Slightly off-topic, but this reminded me: I ran into an old g/f at college. She was working at the L.A. County Coroner’s office, apparently working with bodies. I had a motorcycle (still have it, taking it to the shop in a few weeks) and she wanted a ride. I only had one helmet, so I offered it to her. She declined. I said, ‘What if we crash and your head gets bashed in and you die?’ She answered, ‘Well, then I get to work early.’ 
Athena, I was adding to my previous posted response, and the system would not allow me to post it because I got sidetracked and too much time elapsed so I am adding my thoughts here:
One thing that many people find interesting about cremation: witness cremations - that is, being present at the crematory when your loved one is placed into the unit - is an option that many families choose. The family gathers at the crematory in front of the burner and they have an opportunity to view their loved one before the casket is sealed. A minister is often present to lead everyone in a short prayer, or in the case of Buddhists give sutra chanting. The family is also offered the honor of pushing the casket into the burner and activating the machinery and find it to be comforting to participate in this process. Needless to say, many other families find this concept to be upsetting.
Pacemakers, by the way, explode when cremated and therefore must be removed prior to cremation. As a funeral director I have to certify that the pacemaker has been removed before the crematory will proceed, and from a legal standpoint I assume all liability fior injuries and damages if a pacemaker is left in the remains and explodes in the retort.
I don’t know if you folks find any of this interesting, come to think of it, in looking it over I don’t know if I find this interesting either!
I have heard of Mitford’s book and confess I have not yet read this, though it sounds interesting and I would like to check this out. Admittedly, there is always something that I can learn about this industry, and accept that the industry should be called to account for things that need to changed or done differently so I welcome any criticism that anyone might have.
I did read “STIFF” by Mary Roach and found that book to be quite informative. You might enjoy that book so check it out if you get a chance.
Not at all. In fact, one of the things I tell all of my families is that they are not required to purchase merchandise from my mortuary and are welcome to purchase these items elsewhere if they choose - we also offer to match competitors prices if they are lower, though that always sounds like a used car pitch. I also like to point out to my families that I do not get any commission or rewards out of selling merchandise, so they need not feel that I am pushing them towards more expensive merchandise.
The one thing, however, that I routinely tell my families is that wherever they choose to purchase their caskets that they should make sure that the caskets are well built, as some of the caskets that are built in overseas have been known to have problems - like the siderails falling off, or the bottom of the casket becoming detached - and if at all possible they should do some research on the quality of the casket they are purchasing. Price is not an automatic indicator of quality, but often times the adage “you get what you pay for” rings true. If I am not mistaken, I believe that Costco only offers a small variety of caskets - and all of them are metal - and I believe they are all made in China.
Please do. It is a somewhat scathing indictment of the funeral industry. But it was written in the 1960s, and things may have changed. I’d appreciate your views on it, when you read it. Perhaps you can help with a few questions that come to my mind, as I recall it:
– Is there still a funeral trade publication called “The Casket and Sunnyside”?
– Are there really “special” clothes for the deceased, if the family wishes? Shirts that are open in the back but with fake buttons in front? “Ko-Zee” shoes (I think they were mentioned in the book) that can just be dropped on the deceased’s foot when he/she is lying down? And so on.
– Does any funeral director discourage donations to a charity in the name of the deceased, and instead recommend flowers? (As I recall, Mitford alluded to the practice of florists kicking back payments to funeral homes for flowers provided.)
In the interests of full disclosure, I’ll admit that I’ve arranged two funerals. One was a very pleasant experience (well, as pleasant as could be, under the circumstances), where my family and I made decisions on our own, with the director in another room but available for questions; and the other was the hard-sell, “used car salesman” type, guiding us around the casket showroom and always steering us away from the lower-priced merchandise while pointing out the “benefits” of the higher-priced stuff. Both occurred after I had read Mitford’s book. Needless to say, I preferred the former approach, but I was tempted to tell the director of the latter that he was taking a textbook (literally!) approach to the provision of funeral services.
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And a few other questions, not really related to Mitford’s book:
– What is the legal and regulatory environment in which you operate? For example, in my jurisdiction, a funeral home cannot turn away business just because a family is of limited means. That is, there can be no “Cadillac” home that only caters to the well-to-do–homes here must take all comers, as it were, and provide them with something suitable, decent, and respectable in their affordability range–that may end up being the cloth-covered particleboard casket and the “clergyman-of-the-day,” but if that’s all the family can afford, the funeral home is legally (and, I would hope, ethically) bound to provide it. Is it the same in your jurisdiction?
– Is a funeral director required to study certain “med school” courses? For example, anatomy and physiology, pathology, and so on? Of course, I wouldn’t expect funeral directors to study such subjects to the extent that a physician does, but I would hope that embalming, for example, would be done by somebody who knows basic anatomy.
– How do you deal with clients who have had autopsies? I am sure that the pathologist leaves the cadaver in a good enough shape that it can be dressed and prepared for viewing, but is there any special procedure that you have to follow in such cases?
Oh, another question:
– How do you deal with situations where you receive the deceased, but their wish and their family’s wish, is to be interred somewhere else? For example, you mentioned you are in California–what would happen if you received the deceased, who lived in California; but he or she was originally from New Jersey, and wanted to be buried back there?
And related: what if they wanted to be buried in Toronto, Canada? London, England? Sydney, Australia? Hong Kong? Is it difficult to ship a body internationally for interment?
“wanna ride?”
