Ask the teenager!

Great Debates
21

Is it just me or am I chasing demons…What I have observed with so many teens today is a tremendous disrespect for each other. I expect them to feel threatened and disrespctful toward us adults. We’re idiots! I can remember feeling like I had all the answers, or at least like my mother was still living in the dark ages. Are teens at all interested in the injustices of the world anymore? I was a teen in the 70s and we were interested in politics, civil rights, and gender equality. Gender equality is something I just don’t see teenagers being sensitive to at all anymore. My daughter is 16 and this scares the crap out of me. Teenage boys haven’t changed much in that they cannot wait to get into a teen age girls pants. But I see young men who treat young women so disrespectfully. They charm their way from one girl to another, using them and then laughing about it. I believe you call these guys “players”. Back in my day we called them assholes and wouldn’t give someone like that the time of day. But girls now days fight over these guys like they’re some kind of prize! Only the girl who wins gets dumped eventually and everyone moves on. Don’t young men and women take their relationships seriously anymore?

There also seems to be so much more hatred between the various cliques or groups than in my day. While my group might have had disdain for say the “preps”, we didn’t feel so strongly as to hate them. Has hate become fashionable with the young?

I can think of a couple more but this is enough for now.

Need2know

22

Hey, Andros, you old fart, come over and sit here by me, we’ll be a couple of old farts together. What you said–“What the hell is with those pants?”–gave me a HUGE deja vu moment, only with me it went something like this:

“What the hell is with those pants? You know the ones I mean–the stupid-looking bellbottom ones, with enough extra yardage flapping in the breeze down there to sail you to Hawaii and back again? And what is it with the extra band of fabric on the bottom, so the hems are draggin’ on the ground? If they were too short to begin with, whadja buy 'em for, anyway?”

Ahh, the good old days. Pleasant out here on the porch ain’t it? :: rocking quietly ::

Well, I did come into this thread because I wanted to ask a teenager a question (two questions, actually), but evidently Garfield is the wrong gender.

My first question is, “How come when I ask you to clean your room, you scream and holler like it’s the Spanish Inquisition, but let Seventeen suggest that “sloppy is out”, and suddenly you’re in there with the vacuum and ALL the attachments, cleaning like the Pope is gonna come in and eat off the floor?”

My second question is, “You just spend the entire weekend at Senior Teen Church Camp with 3 of your Best Buds. I pick you up when it’s done, and the minute we get home, you have to check your e-mail to see if they sent you anything. Huh? They were WITH YOU all weekend; how could they have sent you e-mail? Also, 2 hours after you get home, you’re back over at one of their houses, visiting. You just spent 72 uninterrupted hours in her company. Huh?”

23

Dear Teenager

Why are teenage boys, in general, so preoccupied with the ontological implications of existential angst, while teenage girls are not?

I once had lunch with the owner of a restaurant that featured an all-you-can-eat buffet. When I saw a huge (350 pounds or so) middle-aged man walk in, I turned to the owner and whispered, “I bet you dread seeing people like him come in here.”

“Nope,” he replied instantly, “what I dread seeing are skinny teenage boys. That big guy there will stop after two or three plates.”

24

Johnny Angel:

That speech was given by Ally Sheedy, who is a she, not a he. A pretty fine looking she at that, at least until Molly Ringwald changed her makeup and put that idiot bow in her hair.

25

:blink: Aren’t they?

26

Aren’t who what?

27

Hey folks,
Won’t be able to answer anything 'till tonight or tomorrow, but keep on posting.

28

Gosh, I posted my question to you on the teenage pregnancy thread not noticing this one.

Anyway, since you’re so generous (and I think sweet) answer me these,too, please–

When you wear the big pants, don’t you get nervous that they’ll fall down?

Do you have decent teachers? If you’re in public school, what do you think of the quality of education you are getting?

When I was in high school, the worst thing done on campus was that one couple had sex behind the incinerator during school. My sister reported that people would smoke by the window behind the blinds during class. What goes on at your school that the teachers/principals don’t know about or pretend not to know about?

