In a situation where you had a kid, or multiple, at what age would you be alright with them cussing? Would this be different for boys/girls? If you already have kids, how do you feel about them cussing? Also, what were your experiences with your parents growing up regarding this?
At about 12 or 13 I was allowed to swear at home as much as I pleased. This privilege did not extend to school or in front of guests. I see no reason for children not to be allowed to swear when they are mature enough to realize the appropriate time and company for it.
I’m 30 years old and I still try to “watch my language” in front of my parents, at least as far as “fuck” and “godammit” go. (I’ve been working in bars for years and I don’t know anybody in the business who doesn’t swear like a trucker.) “Damn” and “shit” are relatively innocuous and even my mother uses them (albeit not often) so I don’t censor those.
As a kid, though? Never. Ever. My parents are religious and never allowed any cursing of any kind. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to try. I knew my dad was SERIOUSLY pissed off if he used profanity.
If I were a mom I would probably be relatively strict about it also; swear words, like a lot of things, are not for children. They will inevitably pick them up as they grow up, and use them around their friends, but I don’t see any reason to encourage it.
And of course if I were a mom I would censor my own language around them; I don’t swear in front of other peoples’ kids and I’d be pretty surprised if a kid swore in front of me. (I’d also probably be amused, but hey, I’m not the parent.)
I’m with Audrey - I’m almost 40, and I still don’t curse in front of my parents. They might ground me.
About objects: Around 10 - 12, when they’ve learned to only use those words in bad situations. Every third word should not be a cuss word.
About People: Damn near never. I don’t mind people saying "That was a fuckin’ bitchin’ party. I don’t want to hear anyone calling anyone a “fuckwad” or the B-word unless it is appropriate.
I have a 2 year old who says “shit” occasionally, and I’m cool with that. I don’t ever plan on keeping him from swearing, although I’ll definitely correct him for insulting people regardless of what words he uses.
At least 40. I am 41 and I do not curse in front of my mother. I don’t see it as much of a handicap. I curse like a drunken sailor on other occasions.
I’d have to say that family life is likely to be better if the standard is that no one of any age ever cuss, at any time. It’s a matter of mutual respect and civility. And the skill of resolving disputes and handling stressful situations without verbal violence is certainly a valuable one for children to learn.
How, exactly, does swearing improve a family’s time together?
And how does swearing hinder a family’s time together? You do realize that swear words are just words that don’t necessarily hurt the family dynamic, right? If anything, acting like various words in a language are magically uncivil and hurtful is what’s most troubling. Verbal violence? You’ve got to be kidding me… :dubious:
Teaching your children to get along and resolve disputes civilly is important, no doubt. But cursing doesn’t have anything to do with any of that. People can be civil and respectful while swearing, they can be “verbally violent” without.
How exactly does it hurt?
So you mean any cussing (“rats!”) or only the so-called “bad words”? I think it would be hard to raise an English-speaker who didn’t swear at all, ever, but I don’t think anyone wants their child to call grandma a… well, fill in the blank. So: swearing, as soon as they need a word to express situations of frustration. The “bad words,” only as subjects of discussion, never as actual swears. Of course, I think I’d be harder on “Oh, sugar!” than “oh, shit!” — I don’t mind euphemisms that have stood the test of time (“darn! heck! golly!”) but “fudge!” and “sugar!” particularly annoy me.
I’ll probably allow my son to use C-list curse words (damn, goddamn, hell, and maybe shit, but only if preceeded by “bull”) when he’s 10 or 12. The serious A-list words like fuck (although ‘fuck’ is a pretty versatile curse word…) cocksucker, motherfucker and such he won’t get to use in my presence until he’s a grown man.
I’m 27 and I don’t think I’ve ever cussed in front of my mother. And I don’t think I could start now because everyone would notice if I started swearing and start giving me shit about it. Although my sister swears like a sailor and no one bats an eye because she’s been doing it since she was like 10.
As you can see, I’m not averse to swearing in general, I just can’t imagine doing it in front of my family. My dad never really swore either and I guess I’m just trying to follow his example.
I’ve told my three boys that once they’re18, they can swear all they want. Then my oldest turned 18 this past winter, and says fuck every other word, just about. When I mention how stupid it makes him sound, his answer is, “I’m 18- I can do whatever I want.” 
I think I’ll change it to “Never around me”.
Swear words aren’t “magically” uncivil - they’re straight-up uncivil. That’s often their job. If you call someone a fuckin’ asshole, the last thing you want is for him to think you meant to be civil.
I’d disagree. If your son has a disagreement with, say, a grocery store cashier, is civil resolution more or less likely if he curses at her?
The second is obviously true - the first less so. Verbal violence is sometimes challenging to avoid, and typically much more so when swear words are being exchanged. Avoiding them does not guarantee that violence will be avoided, but often helps.
I was sixteen when I said shit in front of my dad. He looked at me and said that he supposed I was old enough he couldn’t tell me not to say it. I resolved to watch my language around him anyway, because I was embarassed. I did appreciate that he thought I was old enough to make my own decisions about what language to use, though.
I think a huge part of being old enough to cuss is knowing when you can’t, and being able to control yourself. So the answer is never, or, until they’re 18. They can cuss when they can keep themselves from doing it in front of me or anyone else who will get them in trouble for it.
My nephew is eight. He gets away with damn and hell and, sometimes, ass.
I don’t use real swear words, nor does my husband, and there will never be a point when I think it’s just fine for my kids to swear. (I am partial to dang, rats, and heck.)
Some words are supposed to be offensive and uncivil. That’s what they mean, and they’re meant to offend. I see no point in pretending that words aren’t powerful; they are, and that’s a good thing. Claiming “they’re only words” is just trying to get away with offending someone while refusing to take responsibility for what comes out of your mouth (and mind).
I can’t bring myself to care too much about bad language, although I have had occasional conversations with my seven year old son to make sure he knows that certain words are inappropriate for certain contexts. Apparently they don’t always sink in, because he recently brought home a worksheet from first grade - he’d used “damit” as a word to describe an emotion in a picture. I think that “angry” is probably what the teacher was looking for, though!