaves version to the creme de menthe version (never did like CdeM, tastes like stomach medicine).

BTW I’m amazed at your patience and hard work in this thread - surely there’s a book in this somewhere? Or your own TV slot?

94

Bushwhacker:

1/2 vodka
1/2 light rum
1/2 kahlua
1/2 Amaretto
1/2 bailey’s
1/2 frangelico
1oz coconut syrup

Blend with ice. It’s kinda like a light chocolate milk. Zero liquor taste.

We discovered it in St. Thomas. The Watertaxi driver said to get it from any of the local bars. If we liked it order the second one to-go or we’d miss our boat!

95

Must be some drink to come with 6 halves!

96

Audrey, congratulations on a highly (keyword) informative thread.

I’m curious about vodkas in general. I’ve recently had some quintuple and, even, sextuple distilled vodkas that were really silky. Almost like water. I’m more concerned about the medium range vodkas. In the continuous column distillation process used to extract spirits, you still end up with almost pure vodka. What is it that they add back into the vodka to make it cheaper? They can’t add lots of water or it or it would reduce the proof. What sort of sludge do they readmit into store brand vodkas to lower the cost and give it such fabulous headache-juice properties?

I’m interested to hear your own recipe for a “smokey Martini.” Here’s mine:[ul]Make a Martini that is so dry you will fart dust.

Rinse out a chilled glass with one thimbleful of good Whisky.

Pour the Martini into the Whisky rinsed glass.

Serve with Queen olive or lemon twist.[/ul]

If you must add vermouth to a Martini, I find that rinsing a shot of it over the rocks and then discarding it prior to mixing the drink is the ideal method. What is yours? I have also found that for the best Martinis, it is better to rinse the brine off of the olive before introducing it into the drink. Have you tried the Canadian 5X distilled “Pearl” brand short grain vodka? Pretty tasty (er … tasteless) stuff.

97

Ferret Herder, the recipe for my Baltic Iced Tea is part of the reason why it’s so lethal. :smiley:

3/4 oz Absolut Mandrin
3/4 oz Finlandia Cranberry
3/4 oz Absolut Citron
3/4 oz Stoli Strawberry

Pour into ice-filled 10 oz glass; fill with sweet and sour, shake, and then top with splash of Sprite.

You don’t have to use these particular vodkas, btw; any fruit-flavored vodkas will work. These are just the ones I liked. (Stoli makes a whole lot of incredibly smooth flavored vodkas, and we carried them all, so I was always experimenting. Their coffee flavored one is REALLY tasty, too.)

And your Three Mile Island Iced Tea sounds quite tasty, too. I’ll try to make it famous. :wink:

Treviathan, where do you live? I always assumed Honey Brown was an import, b/c of the price, but honestly I don’t know where it’s made. My bad. :smiley:

Mithril, a Long Island recipe varies greatly; originally, a Long Island was all the clear liquors in the well. Rum, vodka, gin, tequila, and triple sec. Kind of a “grab bag” of everything.

These days, a “real” Long Island isn’t actually legal, b/c of the amount of alcohol, but at work I make:

3/4 oz gin
3/4 oz rum
3/4 oz vodka
3/4 oz triple sec

Fill with sweet and sour in a 10/12 oz glass, shake, and top with splash of Coke and a lemon squeeze.

A “Texas Tea” is the same thing, only you replace the gin with tequila. Either one is pretty tasty; the trick is to back off on the sweet and sour, even if it means using a smaller glass. Most bartenders are really spare with the liquor, and really generous with the sweet and sour…which results in no buzz and heartburn. Ugh.

I’ve only ever served rum runners at Friday’s, where they’re frozen; it was blackberry brandy, light rum, and if I recall correctly, a splash of grenadine, blended with ice til frozen. But I don’t remember the proportions. I’m sorry!

CreaseMunky, I have never worked at a bar that would allow us to serve flaming drinks, including a Flaming Dr. Pepper. (Although I did give some obnoxious “IT’S MY 21st BIRTHDAY GIMME A FREE SHOT!” guy a 2 oz shot of warm straight 151. With the caveat that he drink it all at once, no back. He didn’t see what I poured him, and he nearly threw up, which was my plan. You should’ve seen his face when I lit his empty shot glass on fire, just to really freak him out. Ahhh, kids. :D)

DaveWoo71, your best bet on that coconutty White Russian is to replace the vodka, or augment it, with Malibu. Which is coconut-flavored rum. Malibu has a really low proof, though, so if you still want some kick, I’d keep some of the vodka and just spike it with Malibu.

Mrsface, thanks for the kudos. Actually, I am writing a novel about a bartender in New Orleans; I gotta do something with all this stuff. :smiley:

98

Mithril, I forgot your last question: Yes, professional pour spouts are standardized. The best ones are the stainless steel kind with rubber bottoms; they don’t warp or crack like plastic pour spouts, and they look a lot nicer and last longer. They’re also a lot more accurate. You can get them at restaurant supply stores, most of which are open to the public.

