I don’t mean to be intentionally vague, but I really can’t offer specifics, because the reaction would be situational, geared toward the reason they strayed, and how their personalities would best respond. I’m sure we’d be in contact with outreach professionals and support groups for people who’ve had similar problems. The important point is that even if we would be acting completely nice, we would be doing so because we feel that that would be the best way to draw them back into the fold, and not because we will have “come to terms” with their adverse behavior. And we would assure them that they always have a place with us.
There was only one that I so described. And hopefully this aspect of his personality can be channelled in a manner that is religiously acceptable. There is a statement in the Talmud that someone whose personality shows a lust for blood could become a Mohel (ritual circumciser), or a slaughterer of animals, or a murderer. No aspect of human nature is inherently irredeemable.
I’m using money that has been made available to me as loans to afford what I feel my family needs now. We have every intention of adhering to the stated terms of repayment, and will take necessary measures - whether expense-cutting or income-growing, though naturally we prefer the latter if we can - to do so.
Money that was freely offered, under clearly documented terms, to be used for whatever purpose the borrower choose. Borrowing for both long term and everyday expenses is the norm in the US at this point in time. It’s considered good for the economy to have people making payments on debt because those debts are considered assets on bank balance sheets and the total number of dollars in the economy will grow as the interest is added to the principal as it is repaid.
As a matter of personal finance is concerned, debt is generally something to be avoided, but there are families all over the US, including those with few or no children, who accumulate debt from everyday expenses. Providing for a family doesn’t mean you grow your own crops, raise your own livestock, tan your own leather, manufacture your own electronics, and film your own movies. Using the features of a modern society, including borrowing and debt servicing, to provide food and shelter for your family is still providing in the same way that buying electronics someone else manufactured is providing for your family.
Do you see a maximum amount of kids that you and Mrs. Keller would like to stop at?
Would 10 kids be significantly harder to handle?
How about 12 or 14?
I’m just curious, because I’ve got 4 myself, and I’m quite certain that 4 is PLENTY for us, and we’ve got no desire to continue expanding the family. I’m just wondering where the mindset comes from to “just keep going”… lol
Also, can we be nosy and ask how old you and Mrs. Keller are? Do you see an ideal age for yourself at which point you’d probably quit wanting more kids?
We obviously have different ideas of the word “attack.” The conscious decision to sire as large a brood as possible when one is admittedly already having problems providing for one’s existing dependents is an unconventional choice, to put it charitably. I’m glad to see some direct questions included among the softballs (and aren’t those answers really more interesting than, say, learning what board games they play or what their favorite colors are?)
Don’t really have an idea of how much is too much. We pretty much take it one step at a time. For now, our hands are extremely full with the 8.
Well, the mindset comes from feeling that we have a handle on things, and enjoying children so much. Since you have a bunch, surely you’re familiar with the rewarding feelings in parenthood. Sure, there are also moments in between where the work is hard, where they can be a struggle to deal with, but overall, we find kids to bring many more smiles than scowls. That makes us want more, once we feel we have a handle on managing the ones we have.
By all means, I’d been expecting that. I’m 40, she’s 35. And that age could be out there somewhere, but I don’t really think about that too much.
Perhaps your wife genuinely is blessed with a small appetite, or it’s a situation that plagues the Orthodox community: NYTimes article on rampant anorexia.
My question is what do you do for a living - you mentioned what your wife does but what do you do? Are you on any government-sponsored assistance programs (welfare, food stamps, etc)? Where do you come up with the money for food, or is your only assistance through the school tuition?
Have you sought help for your #4 child, the one who has problems with clothing labels? It could be a mild sensory disorder. It might be worth talking to your doctor about, just so you’re aware of what it is. My younger brother experienced the same sort of thing but grew out of it in high school.
I can guarantee you, my wife is not anorexic. She is, thank G-d, perfectly healthy and the correct weight for a female of her age (35) and height (4’ 11") and slight build.
I’m a computer programmer, I work full-time for an employer and am allowed to work from home. I receive no government assistance. The only assistance I get is a break on the school tuition.
Yes, we’ve sought help for him. The problem is that he has always been extremely (stubbornly) uncooperative with therapists and psychologists. He’d sit there silently, because he doesn’t want to be there, and they throw up their hands and say that they can’t do anything to make him talk or play with them. Fortunately, he is maturing out of his stubbornness on his own a bit. There’s visible progress and we’re doing our best to encourage it without pushing too hard and engaging his defenses.
About anorexia: Just threw it out there It’s a big problem in the Orthodox community, hence bringing it up. It’s pretty rare to see someone stay in their same clothes post multiple children like that.
I was curious about the assistance because it’s a hot-button issue, both in the US and Israel, with many Orthodox and Ultra-Orthodox families relying on state welfare to produce large numbers of children (here is one NYtimes piece, I can’t find the US one I was looking for). Currently half of all entering 1st graders in Israel are Orthodox or Ultra-Orthodox and that creates problems for the reform Jews who are paying taxes and supporting their lifestyles. Apparently Reform women are especially incensed because Orthodox women are not required to serve in the military ((As background, I’m loosely Reform and was exploring my options to go on Birthright next summer. This was a topic that came up with some Chabad people)).
Glad your son is growing out of it, although I’m sorry at the trouble he’s had. It can be tough, that’s for sure - when my brother grew out of it it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Yes, it’s become a big source of conflict between the secular and Haredi Israelis. Quite frankly, when the secular Zionist establishment made certain compromises with the religious leadership at the outset of the State, they didn’t anticipate that the religious sector would grow as it did. They thought they were humoring a few oddballs for a few years by allowing them to think that Torah is an important part of the State’s existence. Now they’ve grown like crazy and DO think they’re importantly contributing to the spiritual state of the State, and the seculars just don’t see it that way.
Yeah, something like that. Just a hypothetical. I realize its kind of messed up, but I’m curious about things like these. Maybe someone would say the oldest, because he’s lived the longest already, or the youngest, because he’d have the least to lose. Or the bad one, if you have a bad kid. I dunno, just wondering
It’s a big problem in the Orthodox community, hence bringing it up. It’s pretty rare to see someone stay in their same clothes post multiple children like that.