ask the person who spent friday and saturday morrning in a cell in a britiish police station

I will not discuss anything about the alleged offence itself other than to note it involved importing controlled substances and all my computers were seized (hopefully not for long) so I am typing on a crappy tablet. But if you have questions about what happened at the nick go right ahead. It was my first time so I was paying attention!

Allo,allo,allo. What’s all this then?

Are jails in the UK like jails in Philadelphia, where you are advised to proclaim your knowledge of the quart of blood technique as a deterrent to other detainees who may seek to harass you?

Did you get a free phone call? Or is that only in the US or a myth?

Well, as a valued customer of the British criminal justice system how did you find it?

Is there anything we can do to improve your satisfaction and comfort during your next stay? :wink:

How were the free fish n chips?

I was allowed one but declined the offer. It seems there was a right to have someone be told but the phone call was at the discretion of the custody seargent.

I found it much nicer than I expected. The cell was pretty big if barren, there was a “library” in the sense of books and magazines (I now know too much about canal boats); there were three alright meals a day and even more oddly a kind of room service - you could press a button and someone would be around to bring you a drink.

The only thing is if the toilet was flushable I couldnt see how.

Additionally everyone I spoke to was not only polite - they were actually NICE.

Put it this way if all custody suites are like that there are absolutely no need for any more criminal rights. It would have been nice to keep my belt though!

To be clearobviously the toilet could be flushed somehow but I wasnt sure how from inside the cell. However there was a button next to the “room service” one that probably did it; I did not press it in case it was a panic button or somehhing though.

Out of interest Disposable Hero what is it you do? I was thinking of writing a letter to the police to say thanks (it was a customs led investigation so hopefully it wouldn’t look like todaying) is there any reason I ought not to?

I think the police in the UK aren’t appreciated for the overall good job they do, all the media and public attention seems to be focused on the minority who bring the rest into disrepute.

I’m sure a letter of thanks would be very much appreciated, it would make a nice change from the wave of mostly unfounded complaints that wing their way.

btw coincedentally enough I’m currently reading ‘Wasting More Police Time’ by David Copperfield, an up-to-date collection of insider accounts from police officers in England and Wales. I highly recommend it for anyone interested in the state of the criminal justice system in the UK today.

bttw good to hear you were treated well, I would have been very surprised if you hadn’t been.

It’s a fair cop but society is to blame.

Were you actually arrested? How long were you held for?


Wow! I haven’t seen that movie for years, and i never realized before that the guy standing behind Eddie Murphy was Giancarlo Esposito. He was so young!


Yes I was arrested and held roughly thirty hours.

I would have been very surprised to be treated actually badly too but what I meant is everyone involved went beyond just calling me sir and talking from a script while looking surly, as you would get at say the passport office; everyone was genuinely nice

Totally serious question: in addition to the 3 daily meals, were you offered afternoon tea?

Were you ever asked to choose between cake or death?

In the USA, we are read/shown our Miranda rights if we are arrested - You have the right to remain silent, etc. Is there an equivalent in Britain?

Were you housed with any current or former Ministers of Parliament?

Can you apply for some kind of Royal Pardon? (Just a guess, but I bet the little princes need a reliable supply). :stuck_out_tongue:

If you tell me they provide free broadband I’m there. What crime should I commit?