I was taught by example not to swear at people and I still to this day have never called anyone a nasty word to their face.
When I was about 8 I had a hilarious conversation with my dad. He was driving me to my piano lessons (the most likely occasion to hear either parent swear is while driving!) and he had some minor mishap and unleashed a ‘Damn!’. I flinched or something, and my dad wouldn’t let me go to my lesson until I had said ‘Damn’ in the car. He asked me why it bothered me and I said it sounded angry, I think. And his reply was ‘Yes, it’s a word to use to show you’re angry. But it’s not something that should scare you.’
I took a while as a timid kid to learn that lesson, but I have. Now I swear a relatively large amount, but still less than either parent.
As long as its within the right social context I think cursing (though obviously not in excess) makes conversations more funny and adds a more comfortable aspect to a relationship.
I am proper at work, in front of strangers, etc.
I think that also being “proper” in front of trusted ones makes me feel like a fake, a good curse word now and then is alright, dammit!
I think swearing has a useful function - it’s an outlet to release frustration when you’re annoyed. For that reason, it should be used sparingly. I wouldn’t be annoyed at my daughter (who’s ten) for swearing when, say, she stubs her toe. I wouldn’t be too terribly annoyed if she swore when the internet crashed just as she was coming to the end of a difficult game. OTOH, if she were to call a schoolfriend a bitch, she’d have to have a really good reason for doing so.
TBH, those are the situations where I’d swear too, even in front of her, and I’m not a fan of ‘do as I say, not as I do,’ except in situations like drinking and having a sexual relationship, which are definitely age-dependant.
And this is exactly why when it comes to long hair, pierced ears or cussing; I do not hold my kids back at any age. When it come to cussing; I just make sure they know the time and place to do it.
My parents and entire family, (with the exception of my Grandmother) all cussed like sailors. Even in front of us children. We all knew tho’ not to say those words. At least not until about 15 or 16 years old.
I always thought it was the other way around. Why people allow themselves to be offended by a simple word is beyond me.
One thing I liked about BSG is that they demonstrated that. They used “Frak” instead of “Fuck” just to keep the censors and the Christian fundies off their back.
But really, when you think about it; what’s the difference?
Oh man I hate to hear little kids say crap and That sucks, makes me cringe. BUt it seems to be very common to hear kids say it.
When I was in 4h grade my friends and I went through a cussing stage, it was real bad we cursed out everybody in the neighborhood. I havent seen this yet with my kids, and I hope I don’t. But if do I would likely feign indifference and suggest alternate wicked words that would leave their victim guessing.
Which, of course, is exactly the same thing that happens with the drinking age being 21 here. When a lot of people turn 21, the allure of being (legally) allowed to do something new goes to their head and they over-do it. The ironic thing is if you would have let him swear before then, he probably would have done it in moderation to begin with.
Being mature has nothing to do with avoiding magic words that society of the past chose to be randomly offensive. A world without cussing be less funny, boring, and without vigor. Obviously I’m not saying you should go around cussing every other word, but if you actually reserve them for certain situations and usages, they’re quite effective.
Besides, there’s nothing more childish to me than an adult saying “gosh-darnit” or “what the fudge” or any other ridiculous swear word substitute. If you’re clearly saying a word to replace another word, and everyone knows what you mean and interprets it as the real swear word in their mind, what is the point?
Just as I don’t use profanity in front of my kids (all under age 12), they can’t use it in front of me. When they turn 18 and/or move out, I’ll probably lighten up.
I let my kids start swearing around me almost immediatly after they started swearing around me. I’d say, around 10 or so they got hip that I didn’t get upset when the occassional “shit” or “fuck” slipped out.
Now they’re almost 17, I don’t see any reason to talk to them differently than I talk to anybody else. I admit, I swear less when I’m around my daughter alone, mostly just because she tends not to swear alot. She asked me permission to say the word “fuck” when she was telling a story in which someone said “fuck.” My son on the other hand is not so limiting in his vocabulary.
It was much the same for me when I was a tyke. In fact, I probably picked up the better usages of the better swear words from my parents. Christ, my mother swears like a drunken sailor with a hangnail.
Not in my experience. Speech patterns are part of one’s formative growth, after all. Unsurprisingly, I’ve found that the people who swear the most also tend to be the ones who were permissively allowed to cuss during their youth.