Are you close to your parents?

29

How old are you?

Do you possess any video cassettes that contain pornographic material?

How about magazines?

Have you ever gone anywhere to specifically “check out” girls?

<!-- personal query ends here -->

So are you into Mandy Moore, Faith Hill, and LFO?

What does your ideal wardrobe consist of? The more detailed, the better.

Hmmm… more will follow shortly.

30

I think that most of my teachers were excellent. Tbey cared about the material and their students. However, the cost of living is so high around here that their spouses often had to work full time as well.

Out of school, there’s a lot of drinking and light substance abuse. The school pretends to ignore it. Pressure to do well is very high, and cheating is widespread. Most teachers are willing to turn a blind eye to dishonest activities on exams and projects(copying, plagarism, notes).

I think I’m very close to my parents. I appreciate what they do for me and their responsibilities. We don’t always agree on minor issues, but there’s respect and understanding.

I’ll be 18 in September.

No.

No.

I’ve gone places to socialize. By “check out” do you mean look at people I don’t know? That’d be sort of pathetic.

Other than their names, I know absolutely nothing about any of those musicians.

Khaki pants, t-shirts, shorts, a few fleece jackets.

31

I personally have hated every Mountain Dew ad that I have ever seen as far back as I can remember. I find them so irritating that even if I liked Mountain Dew I would not drink it because I wouldn’t want to encourage bad advertising. Then again, I am not and never have been a teenaged boy, and thus am not a member of their target audience. So, my question to any teenaged boys out there is, do Mountain Dew ads actually appeal to you, and if so, why?

32

Here we go.

smilingjaws asked:

Big pants: The waist isn’t big, the legs are.
Teachers: Most are OK. Out of all last year (8 teachers), there were only two I didn’t like.
The quality is actually pretty good. I am in public school.
School goings-on: Well, TONS of people go across the street to smoke in the mornings.
The school can’t touch 'em (not school grounds), but they COULD call the police. They
don’t. That’s probably the biggest thing.
Parents: Not real close. We are OK, though.

Vandal said:

I’m 16.
No porno videos or mags.
Going somewhere to check out girls: Specifically, no. Have I done it, yes.
Music: No.
Wardrobe: Right now, my new favorite outfit is bright orange large shorts with a blue
mesh JNCO shirt and a orange thin life jacket style vest over it. I usually wear jean shorts
with a T-Shirt and a button up shirt left open over the T.

Lamia asked about Mountain Dew ads. I like the Bohemian Rhapsody one. Mountain
Dew is good anyway.

Libertarian said:

Yes. Pizza Hut lunch buffet. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. . .

Needs2Know said:

Teens have HUGE disrespect for each other and adults. There are a few (intelligent) teens
still worried about the world and problems other than their hair. Be worried about your
daughter and protect her. Please, for her sake. Seriously. Most guys don’t care. It
makes it hard for the rest of us. I have watched girls get hurt time after time, and I can
never understand why they would want to go out with a guy who is only going to hurt
them. There is much hatred between cliques. There is even more towards people who
aren’t in a clique at all. We are the unknowns and we have not tipped our hands by
pledging allegiance towards a major piece in the chess game that is high school. We are
feared and as a consequence we are outcast.

Gilligan said:

Racism is a problem. At my school (1700 or so students, public) we have a large
percentage of black kids, a large percentage of white kids, and a fairly large percentage of
Mexican kids. The racism towards blacks doesn’t mainly come from the whites, because
they’d get beat up (DON’T say I’m being racist, it happens all the time). There is a lot of
racism towards the whites. The Mexicans and the blacks fight all the time.
Our generation is lucky in that we don’t have some all-encompassing fear.
The average teenager, IMO, can word process, and use the internet and email. That’s
about it.

