This is what most jumped out at me. Can you elaborate a bit? Total strangers regularly make it their mission to threaten you?
It’s not that I don’t believe you, not at all. I am just astonished and saddened that this happens so regularly.
mmm
“Timmy, have you masturbated yet today?”
“Aww, Mom, can’t I just clean up my room, mow the lawn and then take out the garbage instead?”
Looked at your picture, and I think you are pretty. Really basic, dumb question. Does trans woman mean transitioned to female/woman?
Recently, I was walking down the street, and up ahead were a group of homeless people drinking on the sidewalk and taking up quite a bit of space. One of them was like, “Whoa whoa, make some room. There’s a lady coming through.” and they stepped out of the way. I replied “Thank you”, and my voice was the giveaway.
“What the fuck? That’s a man? Hey, are you some kind of f*ggot?”
He started advancing on me and his friends had to hold him back. I usually make the assumption that I don’t pass, particularly in this case. Two of the guys there I walk by regularly, and I’d given money to them periodically both pre- and post-transition, so I’m “known”. Most of the terrifying encounters I get involve me being read as female and being ogled, and then suddenly being read as male. That frame-shift offends people a lot. I rarely have problems (aside from some muttered comments, which are frequent) if I simply don’t pass from the get-go.
I hate this mentality. This ia fucking “Ask the…” thread on a subject that many people still have difficulty fully understanding. Comments such as yours only serve to keep that lack of understanding to persist.
This is interesting to me. Why is your hormone therapy such a departure from the “mainstream”? And are there downsides/health concerns to having massively above-normal E levels, especially with negligible/no T? My conventional understanding has been that everyone needs both hormones, just in different ratios. Men still need estrogen, just in very small amounts (low to no E will kill erections just as little to no T). Conversely, women need testosterone, just in very small amounts (sex drive being one aspect).
I am wearing drag-queen levels of makeup in that picture. That was like a two-hour job. Of course I’m going to look pretty. I also curate my photos.
Yes, that’s what “trans woman” means, although I would clarify that it doesn’t imply anything about transition. I thought of myself as a closeted trans woman for a very long period of my life. Because I was first exposed to this in the late 90s online, and then subsequently messed around in the scene in the mid 2000s, I’m more comfortable using “MTF” (which was more common then) or “Tgirl” for myself. Both of these can be considered offensive depending on who you’re speaking with. “MTF” implies that I used to be male and am now female, and emphasizes the transition rather than the gender. Many trans women would claim that they’ve always had a female gender identity, and so the term “MTF” is inaccurate. “Tgirl” I associate with club lingo, and many trans people don’t have any association with that world. If I heard “Tgirl” from a random cis-hetero person on the street, I would assume that they were a chaser.
The typical regimen is to prescribe two medications, estradiol to directly raise E levels, and an anti-androgen to lower T. In the US, the anti-androgen of choice is spironolactone. My endocrinologist personally feels that the side effects of spiro are not worth it. It’s a diuretic. Trans people spend so much time dealing with public restroom shit, and the last thing they need is a medication that makes them need to pee every few hours. Spiro can also cause electrolyte imbalances; I would have to avoid high potassium foods. There’s also some literature claiming that spiro raises cortisol levels. I have moderate anxiety problems, and don’t need additional stress hormone. If you hear trans women joke about salt cravings, it’s from taking spiro.
Many trans women take oral estrogen pills. I don’t think I could safely raise my E to their current levels orally. There would be risks of liver damage and deep vein thrombosis. Those risks are greatly diminished with injectable estradiol (as well as with transdermal patches or implantable pellets). There’s also a risk of estrogen dominance, where you have too much estrogen relative to progesterone. I take oral progesterone to combat this.
Low T primarily results in me being lethargic and experiencing a sort of brain fog. My endo has recommended pregnenolone, which is a precursor to testosterone, but only in the pathway used by the adrenal glands. I haven’t felt the need to do this.
For reference, typical female estradiol levels are around 200 pg/mL to 300 pg/mL. Mine will fluctuate between 500 pg/mL and 1200 pg/mL. Female testosterone levels are around 10 ng/dL to 30 ng/dL. Mine is either undetectable or in the single digits. (Before hormone therapy, mine was 800 ng/dL.)
Nm, already answered.
With regard to how my friends have responded, like right when I told them, the responses really depend on if they’re LGBTQ or not. Straight folk:
“Oh… OK. What pronouns do you use?”
“Wow, you’re so brave.”
“Wait, so you were born a woman, and you became a man?” (this is the best response I get from straight folk)
“Congratulations!”
“Oh, I had no idea!”
LGBTQ folk:
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”
“Yeah, I always figured.”
“You’re one of us! If you need anything at all, let me know! trans stuff trans stuff trans stuff”
“Oh, excellent… wait… um… you didn’t know I’m trans, too? :eek: :D” (this is the best response)
This thread is fascinating and you present what seems to me a very factual an apolitical point of view.
A couple questions
With no/very little sex drive will you be able to enjoy sex if you chose to engage in it?
Are you offended if someone refers to you by masculine pronouns? What about after all your surgeries when you would presumably be passable (this assumes the person speaking to you only knows you are trans through hearsay and is making a point by using male pronouns)?
You mentioned a history of mental health issues. Would you comment on your experience in the trans community and the prevalence of similar issues with others.
Thank you.
If you had to pick one, what’s the one thing you wish everyone knew about trans people?