I was pretty strict when my kids were young, but loosened up quite a bit by the time they were in their early teens.
Like someone else said, I do not care for it when kids - or adults - said crap and/or sucks all the time. I recall pulling the, “You realize that means oral sex…” thing on them. Of course, to be perfectly hypocritical, few people drop more f-bombs than I - tho not around the dinner table. I thought it preferable to take a pretty strict line early on to hopefully help the kids learn time and place restrictions.
My kids have kidded me about one time when they were in grade school, and apparently I was outside and overheard them inside say something “sucked,” and I came in and commented about it. And we told them that most of our family is pretty religious, so don’t say things like “Jesus.” I remember another time at dinner when they asked what was “the worst swear.” They were REALLY young at the time, and thought that “shut up” was a swear. Really opened their eyes - and expanded their vocabulary - with THAT dinner conversation.
I never recall being upset about emotional ejaculations. Instead, I tried to coax them away from excessive casual cussing. I believe in many cases swearing indicates a poor vocabulary - or at least lazy use of one’s vocabulary.
I had no problem telling them that they could choose to use whatever language they wanted around their peers, but not around me. Also told them they would need to be able to restrain their language around teachers, employers, etc. Tried to teach them that no words were inherently bad, but that they COULD expect certain responses from certain people from certain words, so they ought to learn to speak intentionally and develop the capacity for good speech habits. IMO the ability to refrain from swearing is just another facet of the lesson to teach a kid to say “please” and “thank you.”
At some point it seemed the lesson had sunk in, such that the occasional cussword was no big thing. And it seemed to allow for familial interactions at - shal I say - a more casual, mature level.
I still swear around my kids less than I do around my friends or wife. I think perhaps the biggest part of being a parent is setting a good example, and I’d disagree with most folk who claimed that excessive cussing was “a good example.”
Oh yeah - someone mentioned swearing during a dispute.
We taught our kids something we strongly believe, that in an argument such as with a salesperson or serviceperson - or many authority figures, if you swear - you lose. No matter how unreasonable the other party may be, as soon as you utter a cussword the dispute shifts from their behavior to your swearing. And it is stupid to give up any advantage you might have through lazy or ignorant word usage.
I was raised in a household that rarely used any sort of cursing. In fact, my father (a construction executive, so not from a background that would normally abstain from swearing) once sent movers from the house and called their company when two guys came and continually used profanity. I’m 47, and if anything, use less foul language than my parents. Occassionally I’ll hear one of my sibs say “shit” or “damn”, but never anything more colourful. I guess I believe that when you use strong language, it ought to mean something, and that, used sparingly, it gets more attention than if it’s every other word spoken.
I don’t swear in front of my mom, and I’m 40 (later this month). Her position was that while she knew we knew that caliber of words, she didn’t need to hear them. AFAIK, she hasn’t changed her mind on that. She doesn’t swear, she doesn’t like swearing, and so we don’t swear in front of her.
My dad always said that swearing was the sign of a poor vocabulary and he didn’t like to hear it not because it sounded coarse but because it sounded ignorant. He’s loosened up quite a bit now that we’re all grown, and is now more open about the fact he occasionally swears himself. I will sometimes say “damn” or “shit” or “that sucks” in front of him now, but never “fuck” or any variant thereof, much less anything worse.
MrSam and I both work at home, both on computers. This usually involves a lot of swearing at them, and we weren’t very successful at curbing this when we had a kid.
With our 6 y/o dd, we explain which words aren’t welcome at school, or around other kids. And we don’t tolerate disrespect in general. We don’t yell or swear at each other, and we expect the same from her. But if she drops something heavy on her toe and wants to swear, well, I’m ok with that.
She decided that it was too hard to know when it was ok to use bad words and when it wasn’t, so she’d never use them
I am not offended when others cuss. But years ago I noticed something.
When working with men who cuss all the time they have respect for those who do not. Say what you want but I have noticed this in many different groups.
If you know how to express yourself you do not have to cuss to make a point. In fact the biggest chewing out that I ever recieved the Chief just said two words. I will give you a break. Use what ever words you know how.
I don’t care if my kids use profanity, but my wife does, and they seldom do. I curse like pirate with Tourette’s. I grew up in a family where everybody swore all the time. My wife grew up in a family where nobody swore ever. Swearing is better. It’s fun, it’s expressive, and I’m pretty sure nobody ever died from it. My wife disagrees.
