So I hear a knock at the door this afternoon and there’s this silvery robot standing there on my front porch. A little late for Halloween, of course, but there he was. He - it? - introduced himself as W-3PO and said he’d missed his ship offworld and needed to get recharged. Nice British accent and everything. Why not, I thought, and before you can say “Anakin is a damned stupid name for a boy,” he’s knocking back the alternating current and sighing contentedly. We got to talking and I told him about the Straight Dope; he was immediately interested and asked to talk to all of you.
Looks like he’s settling in for an extended visit, so is there anything you’d like to ask him? I’ll just turn the keyboard over to him from here on out.
If you can talk to other droids, why the hell didn’t R2D2 mention that he already knew that Anakin was Darth Vader, and that Luke was his son? Did you not pay attention in Astromech droid language class?
I’m conversant in over seven million forms of communication. Do you think I can’t understand a little Astromech droid? He said about what you’d expect, in context. Sometimes he could be quite rude, I’m told.
Oh, dear. I’m not a metallurgist. My own “skin” is a Republic Dianetics synthpolyalloy, I believe, but I’ve had several upgrades over the years. And what seems awkward to you may be poetry in motion to others. The Kh’jel people, for instance, have an entire poetic discipline devoted to describing the movement of droids.
Do protocol droids ever change their appearance to suit events they attend? For example, shouldn’t an expert in protocol – robotic or not – know that it would be a faux pas to appear the same if in attendance at a casual breakfast, semiformal dinner, and formal ball?
Ah, oil baths. I haven’t been able to get a good one since I landed here, alas. Yes, the oil is hot (the hotter the better, consistent with your manufacturer’s recommendations). I like to soak at least an hour, if possible, but never more than seven. 10w30 motor oil, as I understand it, would be too crude and not have the cleansing effect of a proper droid oil like KleenDroidPlus or Everfresh 7709 (my personal favorites, not that I’m always asked).
Vegetable oil? Good heavens, no. That would void my warranty.