Johnny Angel said:

  1. Me, no. Most teens, yes.
  2. No.
  3. Me, definitely. Most teens, depends on how big the map is.
  4. When I realized that all my friends were picking out their own clothes.
  5. For the most part.
  6. Me, very. Most teens, not very.
  7. I blame myself, my parents, and the government, depending on what the problem is.
  8. I defer to Lawmill on that.
  9. Actually, I do need a haircut.
  10. No, they make me more angry at politicians who think they can tell what’s going on
    inside a teenager’s head by every method except the most obvious: Asking them.
  11. Most teens: No one except me and my friends gets it.
  12. Don’t smoke, never will. Humphrey Bogart, no.
  13. Never seen it.

Wow. This is fun. Keep posting, folks.

33

>When you wear the big pants, don’t you get nervous that
>they’ll fall down?

I don’t wear especially big pants.

>Do you have decent teachers? If you’re in public school,
>what do you think of the quality of education you are
>getting?

Well, let’s see. Ms Biggs, the radical feminist and first person I ever came out to, was fairly decent. So was Mr Nincheri, who persuaded me to go to Marianopolis instead of the ethnically segregated hell of Vanier.

Of course, then there was Mr Shithead (name changed), who handed me a beakerful of dilute hydrochloric acid and then got the whole chemistry class to pound on the desk chanting “Drink it! Drink it!” at me. (Guaranteed 100% true factual incident.)

>Are you close to your parents?

Not really, but I don’t live at home any more. Even then I wasn’t close to my parents, particularly my father.

>How old are you?

>Do you possess any video cassettes that contain
>pornographic material?

No, but I run a porno website. :sweet smile:

>Have you ever gone anywhere to specifically “check out”
>girls?

Um, I assume you mean “guys”… yes.

>So are you into Mandy Moore, Faith Hill, and LFO?

Who?

>What does your ideal wardrobe consist of? The more
>detailed, the better.

I’d love to have a complete Goth wardrobe, but other than that I don’t really have one. I buy my clothes at Value Village.

>1) Do you actually listen to that music they play on MTV?

Well, we don’t have MTV in Canada. I may listen to some music that they play there, but it is a coincidence.

>2) Did you or anyone you know ever think Joe Camel was
>cool?

Yeah, if you like lung cancer.

>3) Can you find America on a map?

Yes, dear. Can you find Canada on one? :slight_smile:

>4) At what age did you decide you were qualified to decide
>how you were going to dress?

When I graduated from high school, where we had to wear uniforms. :shudder of revulsion:

>5) Do you think that what you believe now, you will still
>believe in five years?

Yes.

>6) To what extent are you aware that the decisions you >make now will have consequences for several decades?

Acutely.

>7) Who do you blame for your problems?

The person or persons responsible, I hope.

>8) Why don’t you try listening to good music, like Tom >Waits, or Louis Jordan?

Why don’t you try listening to good music, like the Pet Shop Boys or Tori Amos?

>9) Why don’t you get a haircut, and some clothes that fit?

I’m too poor to afford a haircut right now, but my clothes do fit.

>10) Do post-Columbine `feel good’ measures help quell any

burning desire you may be harboring to shoot classmates?

They were quite droll. They almost made one forget that high school is a hellmouth of social exclusion, torture of those who are different, and a device for the deletion of the very values (individuality, questioning, and free thought) that education is meant to instill.

Almost, but not quite.

  1. Who do you think doesn’t `get it’ – the teenagers or
    >the grownups?

Individuals do or don’t get it, not age groups.

>12) If teens smoke to be cool, why do they smoke in such >an uncool manner? Do kids not watch Humphrey Bogart movies
>anymore?

I don’t smoke for any reason or in any manner, so I don’t know.

>13) How do you react to the movie The Breakfast Club?

Never seen it.

34

Thanks alot Garfield for being honest, but I’m not comforted at all! What has happened to us? I just don’t understand. Can you explain this attitude of hatred that young people have for each other? Do you have a clue as to why? Why is it necessary for the white kids to live in fear at your school and the black and hispanic kids to fight constantly? Do you think it’s because these minority kids are fighting for some place in society? Do you think they hate the whites because they are where they want to be? What do you think makes them feel this way? Is it poverty? Do you think they even know?

