That’s what I get for trying to go off of memory.
If you’re getting married in a Catholic church (in a mass or not), you HAVE to choose scripture readings for the service.
Secular or other poems/readings are not an allowed option for reading. No ifs ands or buts.
I’m quite surprised that the local church is allowing this. In the eyes of the church you’re marrying as part of a faith community.
Catholic churches won’t let you do that.
They won’t let you use any version of the Bible other than theirs, either.
Just to make clear, there are 2 distinct questions: 1) why would non-catholics wish to be married in a catholic church/ceremony; and 2) does the catholic church allow non-believers to be married in their churches?
From what I was told by my priest during our pre-marriage counseling (That was the first time we talked to him. Then we saw him twice more to discuss our compatibility tests, and then we went to a relationship class, and in a couple of weeks we need to see him again), at least one partner has to be Catholic (I am, my intended is not) and the couple has to promise to raise the children Catholic and the non-believer must not interfere with the believer’s church goings. I think the Catholic church figures that sooner or later the non-believer will convert.
Now, I never heard of two non-believers getting married in the church. I can understand why they want to, or at least the non-believing Catholic does. There’s a lot of tradition and ceremony involved. It can make it more meaningful to the party.
What’s funny is, at first my fiancée didn’t really care about getting married in the church, but as time went on it started meaning more and more to her. She likes the whole “marriage is a covenant, not a contract” thing.
Actually, not in this case. The Catholic Church considers the Sacrament of Marriage to be older than the Church itself and doesn’t require the celebrants to be Catholic in order to have a Catholic celebration. The explanation I heard from the then-Father-General of the Jesuits re. this was that the Church’s point of view is that the Sacrament happens between the celebrants whether they’re Catholic or not, that performing the ceremony in a Catholic environment involves pre-marriage counseling (and, in some cultures, a place where the intended can speak private and sincerely) which can be extremely useful for any couple so long as the counselor isn’t a complete ass, and that there’s no injunction against blessing a non-Catholic (or two, or the union thereof).
Corinthians II has several nice bits, as well as the one that’s been mentioned, which is a classic. The most-common Gospel is probably the Wedding at Cana. I know someone who specifically asked to have Joseph’s Vision, because the bride had a child: they wanted to use the reading to emphasize that this wasn’t a joining of two people into a family, but of three; this was particularly important to him as some of his relatives were being a pain about the kid.
Just to offer a little defence here. My wife and I are both atheist and we wanted to get married in her home (tiny) church.
Why? two reasons. Firstly, it is picturesque. Perched on the edge of the North-Yorks moors and dating back to Norman times.
Secondly, it means that if our children wish to choose an equally aesthetically pleasing venue then at least they’ll have this one in their pocket.
The religious element meant nothing, pretty words by well meaning people. We mentally inserted our own secular translation, no harm done.
I know that makes us hypocrites but we didn’t and don’t care. Nor did anyone else at the service.
Of course the big difference is that this was C of E. I bet no more than 10% of those present were “religious” in any sense so what we did is par for the course in the UK.
I say…do what makes you feel good, do what makes you happy. You are two people professing their love in front of friends and family. If any church has a problem with that well…that speaks volumes about them.
Shake things up a bit… try Ezekiel 23 for a reading, verse 20 in particular speaks deeply of married life.
Most agnostics/atheists cna find things they don’t object to in Proverbs. Just read it as if it were a collection of poetry and wise sayings. (Which it is.)
Wow. I wasn’t expecting the pile on here.
We decided to get married in a church because her entire family is pretty staunchly Catholic.
We considered not a non-Catholic ceremony but elected not to as it would be awkward for her family as well as some members of my family. Everyone would go along with it and be happy for us but without doubt there would be loads of murmurings and gossip. Her family doesn’t know I’m atheist and isn’t aware of her doubt. Right before the wedding isn’t the time broach the subject of our non-beleif. That and her parents offered to pay for the cathedral which was very generous. We love the building, location, et al.
Sure, it is selling out but it doesn’t bother me. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools and was confirmed whern I was 16 or so.
No, the deacon doesn’t know. Basically I said I was confirmed, still believe and will have kids.
Oh yeah, I realize that. I’ve been to dozens of Catholic weddings. I have no problem with references to God. Just wanted something that read well and wasn’t too over the top with mentions of “his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down” and the ilk.
