At what point is a creditor calling considered harrassment?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

Still and all, refinancing may be worth looking into. Interest rates have gone down by a little over a point in the last 18 months (historical mortgage rates, if anyone’s interested), and even if you can’t get a substantially better rate (due to current credit woes), seems like you ought to be able to get some cash out. Worst that can happen is they turn you down, or quote an outrageously high rate (which you decline), in which case you’re no worse off than before, other than having invested ten minutes on the phone.

I know that thinking about money troubles and trying to do something about them is pretty stressful, and it sounds like you really don’t need more stress in your life right now. The whole process is not as nerve-wracking and time consuming as you might fear, though. Good luck.

82

(not to be cynical or anything. Sorry about that.)

83

I’m sure you have other stuff on your mind right now, what with the surgery coming up. It’s quite alright.

84

//I don’t know how long you’ve been living with the boxes, but if it’s been a while, then trash them all without opening them. If you needed anything you couldn’t find, you would have bought a replacement by now. Trash them all. Now. Get a friend with a truck and take them all to the dump.//

I can’t do that. Here is the reason: I have no idea where the video tape of my son’s birth is (and no, it wasn’t graphic. It doesn’t show that part) I don’t know where the photo albums of him as a child are. I don’t know where any of the photo albums from when I was growing up are. I don’t know where the artwork that Sonia gave me before she died is. I don’t know where the jewelry and other things I got from my grandmother after she died is. There is too much stuff missing that has too great a personal value to just chuck out the boxes. I know that stuff is in there somewhere.
I bookmarked the flylady site.

//My point -which I agree is moot now- was, that had you payed $50 the first month, your consequent payments would not have been $50, but perhaps $10 or $15.//

Those were the months that I couldn’t afford to pay anything.

//That van might be the instant solution to your cash problems.//

It isn’t worth that much.

//Your reaction then shouldn’t be to ridicule what they suggest. No matter what way you look at it, if money is what you need and your business isn’t doing well, then the rational choice is to abandon said business and get a job that renders income NOW, not in 5 years. The emotional choice may be a different one, as we can see. But emotions usually don’t solve credit card debts.//

I haven’t ridiculed it. I’ve thanked several people and asked for more information on the suggestions that I thought would work for me.

As for the business… I really don’t think that destroying my business over $3000 of debt is rational.

ANd yes, I’m under and extreme amount of stress right now and I feel way over my head and I don’t see a way out and I’m getting quite depressed and have been for about a month now, since my husband went to Germany. He’s only been back less than a week and we have CPS banging on our door, my surgery coming up, this morning I was threatened with a lawsuit…

time to do the happy dance, I suppose.

And frankly, given that my surgery is happening 2 months late because of someone on the net interfering with my surgeon, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone from here got involved and ruined the rest of my life as well. Maybe this thread should be deleted.

85

Gahh!

Care to share?

86

Opal, you’re a good lady, and you’ll get through this.

The best thing to do is not to do nothing, but rather to do little bits. Little baby steps will get things sorted out. You can’t do much physical while you’re recovering from surgery, but you might be able to make a few little plans, amd maybe sell a few little bits and pieces. You won’t make the $3000 overnight, but you’ll make $20 here and $50 there. I think Coldfire’s advice to sell the van is not a bad one at all. You’ll get a few hundred bucks for it if not $3000.

Same thing with clearing out the house when you get fit (and husband can help while you’re recovering). Baby steps. One box at a time. Keep the valuable stuff, and chuck the rest away. It is important to keep the house clean for you, for your little lad (who is utterly adorable, btw) and for your sense of pride.

There are three really good things about doing things in little steps.

  1. You take it one step at a time, and focis on that one small thing. It doesn’t seem like an insurmountable mountain any more.
  2. It gives you a sense of control. Things feel a lot better when you know you’re headed in the right direction.
  3. Other people can see you’re doing something. You’ll give a much better account of yourself by doing something, however small. Moving slowly and gently in the right direction is MUCH better than standing still and doing nothing.

I would imagine that you could run your online business 3 or 4 days a week and get a part time job for 1, 2, 3 days a week. It’s hard, I know, especially when you’re depressed.

