And those are precisely reasons why you should have sex before getting married. You wouldn’t buy a car without kicking the tires, would you? Why wouldn’t you see if you’re sexually compatible before you tie the knot? Why can’t I stop asking questions?
We already knew we were sexually compatible. It’s not like we lived like monks.
We chose not to have intercourse before marriage for a number of complicated and personal reasons, but rest assured they were very good ones. We were both under way too much stress to add the potential for pregnancy and/or making my already rampant intimacy issues even worse.
I appreciate what you’re trying to say here, but it really was the best decision we ever made to wait. I don’t regret it for a second.
:smack: dammit. He lied to me!
She did. Sometime before we slept together we were making out and I was quite obviously bad at it. She kept pulling back, giving me funny looks, and laughing. So I pretty much had to let the cat out of the bag. I’d rather it be known that I’m inexperienced than for it to be assumed that I just haven’t learned anything from the past.
She was pretty shocked and couldn’t tell if I was being serious. When I told her I was, she walked around a bit, came back, and told me that it was brave of me to tell her. Then we talked for a bit and went back to kissing. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, so it didn’t really cause any problems…plus we had a real attraction for each other, so that helped.
Then I made a post on the SDMB asking for everything everyone knows about kissing.
Not to be gauche, but after the first one, it’s incredibly easy for me have several more. Pretty quickly. I would like to be able to take advantage of this, not be limited to “hup, you’re done, okit’smyturn. The End.” Which is how it seems to be.
I’m not saying every single time has to be some marathon, but it seems that sex went from being an anticipatory pleasure to something not worth trying at anymore.
Is that still greedy to you? If I were in his place, I would probably make it a contest to see how far I could push it!
Lionne, I don’t necessarily consider it greedy, but…dang. Do you know how many women would die to be that orgasmic? I’ve come from penetration alone exactly three times in my life. Three times. I don’t know how often you’ve wanted to have 3 or 4 to his one, or whatever, but that would seem sort of inequitable to me after awhile if a guy always insisted he have 3 or 4 to my one. Maybe it’s different since you say you can finish so easily…as in, it’s not very much more work for him…but I would consider myself quite fortunate, were I you. I also am just jealous, because now I take an antidepressant that makes it harder for me to come at all. I still do and can, but it’s a lot more work. It’s not worth it to be off the antidepressant (trust me, I’ve tried others, and they don’t work), so I just deal with it, but I’d love to have your abilities.
interesting to note that you didn’t finish. My first time, I lasted for a good long time, probably because as you noted my mind was sort of in a “WTF!” mode (although for different reasons in my case, but whatever), the second time though…didn’t last as long (though it didn’t end THAT early). And of course, “everybody knows” that “nobody” lasts long at all their first time. I see that that bit of conventional wisdom doesn’t necessarily seem to hold true.
since everybody is asking intrusive questions anyways, and you posted it as a topic of discussion: did you change positions at all?
The “She finished, I didn’t” part is probably more positive than negative. I assume you’re just used to your hand. Maybe a lot. Lay off on that or concentrate on orgasming with less “hand” time and you should find the vagina does a great job.
And you’re lucky that she came, a sizeable percentage of women do not orgasm from intercourse.
Awkward, pretty much always is the first time.
Congrats!
tesseract, thanks for giving me your outlook. It must be frustrating to hear people complain about things that you would love to deal with.
Congrats, OP–you sound like a nice guy who’s found a great girl.
I dated a 24 year old virgin in college (he was in grad school). I think most women are fine with it. This was waaaay back in pre-AIDS days, and I used my diaphragm. He did fine, except that he ruptured his foreskin and we ended up in the ER at 0200 (the ER where I did my student nurse clinicals–oh, happy times). He ended up having to have a circumcision under spinal to which he had a reaction. He was in the hospital for 2 days. Believe it or not, we did have sex again…
I’d say “not finishing” beats that–you’re doing well.
Congrats, Joe! Any more details you can share about that first time, and in particular the aftermath, would be very interesting to many of us, I’d wager. Hope all’s well with you both.
And just remember Steve Martin’s advice: “I think you should really get to know someone, and maybe even fall in love with them, before you use and degrade them.”
So, no pics? I suppose asking for a video link would be too much then…
You’ll know you’re really comfortable when the sex ends with something funny happening (like the cat sticking her nose up your butt)… and although the fun is over, you can both share a good belly laugh for like a half hour.
elanorigby, holy shit. You literally made him into less of a man. And on his first time, too. Did you make him cut off one of his balls the second time around?
On an unseasonably warm December afternoon, the sun shining brightly, two men sit in on the patio watching elanorigby walk by, looking stunning.
Guy 1: I’d give my left nut to have sex with her…
Guy 2 (elanor’s ex): I did. And my turtleneck sweater.
See, I guess the difference is in the “insisting”. My guy consistantly has 3-4 to my one. They’re not multiples, we’re just early enough in the relationship that we’re still marathoning it, but I’ve been this way with partners in the past, too, where their total per session orgasms outnumber mine, and I don’t consider it at all inequitable. We’re both reaching maximum orgasm potential, and that’s always a very good thing.
Yes, yes. This was 20 years ago–I’ve heard all the jokes possible.
He must not have minded being um, “sculpted” since he went on to break up with me unceremoniously two months later, and date and marry someone more “Cuban” (that would be the OTHER blonde, blue eyed, American who didn’t speak a word of Spanish, but she was Catholic. I have often wondered if he shared this story with her, ever. We send Christmas cards back and forth).
But at least in your scenario I look “stunning” and that’s the important thing…
Actually, that was Guy 2 compensating for his lack of ah-hem by dangling prepositions instead. It’s actually Guy 2 who is stunning, you just look somewhat lost. I’ll talk to the cinematographer and the CG guys and see if we can maybe do something about that in post.
What was your biggest surprise about the whole act?
Am I the only one who is unable to resist mentally inserting “, Mrs. Lincoln?” at the end of this?
Yeah, that’s the ladies’ job. Seriously, sometimes even I’m a little amazed at what I don’t hesitate to tell my friends in unfliching details about the guys I’ve been with. (Hey, in my defense, it’s not over cutesy Cosmopolitans.)
Funny guy. You should be on the stage.
I laughed at your Mrs Lincoln joke, though.