Whenever people ask me to talk about my artwork beyond just me explaining where the materials come from or how I do X, Y, and Z, I struggle. My art definitely taps into my emotions, but either I don’t have the vocabulary to put the feelings into words or I’m just not that deep. I am more of the “ooh, pretty!” type of artist, I guess. I’m too much of a concrete thinker to be bothered with symbols.
I think a lot of people do things with the idea that they can “fake it till they make it”. There is enormous social pressure to pair up with another person and create a family. Perhaps a person doesn’t want to do either of these things, but they can’t imagine life any other way. So they go along with the program, hoping that their desires then follow.
Since I created this thread, I think I have made some positive strides. I’m still on the alexythymic side and still don’t desire closeness with another person, but I don’t know if I would check off the same diagnostic “boxes” I did five years ago.
Because “it’s what everybody does” or “it’s your social/familial/religious duty”. The same reasons apply to having kids.
“Many fundamentally schizoid individuals display an engaging, interactive personality that contradicts the observable characteristic emphasized by the DSM-IV and ICD-10 definitions of the schizoid personality.[6] Klein classifies these individuals as “secret schizoids”,[6] who present themselves as socially available, interested, engaged and involved in interacting yet remain emotionally withdrawn and sequestered within the safety of the internal world.”
:eek: I think this is me. For so many years I’ve wondered what the hell is wrong with me. Outwardly I seem outgoing, engaging, chatty and interactive. But every interaction is so stressful inside me.
Even with my immediate family. Going out for lunch with my mom is something I want to do but when I’m actually doing it, it’s so freaking stressful. Same with going for lunch with coworkers. It’s so stressful that I have to constantly keep telling myself “relax, stop scrunching your shoulders, relax, nothings happening, you’re fine”.
It’s very hard to admit this because I’m so careful to not let anybody know. I’m the receptionist and my desk is the busiest in the office. There’s always goodies and games and things on my desk so people hang out all the time and chat with me. Nobody would know that inside I’m panicking and trying to make myself relax.
It’s so nice being alone at home because I can just relax and not worry about not looking like a freak in front of people.
I’m also extremely uncomfortable with people showing emotions. Sometimes at work someone will be happy or excited about something and shout “Yay!” and maybe do a little jig and it makes me want to crawl under my desk. If someone shows anger, it’s all I can do to not flee.
I’m not emotionless though because I do feel things very strongly. I just keep them to myself.
Anyway, even though this is a zombie, it’s been an interesting and informative read! Thanks, **Monstro **!
Thank you for clearing that up. Being married excludes the diagnosis of schizoid PD.
monstro, after reading this thread, and based on people I’ve known with either mental or physical problems, the important thing is to live your life as YOU wish. If you prefer to work on your art alone and spend your evenings alone then do it - it’s your life, you are not obligated to make others happy.
I’m someone who has been happily married for a quarter century and enjoys sex, but there are times I feel our society is WAY too obsessed with such things. Yes, they can be wonderful things, but they aren’t the only things in life. Enjoy what you enjoy and try not to worry about the rest. If you aren’t involved in romantic relationships yes, you might miss a few good things, but you also get to miss messy break ups, hurt feelings, broken hearts, and emotional betrayal. It’s a trade-off.
Basically, have a good life on YOUR terms.
For whatever it’s worth, before I read this thread I never had any idea you had this diagnosis. I agree with others, live you life as you see fit. I’ve always seen you as smart and friendly and a good person. I know you said you are sometimes indifferent to both praise and criticism but still, I wanted to give you the compliment.
As others mentioned, you can be a secret schizoid. However, just because you do not like people, doesn’t necessarily make you a schizoid. You could be a sociopath or have avoidant personality disorder. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on schizoid personality disorder, and it seems like there are two hallmarks of SPD that separate it from other disorders where you dislike people:
-
You withdraw from reality into a world inside your imagination. Do you get depressed if you spend too much time away from TV, books or video games?