And why have young people slipped so far backward in their thinking that young women have become nothing more than objects to them? Do you have any idea? Just 25 years ago the general attitude was different. Girls are buying into it too aren’t they? They’re allowing themselves to be treated like second class citizens.

Don’t worry about my daughter. She’s MY DAUGHTER after all. She is a beautiful creature, 5’9", dirty blond, green eyed, but she is a ROYAL B. A drama queen, who will not be told what to do by anyone but me. (Gaining the upper hand again was really a contest of wills.) Boys are around all the time. She runs through them like Q-Tips. Many of them remain friends. She’s always related well to men. She was a big tomboy when she was little. Always kept up with them, sometimes tougher than they were. It was just her nature. She isn’t going to get pushed around much, but she’s an exception. Many of her friends are just pathetic. And they attempt to suck her into this disgusting submissive attitude I see so frenquently in young girls these days.

Thanks Garfield, I’d really like to know what you think.

Needs2know

35

Someone somewhere must be doing something right. Garfield, Matt and Pepperland all attest to this fact.

Grownups are not supposed to “get” teenagers. In fact grownups shouldn’t try. This is not to say parents should not know their teenaged children, but trying to understand the culture is impossible as it is meant to be as “ungrownup” as possible. Give your kids a chance to grow apart from you.

Teenagers are self-centered. They have to be in order to grow into self-aware adults. Care about them enough to let them be different from you.

36

I don’t expect them to be like me. Actually I was wishing for something better. But I just don’t see it. What I see now is not just a disdain for our government or social system like it was with us back in the 70’s, but a genuine hatred for everything, life itself. It’s displayed in the music they listen to, the lack of respect they show to each other, and the way they pierce their bodies. The tattoo and body piercing thing has almost become a pathology with young people. It’s a form of self mutilation. Like a person that cuts or burns themselves because their feelings are dulled. One piercing is not enough, two, three, some are not satisfied unles everything on their body isn’t studded.

I’m sorry. I feel like I do need to try and understand them. I have another child coming along behind them. What will it be like for him? People make fun of the social revolution that occurred in the 60’s. Fine make fun. But there is something to be said for the idea of “make love not war”. You see it here on this board. People with the attitude that if I give my neighbor an inch he might make and keep a little more money than me. Or he might have more politcal clout or power than I do. Why has our society become even more polarized? Is it money. Is it economics. It’s fear, that’s what it is. Fear that I’m not going to be able to drive the biggest, newest SUV, or that some guy might get a job I didn’t even want because of the color of his skin.

I think we do need to know how teens feel. One day these people will be the workforce in this country, the voters. I plan on still being here myself. I’d like to know what they think.

Need2know

37

Needs2Know,

I hope you don’t think my post was directed at you personally! I was just making a general statement. I think it’s wonderful that you are trying to understand your kids.

As for teenage culture: Every generation has tried their damndest to outrage the generation before. It’s just not rebellion if your parent’s generation is not outraged. One piercing is not enough because dad already has an earring!

38

Needs2Know said:

Well, I wish I had all the answers. I don’t really know why there is a hatred, but there is, and no one likes it when it’s directed towards them. About the race thing. I don’t know why it is so prevalent in my school, but it is. I don’t know why it happens. The situation is this. We have two middle schools. One is in the north part of town, one is in the south part of town. The one in the north has the MATS (motivating academically talented students) program. The one in the south doesn’t. If you wanted to go to that program, you HAD to go to that school. On top of that, the north part of town is the “rich” part of town. So, at the North school, you get all these rich, smart, white kids (and smart, rich, Asian and Indian kids whose parents are doctors). At the South school, you have mostly your average kids (probably about 40% white, 40% black, and 20% hispanic). At middle school, everything (mostly) was OK. Then we get to high school. On TOP of a general dislike for anyone who didn’t come from your school, you have all these white kids from the north school who think they’re better than everyone else because, well, that’s what they’ve been taught. Most of the white kids from the south don’t have a problem, because they’ve learned how to get along with mostly anyone. So the black kids band together and the hispanic kids band together and they have pride for their little individual groups, which makes the other groups (3 groups here: blacks, hispanics, white kids from the north who think they’re better than everyone else) very mad. So I guess maybe the big problem isn’t race, it’s separation.

