The only celebrity to ever ask me my name while I was tending bar was Steven Bauer (“Scarface,” “Traffic”). The freakish thing: he’s the only major successful actor I know who has the same last name as me. (There is also an actress named Belinda Bauer, who appeared in “Robocop 2,” and had limited success as a screen actor. We’ve also met, but that’s a post for another time as it was one of the most regretful moments of my life and deserves more detailed mention.)
Bauer (Steven, not me) had just done “Traffic” and was pleasant, maybe a little full of himself, but given the surroundings – pre-Oscar party and all that – and his recent success, very much warranted. He was cool, I was sort of a nerd. I started chumming up to him in the short interaction little, said what an asshole he was in “Traffic,” which was of course a compliment, but it wasn’t even accurate (Dennis Quaid was an asshole, Bauer’s character was merely a cocaine dealer disguised as a businessman), just something for a phony bartender to say to a celebrity. I do beat myself up after behaving like a fake, but it happens. But the party was off-the-charts nuts. The place was overcrowded, the fire marshalls came in and closed down the main bars, but were unaware I was operating the martini bar in the back so they left me open. So, everyone went to me for drink. The party had maybe 1000 patrons, so I had upwards of 100 people simultaneiously clamoring at me for drinks. I’m a good bartender, not a great one, and I do get flighty easily. I kept it pretty much together (the inane comments to Bauer notwithstanding), just starting lining up long strings of empty glasses and poured 6, 7, 8 martinis at a time. IIRC, that was the second-best tipping night of my life.
Having written the above about Steven Bauer (and earlier, about having made a tasteless reference to Dennis Quaid about Monica Lewinsky), I’m not always a complete idiot during celebrity interactions. While working security at Warner Brothers Studios (about 10 years ago), I stood by while Lara Flynn Boyle was rebuffed by a crotchety security guard as she drove up to a lot entrance in order to attend an audition. We were manning the booth together and he was the type that kind of got a rise by telling off drivers and was typically rude to Boyle, who was accompanied by her mom in the car and appeared more to be in search of information as to where to park than trying to weasel her way onto the lot. (The guard was the type that wouldn’t recognize Clint Eastwood if he drove on, so Boyle had no chance).
Despite recent stories regarding Boyle’s behavior, Boyle was mellow about it, didn’t say a whole lot and made the U-turn as instructed to exit the lot. Nevertheless, I felt bad for her being treated rudely in front of her Mom. On her way back out, I brightened Boyle up by saying:
“You knowww, I’m still waiting for my gun rack.”
She laughed, appreciated my stab at humor. (For those who don’t recall or are unaware, she played a small part as Wayne’s psycho ex-girlfriend in “Wayne’s World,” kept making him gun racks.)
Dean Cain. We both worked out at the gym on the Warner Brothers lot. Once, we had lockers next to each other and were headed for the shower at the same time.
I couldn’t help but think, How can I pass up the chance to see the size of Superman’s dick? So I peeked.
But I won’t say.
Cain is a very positive guy, an All-American type (had a brief stint in the NFL after playing college ball at Dartmouth, IIRC). Maybe even a little too positive, like it’s maybe just a tiny bit of an act.
We should all have such foibles.