-
You want absolute control over how close people can get to you. You do not want to get too close to people, but at the same time, you do not want to be completely alone. This is called a schizoid compromise. A version of this compromise is actually the marriage you described, where you marry someone so that you’re not alone, but you keep that person at a distance by never really becoming close to them. Schizoids can also make friends at work that they never hang out with outside of work.
What angers schizoids is when someone puts them in a position where they cannot control how close people get to them. For example, if someone pushes you to go to a party or if someone gets upset because you didn’t go to a party.
About as well as being in a heterosexual marriage excludes being homosexual. “Why did you get married” makes a world of difference, here.
So… I’ve found this thread pretty late, apparently it’s been inactive for four years, so I don’t know if it can be revived.
I found it interesting to read your description. Do you think it’s just genetics, or have you related your schizoidism to some things you’ve experienced as well? Like upbringing or life experiences? I guess I’m most interested in the whole causal thing, and whether there is more than just genetics at work.
Although I wouldn’t say I have schizoid PD, I do have some schizoid traits. I am better at making friends than I am at keeping them. I like being alone and working on intellectual stuff. When I have social activities I never look forward to them, but when I’m there I do enjoy it. Making jokes and stuff. But I never miss anyone, and losing friends is not a problem for me. People in my life tend to disappear after a while because I don’t initiate contact. I don’t really care that much.
My family is also pretty self-centered. I have contact with my dad about once a year, just a formality. He’s probably worse when it comes to schizoidism; he has no empathy at all (he admits this) and hates being with people. He once said that he thinks he misses an emotional component; he has no interest and care for others. If I don’t see my sister and mother for half a year or a year, we are all fine with that. I have never really understood why family should be important. Blood relationships don’t mean much to me, and neither does friendship. I care about people, and I can empathize with them, but when they’re not there, I just don’t think about them and focus on my own life.My sister is also pretty flat in her affect, but my mother is “normal” when it comes to emotions and relationships. There’s schizophrenia in my dad’s family, so we probably have some genetic predisposition there. But my dad was very distant and my mother was pretty intrusive, hyperemotional and demanding, so I think that my upbringing was also a big factor.
What is different between you and me is that I have pretty strong sexual desires, and I have had relationships. I am currently in a relationship as well. I can feel strong attractions to women, in a pretty obsessive way. I find it hard to imagine not having sexual desires. It’s like my desire for love and affection (which is usually quite low) suddenly comes out when I meet a new girl that I’m attracted to, but it fades and dissipates when we’re in a relationship for a longer period of time. My girlfriends often complain that I’m not very considerate and that I don’t listen much to them. I just don’t care about their stories about their work or what they did with friends. I don’t care about meeting their friends or family. I try to fake being interested, but I can’t keep that up for very long.
Although I find the superficial aspects of social life pretty dull, I guess I am fascinated by the deeper layers of people, emotions and relationships, (at least in an intellectual sense) because I work as a psychotherapist. I am actually pretty empathic (in an emotional way), and can put myself in their shoes. In my work as a therapist I can make meaningful connections (which I am surprisingly uninterested in in my day to day life) without having to reciprocate by showing myself and being too vulnerable. I get to hear interesting stories (not the boring daily facts that friends and family tend to offer) and work out this puzzle with my clients, trying to figure out how they tick and why they feel what they feel. It’s very rewarding for me, and I can feel love and care for my clients. For a long time I thought I had no emotions at all, but while working as a therapist, my awareness of my emotions has greatly improved. Now, I can easily feel anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety and so forth. My “depersonalization” is pretty much gone, even though my need for (long-term) relationships is still pretty much nonexistent.
Anyway, I don’t think I have schizoid PD, but there’s definitely a schizoid part inside me that would be fine all by myself. But that part of me doesn’t feel very alive… What is it like for you? Aren’t you frustrated sometimes that you can feel dead or like you’re not really living? It has gotten better for me since I have more contact with my emotions, but I guess I have a longer way to go…
EDIT: well this post got much longer than I had planned.
How much of this do you think is inherent in SPD, and how much is because people with SPD aren’t understood by most others? That is, if people understood you and treated you accordingly, how much would that help with depression and tendency toward self-harm?