Best of luck, Mrs Opal.

87

OpalCat didn’t you just spend something like $10,000 fixing your teeth? I understand that your teeth needed fixing, but in all that you couldn’t spend $100 to pay a past due credit card bill, you couldn’thave one less crown done, something? You’re getting sarcastic and defensive, but you’re the one that has put yourself in this situation. You’ve made choices, including owning your own business and working from home. Sometimes you have to consider that long-term effects of those choices. And sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do things you don’t want, like temporarily giving up your dream of working for yourself.

You sound defensive, even though people are only giving you advice you asked for. I know it can seem hopeless sometimes, but not doing anything because it all seems like too much is fatal. If what you’re doing right now isn’t working (and it doesn’t seem like it is) then you have to do something else, even if it’s hard, even if it’s not what you want to do. In blunt words, you have to grow up.

StG

88

StGermain despite any accuracy in your post, I really don’t think that this was the best time to post it.

The whole “Kicking a Person When They’re Down” thing, if ya know what I mean.

Opal - hang in there. $250 of credit card debt is not the worst thing in the world. You’re improving your health, you’re working on something you love, you have a good man, and a good son, and everything will work out. And if you wind up with a blemish on your credit report, oh well. Shit happens.

Everyone goes through bad spells, and this is yours.

89

Could hubby clean out the boxes while you’re out of action? If you have CPS pounding on the door, then cleaning up the place is probably an even more urgent priority than the credit card debt.

90

oh, my. i just enrolled with ameridebt. is there anyway i can get out of the contract? there is a cccs here that i could have gone with but i thought all non profits were the same and a financial advisor recommened ameridebt.

91

Opal, I have so been in your shoes. Well, I sorta still AM, in many ways.

Relatively small debt that is nevertheless overwhelming on a monthly basis: check.
Housekeeping issues: CHECK. Oh yes, indeed. All of it: piles of clothes in the basement; falling-apart boxes, cat and dog messes. If I wasn’t sure, I’d suspect that you were…well, me.

Now: What has happened in the past is moot at this point. Whether or not you should have/should not have spent money on other things, sent in $10 extra, whatever–not relevent for this issue–relevant, perhaps, to your future actions, but right now, you gotta deal with today.

First off: you are having major surgery, and you have to put this all on hold. Take a deep breath and accept that you will not be able to fix this until after you get back on your feet. It’s not going to get much worse in the next few weeks. So focus first on getting yourself physically healthy.

Second: (Okay, do this asap, and THEN take that deep breath, etc). Write them a letter and tell them, basically, what scylla–I think it was scylla–said. Tell them to quit contacting you, to close your account, and advise them that you have just had major surgery, you are on as tight a budget as you can manage, and you will send them a minimum of (you fill in the $) per month. Thank you, sincerely, opalcat. That should stop the phone calls.

Third: Your house is overwhelming you. I understand completely…I have written enough about this in my own life on these boards that anyone who knows me via the SD would be properly afraid to visit me. I have not even attempted to refinance for the very same reasons you mention–I’m scared to death that someone will actually VISIT my house. (Plus, our payment history isn’t great, and I wonder if they wouldn’t refinance due to that?)
Taking control of that house is going to take a long time. Again, give yourself permission to heal first, and to fix this slowly. If the boxes are too overwhelming, pick a small pile and deal with it. Even if it’s only shoebox-sized, it will make a tiny dent, and you can then look at that spot and feel that you have made a bit of progress. Try to do just a few minutes each day–if I’m having a rough day, I literally work for five minutes and then take a break, and most importantly: I don’t feel guilty about it. I’m doing what I can, there is no one else here to do it (although the boys are a huge help), and I’m the only one who can be the judge of what I’m capable of.

I’ve done just this with my house. It’s taking a looong time, but now I can admit people into the living room and even sometimes the kitchen of my home. It’s messy, but it’s not call-cps-and-save-the-children bad, you know? And I finally started kenneling the peeing dog, so that helps; and the sick smelly cat is scheduled for surgery next month. Whoohoo!

