This news story about a rock musician who has decided to live as a woman reminds me about issues I’ve long wondered about. First off, do you know a transsexual or transgendered person? Friend, family member, or significant other? Did you know them before or after they transitioned? How did it affect your relationship with that person? Of course people who are transsexual or transgendered themselves are more than welcome to answer.
Hi! I’m trans.
It’s funny. I haven’t regularly read this forum in a long time, but some of the trans related threads (and ensuing drama) of days long past actually comforted me during a really terrible point in my life. That was eight or nine years ago, so it was a few years before I transitioned and I was feeling pretty alone at the time. Reading other trans people’s experiences was unbelievably helpful, actually.
But yeah, I just now got the urge to log in again, and then I saw this thread. I don’t really think about my history too much at this point, but some trans buddies/allies were talking about this on another forum and even though I haven’t really ever listened to Against Me! I’m thrilled for Laura and for the way people seem to be responding to her, on the whole.
Being trans is incredibly not-fun, and the experience of having your identity rejected for a long time is indescribably hard to deal with even after you’ve gotten stuff out of the way and begun to move on with your life (hi, sup!).
I transitioned before I ever really had to “live as a man,” or whatever, but I still lost friends and my family, while still way more supportive overall than I’d have expected from blue collar/conservative southerners, is still awkward to be around sometimes (especially since being around them is the only time I ever have to worry about people misgendering me – again, they’re usually great, but it’s not 100% comfortable).
Anyways, yeah. That’s my third post in nearly a decade, I guess.
I do! I know a lesbian who married a lesbian who is a full-op transitioned male. Once I stopped trying to wrap my head around the pronouns and “rules” I’d somehow created, I realized that all that matters is that they love each other, have 2 beautiful children, and are very happy. And I am happy for them.
I briefly dated a MtF pre-op transsexual. We’re still friends. Her (mostly blue-collar) family is very supportive. For a long time, she was trying to get surgery (which is a long process with psychological evaluations and so on) but in the end decided “I am a woman, no matter what kind of equipment I have.”
Sadly, this is a tough concept for most people to wrap their heads around, and she gets a lot of grief over it.
Several, actually. My subculture is very Gender: Other inclusive. Joeis a transman, and yes, I knew him (albeit not particularly well) pretransition. Same sweet, quiet, shy person, only now he’s got a beard. One of his fears (which honestly I’d never even thought about until he went through it) was that he’d lose his pretty singing voice as it deepened. There were a rough few months there, but he ended up with quite a lovely voice, so that was a relief! If you scroll down at that article, there’s my favorite song of his. Gives me chills every time, and yes, it’s about his experience with deciding to transition. (The redhead in the video is his musical partner, and they dated back when Joe had a female body, but as she’s a lesbian, things got complicated after his transition and they ended their romantic/sexual relationship.)
Another one, Joan, is a MtF who is the father of one of my best friend’s kids. Joan can’t afford medical care, so she’s “transitioned” best she can with grey and black market supplements. That scares me a lot. Like Joe, Joan’s romantic relationship was unable to weather her transition, although it took about 4 years for them to give up.
Terry is a man with female anatomy who is not going to transition, because of the health risks, expense, and other personal fears.
Wolf is…unknown. I’ve met Wolf a dozen times, and still have no idea. Doesn’t really matter, except that it does make pronouns really awkward to dance around.
There are a few more, but what I feel free to share of their stories is pretty much like those above.
I’ve known some transgender folks in real life, but none have ever been close associates - the brother of a friend, one of the staff of a company I did temp work for, that sort of thing. I’ve encountered them as customers in retail jobs. But most transgender people I know I know from the internet.
Or rather, most that I know as transgender - quite a few of the transgender folks I’ve met on the internet can pass as born men and women if you bump into them in meatspace. Knowing that, I can only assume that I’ve met a certain number out in the world whom I didn’t know were transgender.
I have worked with some individuals who idntified as women with male equipment. in both cases the restrooms were the biggest issue. where I live women will stuff every possible crack in the walls with paper and hang streamers of paper over the door joins to prevent anyone from seeing them in the stall so the idea that someone with male parts would be in the same restroom with them had them screaming to HR. however the men werent any better, I don’t remember the end result but I think it was if you currntly have a penis you use the mens room, no penis use the womens room.
I feel badly for individuals in transgendered situations and for homosexuals as well. their lives are difficult enough without having to cope with full bladders and noplace to go.