“Counting” with a pour spout is a varied science; a lot of bartenders have different methods. I do a four-count pour for a single ounce of liquor. So for the average drink, I do a six-count. Which equals an ounce and a half. (After awhile you do it mainly by instinct and feel; I don’t consciously “count” anymore unless I’m making several shots at once.)

A four-count per ounce isn’t four seconds; the only way to really get a grip on it is to fill an empty liquor bottle with water, put your pour spout on it, and then pour the water into a measuring cup until your four-count equals an ounce exactly. It’s mainly a feel/practice thing…and then from there you can divide it so that each count equals 1/4 oz, so that a 5 count equals 1 1/4 oz, etc., etc…

It takes practice, but it’s a lot quicker than jiggers once you get a grip on it.

Unintentionally Blank, thank you for your Bushwhacker recipe. I will try it out at work, although I think it’s a bit too sweet for me. (And that’s an awful lot of liquor without much alcohol in it, except for the vodka and rum. I prefer that my drinks get the job done with less distractions. ;))

Zenster, I’ve never heard of a smoky martini, so thanks for the heads up. And as far as martinis go…the meaning of “dry” and “extra dry” has evolved to the point that everybody assumes something different.

Originally, ordering an “extra dry martini” meant you wanted extra-dry vermouth in it. (No one believes me until I show them the famous Martini and Rossi vermouth bottle that says “extra-dry vermouth” on it, which is where it all came from.)

These days an “extra dry martini” is just as likely to mean no vermouth at all. And “slightly dry” means just a splash of vermouth, rinsed in the glass or over the ice and then dumped.

So I usually just put 1/2 oz of vermouth in a martini, unless otherwise specified by the customer, and I’ve been told I make fabulous martinis, so…shrug God only knows! :smiley:

As far as why low-grade vodka leads to such ugly hangovers…it’s all to do with the amount of distillation. All vodka is “pure vodka,” so the difference is in the number and type of distillation it goes through. The more highly it is refined, the smoother the ultimate result is. They don’t add anything to cheap vodka; they actually “leave it all in,” in a way, by not filtering it as many times.

Same thing with any liquor; of course, you also get into single-barrel and single-malt vs. blends, and the type of casks that are used, etc., etc., but overall the more any alcohol is filtered/distilled, the smoother it will taste.

And of course that’s not the whole story, but that’s the 30 second version.

And no, I have unfortunately not tried Pearl vodka. (Or even seen it, actually.)

99

Never say never. :smiley:

I had a male customer tonight, early fifties, who looked sober and harmless when he came in around seven thirty; he ordered about six rum and Cokes over a four hour period, and bought several drinks for other people as well.

Six rum and Cokes, even the way I pour 'em, shouldn’t be enough to bring a grown man to his knees when they are consumed over a four-hour period…but when I gave him his credit card receipt for his tab, he spent about sixty seconds trying to sign it, and eventually handed it back to me.

Blank.

I looked at him, and at the pen I’d given him, and realized that he’d been trying to sign it with a retractable pen. Retracted.

There were all these little indentions where this fool had run the pen over it, baffled as to why no ink was emerging.

I clicked out the tip of the pen for him and handed it back; he proceeded to sign it, giving me a 10% tip. (Which wasn’t cool, particularly since he’d told me earlier that “on a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine-point-two.” Whatever the hell that means.)

At that point I was distracted by other customers; I didn’t realize he’d wandered out of the bar, b/c he’d just ordered a glass of water, until a policeman dragged him back inside and informed me that he had mowed down an orange barrel and a ring of yellow “DO NOT ENTER” tape outside our door. (Construction on our sign.) He had walked right into it and collapsed with it, but appeared to be doing just fine.

I called him a cab, and while he had trouble finding the open door of the cab, he did eventually collapse onto the backseat, and was driven away to his hotel down the street.

I can safely say this is one of the most intoxicated customers I have ever seen; the man couldn’t even figure out a retractable pen. On six drinks? Over four hours, that’s only 1 1/2 drinks per HOUR! God, I do that on a slow night! According to the policeman, if he hadn’t stopped the guy, he’d have stumbled onto the four lane road!

Geez. Can you say “cheap date?”

:wally

100

Then double it. :slight_smile: We actually don’t make 'em a whole lot as they work out to about a $7 drink at home.

{swerve}Now, about those hangovers. How many have you had career wise? Too much to count? None anymore based on experience?

We used to make homebrew in college (shudder) and just out of college when I made enough money to put good ingredients in the wort. I found that I could not get hungover driking homebrew beer, even the stuff that was intentionally made to have a high alcohol content. I’d heard that since the beer wasn’t filtered or pasteurized that it didn’t leach out the vitamin B12 in your system that was ultimately the cause of a hangover.

But what do college students know?

Any further research on the causes and cures of hangovers?
{/swerve}

101

Thanks for the recipe, Audrey! I’ll have to confirm if my Iced Tea variant has tequila in it or not, I forget offhand but something tells me it does.

102

Zyada, to answer your inquiry about a good moderately priced port (if it hasn’t been answered, I haven’t read the last page) my brother-in-law drinks Clocktower usually and loves port. Just wanted to pass on that tidbit.