As far as earning extra dough…what if you sold your teeshirts on ebay and just had them shipped per normal procedure? Is there enough of a profit margin? Are there thrift stores, etc you can hit, for ebay items? If nothing else, please email me (if you actually have read this far, heh), and I might have an idea that would definitely bring in a bit of ebay cash. (I’m taking a break from selling my regular items, but they sell well, if you wanna take it over for a while–and it won’t cost you.)

I’m sorry you feel so stressed. I know how things can snowball on you, and I’m around most of the time if you want to email or im me.

Hang in there, it really can get better.

Best,
karol

92

You know what else? I may not get much agreement on this, but I’d consider it, at least.
You have a lot of online friends…people who know you, understand your circumstances, and can easily empathize.
I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for tiny loans from some of those friends. I’m talking about $10 or $15 per person here. Explain your situation, make a serious commitment to pay back every dime, and put yourself on the line. It’s not a big amount, and having been in your shoes before, I’d gladly contribute that much to help someone else avoid the continued stress. I’m willing to bet that the response you get would be positive.
I’ve seen programs like this for helping farmers save their property…they sit down, make a list of friends/aquaintances/other people who have been in the program, and start making calls, borrowing anywhere from $100 or so up…when it’s all added up, they are back on track.
It could work, and might be worth considering, at least.
k

93

No, my mom paid for it.

94

Actually, I’m getting pretty seriously depressed. I’m managing to hold onto a thin thread of sanity, but that could snap any moment. My medication can only do so much.

You may want to conduct this poll of the SDMB members:

Opal getting depressed is a good thing.
Opal getting depressed is a scary, bad, bad, bad, very bad, not good thing.

Something I should mention: this stuff started late last spring. Prior to that we were ok. It started during the time I was having my teeth done, though it may or may not have been related. It’s not like we’ve been living a horrible and impoverished life for a long time. This is temporary, it just seems overwhelming and bleak.

95

That wasn’t really my intention, Alice. But no matter what anyone suggested, OpalCat seemed to have a reason why it wouldn’t work. Basically, the only thing that will work is if she makes some changes, both mentally and fiscally. IMHO, of course.

StG

96

I didn’t realize you were having major surgery tomorrow. I imagine it’s the one you referred to in a pit thread a few months back. Good luck with it and I hope it will help you feel more in control of your life. I know that depression feeds on itself and sometimes it’s so hard to see the light in the giant abyss. Having some control, even if it’s surgically induced, may be what you need to hoist yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with it.

One positive is that you are not in THAT bad of a financial bind. I know people who are tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. A few hundred bucks of debt is not that huge of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Your situation can improve greatly once you’re back on your feet. Another positive is that you’re young. Thirdly, you and your husband, from what I know, are two bright and creative people. That puts you light years ahead of a lot of people and I know you can solve these problems.

I personally think you’re doing the right thing by not doing anything right at this moment. You shouldn’t make career and life-altering decisions when you are: a) depressed; and b) facing surgery. It can wait a few weeks until you’ve recovered.

Once you feel up to it, let us know how the surgery went. All the other issues (house, CPS, career, credit) can be addressed once you clear that hurdle. Of course, we Dopers are chock full of solicited advice and sometimes unsolicited advice. Unfortunately as well meaning as we might be, we can’t give real hugs or replace a live person holding your hand.

Good luck tomorrow.

97

Opal, I’m barely making ends meet with my car payment and 25 hours a week at work, but I got more hours. If you have Pay-Pal I’d be happy to send you some money to help get you out of your hole. E-mail me

98

Folks, just a reminder. While we all sympathise with OpalCat’s financial (and currently other) troubles, this board can not be used as a means to raise money in this case. While all of you undoubtedly mean well, I suggest you e-mail OpalCat directly (her address is in her profile) to offer your help. Thanks.

99

Why not? Hasn’t it been allowed for other people? :confused:

100

Errrr, no?

Just to be clear: no blame lies on OpalCat here, she didn’t ask for any money. But if I see people posting stuff like “e-mail me if you need some money”, then that’s just a little too much. E-mail the poster directly, and offer your help - that’s great. Just don’t make the board a part of the chain when it comes to financial loans and gifts.