You ship them. I don’t know about CoffinMan’s business, but one of my jobs when I worked at a funeral home in Oakland was to drive the bodies to the airport for transport in just this kind of situation.
CoffinMan, ever heard of the Cox family in the East Bay?
Well, yes, obviously. But what arrangements have to be made at the other end? Is there a designated home at the other end? Do they make the local arrangements?
(bolding mine)
:eek: Now I’m picturing a body falling out of a casket while the pallbearers are trying to move it. Is that what you were implying? Have you ever had any diasters like that happen during a service? When a body is in too bad a shape for an open casket (ie left rotting in a hot apartment for days, burned or mutilated beyond recognition, bones found in the woods, etc) is it still dressed before burial (if so are hair & makeup still done)? Have you ever had a client (ie the live person arranging the funeral) insist on an open casket when the body simply cannot be restored? What about exhumation; have you ever been present at one? Is it true that the casket must be opened even if it’s just being moved to another plot? What “precautions” must the workers take before opening a sealed casket that’s had a body in it decomposing for several years?
As far as my profession giving me a special insight into death or life, I wish I could say that it has though I don’t really think I have learned anything special or unique. For me - and it’s not earth shattering - I have learned that life is way too short and we will all pass away someday, so it is important to me to keep this in mind since it is easy to lose this sight of this when we are dealing with the minutae of life.
Doubtless, you eventually anesthesize to some degree, but speaking for myself it is not unusual to feel sad at funerals. I have to hold my emotions in check as a funeral director, but admittedly find it hard sometimes.
To this day, I cannot help but feel heartbroken from time to time though I make every attempt to remain professional at all times. Admittedly some cases are more difficult than others.
It is not an unfair question but it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to judge the behavior of folks when they are grief-stricken. Grief can cause people to react in ways the would not normally react, so I try not to judge folks who come to me in this state of mind. To share a story of a particularly difficult case would be a breach of confidentiality, and to make a judgment of a person based on their behavior on what is likely the most horrible day in their life would be unfair.
But I can say that I have seen a lot of people attending funerals who have no control over their children and allow their kids to run wild and screaming at a funeral service, and make no attempt to stop their children’s bad behavior. While it might not be the best example of the worst in human behavior, I find their unwillingness to take responsibility for the actions of their unruly children particularly annoying and disrespectful.
– Is there still a funeral trade publication called “The Casket and Sunnyside”?
Sorry, but I have never heard of this publication.
– Are there really “special” clothes for the deceased, if the family wishes?
We encourage families to bring outfits to us for their loved ones. Alternatively, we can purchase clothing for them if they so desire. Typically we do not utilize shoes, but we ask for a full set of clothing, including undergarments. We can, however make exceptions in those cases where the family will be comforted by the knowledge that their loved one is wearing a pair of shoes.
– Does any funeral director discourage donations to a charity in the name of the deceased, and instead recommend flowers?
It is against regulations to accept kick backs in any form, and it would be an ethical violation if I were to dissuade a family from choosing to request donations in lieu of flowers.
– What is the legal and regulatory environment in which you operate?
I am not sure if there is a law in this regard, but we would, as a matter of ethical responsibilty, never turn any family away from our mortuary. There are of course mortuaries that require a deposit up front and the balance payable on the day of the service and I believe that the law allows this practice, but we do our best to be as flexible as we can for the families that come to us.
– Is a funeral director required to study certain “med school” courses? For example, anatomy and physiology, pathology, and so on? Of course, I wouldn’t expect funeral directors to study such subjects to the extent that a physician does, but I would hope that embalming, for example, would be done by somebody who knows basic anatomy.
While there are specific requirements for embalmers and cosmetologists, there are no such requirements for funeral directors. However, it is always helpful for a funeral director to have some knowledge of medical and legal terminology, though we are not allowed to dispense any medical or legal advice in the course of our duties. You are absolutely correct that embalmers must have medical knowledge.
– How do you deal with clients who have had autopsies? I am sure that the pathologist leaves the cadaver in a good enough shape that it can be dressed and prepared for viewing, but is there any special procedure that you have to follow in such cases?
Autopsies can result in some amount of challenge and difficulties depending on the extent of the reconstructive work needed and the general physical state of the remains, The embalmers and reconstructive artists we work with are geniuses in their own right, but even their talents have a limit. Nevertheless, we can usually accommodate a viewing except in the most extreme of circumstances.
(sorry, duplicate post!)
The industry has certainly been affected by the economic downturn - no business is totally recession proof, but there will always be a need for the tasks we provide a family, and in this sense I too have heard that there are investors that are eyeing the industry as a stable source of money. If big money is being made, though, it is certainly not by me and my fellow directors - but I would guess that is the case not only in the funeral industry but someting we have in common with all other workers in nearly any field of industry.
We work with the Los Angeles County Coroner’s office regularly, so I may have worked with her at one time or another. Yeah, the folks at the Coroner’s office are good people and most of them have a great sense of humor.
Do you like Monty Python’s Undertaker’s Sketch?
Hilarious - good bit!
Nothing to the scale of Six Feet Under - but even the simplest arrangement can have major challenges so I consider myself lucky in some way that I haven’t had to do the logistical planning for something that big.
If a family requested that I this be done at their loved one’s service I would be duty bound to find a way to work it out with those who might take exception to this not unreasonable request. I have worked with LGBT families in the past and I have never experienced any problems related to that whatsoever.
I get that there are some ministers or churches that might have an issue with a casket draped in a pride flag, but then again I don’t think an LGBT family would care to have their loved-one’s service at a church so inclined anyway.