Good idea! Will definitely check that out.
UH-huh… you do knot, that, apart from your directly lying to his face, you’re pretty much utterly disrespecting her whole family with the pretense. I don’t particularly like you dropping your faith, but this is a gross disrespect to the entire Church, which I take grave exception to. You two have absolutely no business getting married in a Church with a solemn religious ceremony you apparently have no intention of honoring.
The OP is strange in their choice. Your church’s pedophile priests and hated of gays are the only actual gross disrespect going on here.
I sympathize with her, I really do. I grew up Christian and converted to Judaism. Telling my family about that was not easy. When I was a teenager (long before I considered converting to Judaism), I lost my faith in Christianity, but didn’t tell my parents, and went along with going to church anyway to make things easier.
But this issue is not going to go away after the wedding. I promise you that. There are going to be murmurings and gossip if you don’t go to church. There may be some if you don’t have children, or don’t have them right away. If you do have them, there will be a shitstorm if you don’t raise them Catholic, or possibly even if you don’t raise them Catholic enough.
Your choice here is to live a lie for much of your life, or to come clean with the family members who might object to you not being Catholic any more. I’d say the latter is the more grown-up option, and is the one that will leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run.
I still think this is a problem. You should have told the deacon the truth.
Marriage is a serious undertaking, and it’s not the time to be vowing something you have no intention of upholding.
Funny! I know some people who would love to have such a ceremony and would honor it for a lifetime, but the Church discriminates against them and so they can’t have the same wedding this couple can have on demand.
Wow. So why didn’t you just ask for some ideas for wedding readings? Why go into all that “I’m an atheist and my bride is very nearly, too”? I understand you don’t mind going ahead with this charade, this fraud on the church and her family, since FIL2b is doing the paying and it’s a nice venue, (a cathedral!!! :rolleyes:) but why tell us? You’ve been on the boards long enough to know that was not going to pass unremarked upon!
So what’s your plan? To announce after dad’s spent all that money on a nice Catholic wedding that you and the bride are no longer Catholic, or even religious? I guarantee that will not be well-received. Both you and your bride need to do some serious growing up before you even consider marriage.
This thread is making me question my faith in the SDMB. There have been threads about peeing on animals with less judgment than this one.
The OP is jumping through some hoops he doesn’t believe in in order to keep the peace with he bride’s family. Last I checked, you aren’t required to tell virtual strangers the state of your belief in God. Frankly, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for the Catholic church here, since they basically blackmail people into signing the document promising to raise the kids Catholic.
God forbid someone tell a white lie to an institution not known for placing a high price on honesty when it suits its own purposes.
Actually, if the church knew the truth, they wouldn’t be getting married their either.
So if a gay couple can have one member do as convincing an imitation of the opposite sex as our OP is doing of being Christian, the Catholic church will marry them in a farcical, meaningless, terribly offensive ceremony as well.
(Another who left the Catholic church rather than disrespect it by participating in something I didn’t believe in.)
I will tell the OP something else, from my personal experience. Dreading telling my family that I was converting to Judaism was worse than actually telling them. That’s a cliche, but it was true in my case.
A lot of people involved with prospective converts to Judaism advise telling your family as early in the process as possible. It makes them feel alienated if they find out you’ve been keeping something like this a secret from them for a long time.
I’m not Catholic.
I just don’t think pretending to be religious to “keep the peace with the bride’s family” is the way to go here. Better to be open and honest, deal with the mutterings and gossip (which I’m 90% certain won’t be as bad as the OP thinks they will), and wait for the whole thing to die down.
I’ve been there, saying non-committal stuff to family members so as to not have to tell them I don’t go to church any more. It sucks. It’s better to get it out in the open and get it over with, and I am saying this as a procrastinator who abhors confrontations.
I don’t think they’ll be bad either. I married my atheist husband in front of a JP. My very Catholic family didn’t even blink.
We did have a small wedding with very few people in attendance (and a huge reception) because we chose to be married in chambers.
I was still nominally Catholic when I married him, which is one of the reasons I find it so offensive that people would use the church to get the wedding they want. Stand up for what you believe in. And show a small amount of respect what you don’t believe in - especially when its important to those who are important to you. The OP is doing neither.