I don’t know. The rare occasions where I’ve experienced a frisson of sexual arousal have been the result of long periods of flirtatious conversation. (I believe you call this “foreplay”.) I can easily be brought back to a baseline state of blah, at which point we’d need to start all over. I’ve had one or two orgasms in the last six months. They feel like unsatisfying and interrupted penis orgasms. I see some trans women online talk about full-body estrogen-fueled orgasms. I haven’t seen any personal evidence of this, although I’m willing to believe that I need to relearn a lot of things about my body.
I’m mildly annoyed when people refer to me with “he/him”. I don’t correct people. I’ve had people use “she” followed by a huge eyeroll. That’s obviously not any better. I mean, I understand that my physical appearance is what it is, and having ones brain override its perception of my patchy beard shadow or my browbone can be difficult for some. I deal with this every day when I look in the mirror. To be honest, I dislike confrontation, and I’m trying to cope (in therapy) with a deep-seated belief that my transness is a huge societal burden that I impose on others.
I don’t know how I’ll feel in the future. I’m told I’ll get more fed up with this as time goes on.
Well, I’m personally not close to many trans people, at least to the point where any but a few would divulge mental health issues to me. I do attend a group therapy session, but that’s a self-selected pool of trans people. The trans people I know outside of therapy, well, I don’t assume people’s inner mental state on the basis of their outward appearances, for obvious reasons ;). Personally, I’ve suffered from eating disorders in middle school and high school, and have always been depressive. I currently take Effexor to cope with PTSD resulting from sexual assault in my early 20s. I know several other trans women in a similar situation. A few of my trans friends (men and women) are openly suicidal. I try my best to help them.
I had to think about this for a while for two reasons. The first is that I’ve been adjacent to trans spaces for almost half of my life, and I’ve been considering transition for such a long time, so I have no idea what y’all outsiders know and don’t know about trans folk. The second is that I’m always hesitant to ascribe characteristics to trans people as a whole. If you talk to a good number of us, you’ll realize that we’re all very different. There’s a pretty consistent narrative in the media about what it means to be trans, and how to interact with trans people respectfully. It’s a good default if you’re talking to a complete stranger, but there are some pretty deep fissures within the trans community. I have two anecdotes:
My mother-in-law was talking to my sister-in-law about something I had done pre-transition, and she used my deadname (that would be my male name), because it had happened before I was out. My SIL responded with something like, “Don’t call her that! She’ll be offended!” In general, yeah, you wouldn’t do that, but I personally am much more comfortable using he/him for my pre-transition self. Then again, I made the decision to transition very obviously and openly. (I would not have dared ten years ago.) A lot of trans people don’t have that luxury. My electrologist, who transitioned in the late '80s, thinks I am absolutely bonkers. I don’t have any intention of starting my life over, and I have papers published under my deadname. If people want to know it, I’ll tell them. It’ll save them a Google search.
Shortly after I came out, I was walking home from a bar, being escorted by one of my friends. He’s cis and gay, and he very sheepishly asked, “So… um… can we… interact… before the changes set in?” (I was a strikingly attractive dude.) And I had to be like, “Look, I’m flattered, but I’m in a committed relationship, so of course the answer is no.” I was recounting this to a co-worker over lunch as a funny aside, and her response caught me by surprise: “Oh my God! Are you OK? He said that to you and he knew you were a woman? That is so disrespectful!”
People seem very eager to be offended on my behalf on the basis of what I’m assumed to believe as a trans woman, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Trans folk are not a monolithic bloc. We have different beliefs, and our dysphoria (if we even have it) manifests in different ways. Even our relationship to gender varies. Get to know us as individuals. I’m always surprised to learn that I’m the only trans person that people know. I usually see two or three on any given day I leave the apartment.
In this thread I opened
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=845553&highlight=tannen
I linked to the work of Linguistics Professor Deborah Tannen: specifically, how the difference between boy talk and girl talk is how boys essentially try to out-do each other, whereas girls try to prove they AREN’T better or different, but are THE SAME.
Which way were you like?
You may want to specify which age you’re talking about, Enola Gay: preschoolers. By the time they start using decent grammar, girls are perfectly fine with escalating talk so long as it’s socially acceptable and boys are doing sameness bonding talk like nobody’s business. And the escalating talk that’s typical of boys is “my dad will beat up your dad”; other kinds such as “I will beat you up” are found in all little kids.
I hate that you misunderstood my comment. I was talking our trolls that are going to troll.
Thanks for sharing RR. I have an old friend who just a couple of years ago transitioned publicly. I had no idea he was always holding something in. Now she’s doing fine, I hope. I will reach out to her again.
My biggest question is how the hell can you afford all these multiple surgeries, hormones, electrolysis if you are unemployed? Are you independently wealthy or does your spouse pay for it all? I’ve had orthognathic surgery to correct a malocclusion of my teeth, man that shit was not too much fun.
We all have moments of self-doubt, existential dread, whatever you want to call it. When you’ve had moments like these did you ever feel that you made a huge mistake going through with all this, or once you made the initial steps was all the doubt gone?
I don’t know. I have very few memories from that age. I also don’t think I’m a reliable narrator when it comes to just how feminine or masculine I was or am. I don’t believe I was particularly gender-nonconforming as a child, certainly not enough for my parents to say anything.
Neither my wife nor I graduated with any college debt. We also don’t have kids. That helps a lot. Losing my job was a huge blow; my finances had worked out to just covering everything with the assumption of steady employment. The latter surgeries may have to wait. Not wanting a vaginoplasty helps. Orchiectomies are cheap, and are an out-patient procedure.
We are not independently wealthy. This will wipe out my savings. Insurance will cover part of my jaw surgery, as it’s also correcting a bite problem.
As far as regrets or existential dread, regarding the actual act of transition, no. My only regret is choosing my initial electrologist, who left me with significant facial scarring.