Nope. Oddly enough Saudi health care pays to SRS for those who needed. Who would have guessed that?
My best friend is trans. She’s only just beginning her transition. We met when we were thirteen and she was living as a boy; we’re twenty now, and she came out to me six weeks ago (just a month after I came out to her as bi … it’s been an eventful few months). I was rather surprised at first, I never would have guessed, but after thinking about it for a while I could totally see it.
As for how it changed our relationship, it didn’t change very much. She’s the same person she always was: my best friend. But some things have changed, all for the better, I think. We’re more honest with each other now. Since she’s not hiding her gender issues anymore, she’s also opened up about other things - we’ve had more deep, emotional talks in the past six weeks than we had in the previous seven years, and though we’ve loved each other (platonically) for a long time, we didn’t tell each other so out loud while she was living as a boy. She’s become the person I can talk to about being queer, and I think I fill the same role for her.
I have a good friend who recently (last year) transitioned from female to male. We go on art gallery excursions together every few months. Which reminds me, I should email him, we’re due another outing. I’m a gay-friendly straight male, if that’s relevant.
Glad to hear it!
Other than me, no, not really. I have met a few, but we only had that one thing in common and really did not “click.” It’s like saying, “you’re both gay,” or “you’re both from Pennsylvania,” you’re bound to be great friends!
“In 3D”, none I know of. In here, there’s several.
Yes, my uncle transitioned into my aunt, including gender reassignment surgery, when I was around 7-8. I was young enough at the time that I simply accepted the situation and didn’t really think about it too much. It did not change my relationship with my aunt at all. Unfortunately, she died about a year ago. I was delighted to learn that my mom didn’t use her male name in the obituary, nor was it even on the death certificate. Her headstone also has her female name, which is as it should be. Mom was her best friend and was her rock of support throughout the transition, so it makes sense. I’m just glad – for the purposes of family history/records – that we aren’t shoving her trans identity in the closet and pretending like it never happened.
Because of my aunt, I was always pretty open and accepting of other people’s varying orientations and gender identities. So I’m grateful for her influence in my life; she helped teach me that people are just people.
Since this is more or less a poll, I’m going to move it from MPSIMS to IMHO.
I have a friend that I was pretty close with in high school that dropped off the map completely after school, went through a Christian thing and then maybe 5 years ago (about 10 years after school) started the transition to female.
We’re friends on Facebook now and she’s friends with most everyone from school on Facebook. She doesn’t hang out with anyone in person I don’t think but she’s only a year or two in to her full transition so she might still be getting comfortable in her skin.
She still seems exactly the same as when we were 16. I’m really proud of her - not just for doing her transition but also she’s still a good person, has a great job and does good work for others.
Funnily enough I met a new friend last year and she happens to be the only lesbian I know in the area, and she ended up dating my trans friend mentioned above, for a short while, unbeknownst to me.
In “real life,” only one person that I know of. He’s the brother of my brother-in-law, born in a female body. You wouldn’t know from talking/hanging around with him that he ever transitioned, and the two brothers nearly look like twins. He’s married to a woman, and they have children. I didn’t know him before transitioning at all, and it doesn’t affect our relationship.
Are you kidding? I live in northern CA, and I know several.
I’ve known several, and only one have I had trouble remembering the transition, though that’s getting easier with time.
I’ve known Jasper since before he was born - he was sorta named after me, and he was a flower girl at my wedding. He’s 17 now, and has been toying with the idea of transition for the last 3 or 4 years, but only started asking people to use his boy-name and male pronouns within the last year.
He isn’t taking testosterone, though he might start once his body stabilizes from adolescence - on the other hand, he’s kind of afraid of the side-effects so he might not.
Referring to him by a boy’s name is helping with remembering to use male pronouns - but he’s so darn pretty that it’s hard to look at him and think ‘boy’. (He’s also only 5’2", which doesn’t help either.)
A few. Two FtMs and one MtF. From the outside it seems that it’s easier if you start younger. If I hadn’t met one of the FtMs before I never would have had an inkling, I don’t think.
In contrast, the MtF person is living without the benefit of any surgical or hormonal assistance, mostly due to financial struggles. I can’t imagine it’s very easy for her and her family hasn’t been totally supportive either. I’m sure it limits her job opportunities, too, whether they admit it or not.
None that I know about. An ex-worker of my dad’s transitioned from MtF after they no longer worked together, but I don’t really remember her, or if I ever met her.