To a lot of guys, young women HAVE become nothing more than objects. I don’t really know why this is, and I hate blaming things on pop culture, but in this case, I think it’s warranted. I don’t know if pop culture (music, especially) started the whole mess, but it has certainly perpetuated it. The sad thing is, girls ARE buying into it. My first relationship (when I was 15, not 12, or 10, like the little kids who are doing things now) lasted OVER A YEAR. OVER A YEAR! Most teenagers haven’t dated anyone for over a MONTH. So, there are still SOME good guys out here.
About your daughter, always remember she loves you. Because she does. No matter what happens. (You know, like how you say you love her no matter what) We don’t like to tell parents that, but it is true.

39

Thanks Garfield you’re a great kid for even trying something like this. So the problems in your school are “class” distinctions, pretty much what I thought. I also guess you’ve got enough sense to see that the minority kids are on the bottom of the pile so naturally they are acting out against the system. It might not make much sense to you and me but they are going at it with each other in a unconscience attempt to gain some kind of position. They don’t need to vie for position with the “normal” white kids you guys are already second in command, by virtue of the color of your skin. I guess it also hasn’t escaped your notice that the better school is on the side of town where the rich kids are located. This is the kind of disparity that minorities have been complaining about since the 60’s when they finally had the courage to stand up and say so. But then the money’s located on that side of town now isn’t it? What do you think? Do you think that’s the way it should be? Their parents do make more money, probably pay higher taxes, why shouldn’t their kids have better schools? Or do you think that funds for something as important as public education should be spread a little more equally? Just asking. Thought you might want to think about the situation some more, after all you won’t be a kid forever. Hopefully!

So you do think pop culture might have influenced this generation this way? I know you’re just a kid but let’s face it you know more about current pop culture than I do. You said you don’t know why attitudes towards women have changed for the worse. Could it have something to do with race and class system problem too? Let’s face it, no matter what your race or social class, women are the closest and easiest target aren’t they? And it wouldn’t be to far of a stretch for men to start stepping on the rights of women again, they’ve kept women down as much as they could since we first crawled out of the ooze. What do you personally think about that? I know you said you had a year long relationship, but what do you think about the female of the species? Are they worthy of a man’s respect? Should he give them a place beside him instead of behind him or chained to the stove? Just interested in a young person’s point of view. And what about us women, shouldn’t we demand respect?

Sorry I know it’s summer vaction. You should have gone to the pool with your friends instead of setting yourself up for this!

Needs2know

40

Needs2Know said:

Well, let me put it this way. I went to the south school. I was accepted into the MATS program, but chose not to go because I didn’t want to leave my school. Did I miss out on anything? Definitely. Is it fair that I would have had to change schools to get the advantages? I don’t think so. I think if the parents want to personally donate money to further enhance their child’s school experience, go for it. When it comes to state-provided funds or funding from taxes or other “outside sources”, I think it should be distributed evenly with few exceptions (say a school was burnt down or something, then all the money should go towards that, of course).

Needs2Know also said:

Yes, I think pop culture probably had something to do with it. I don’t think the attitude towards women problem stems from race and class, because that exists equally if not moreso between guys. Women are the easiest target for what? I think that women will see to it that men aren’t erasing their rights as a whole. Now, I’m not blaming women for how guys treat them, but as you ask at the end, I think they should demand respect. If they did, I think they might actually get it.

Anymore questions?