Getting married in a few months and it’s time we picked out the readings. This will be in a Catholic church but won’t be the full mass and a deacon will be doing the ceremony. I’m an atheist and my fiancé is well short of belief if not a card carrying member of the atheist club.
I didn’t think we would have a hard time finding a few good choices for the reading but I don’t see much that appeals to us. I figure the esteemed dopers here would have some good recommendations in their pocket for us. We love the Ecclesiastes verse in Pete Seeger’s Turn Turn Turn but that doesn’t read well. Any and all suggestions appreciated!
I like Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - it’s a bit short though.
9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone.
12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him: and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
If you (or you and she) do not intend to do justice to the undertaking that you are going to be required formalistically to commit to – that you will raise any children in the Catholic faith – then I think you are doing both yourselves and the Church an (unnecessary) injustice. Your OP doesn’t touch on that, but if you have such systemic problems with the (accepted) Scriptures – it seems you might have (very-principled) reasons for being unable to make that commitment. I trust your local diocese at least asked if you could make the commitment. If scripture readings at a fancy dress Sacrament pose an issue – how much more would it pose a problem when the time comes to send your kids to CCD for First Confession?
If you don’t intend that you will raise “real” Catholic kids (either of you) – don’t insult yourselves and the Church by an elaborate ceremony based on the idea that you will. That’s okay – we’ll still respect your commitment-love.
Didn’t you go over this during your Pre Cana sessions?
That is, if you are full-blown atheist, and formally reject the notion of a higher being and the worship that it entails and your fiancé leans the same way, why on earth would you want a Catholic wedding?
No offense really but why not pursue a civil ceremony that would more closely reflect your personal beliefs on the matter than what appears to be –sorry, no other way to put it- a complete sham?
Agnostic here, I’m curious why you chose the venue as well. I’ve often contemplated where such a ceremony would take place for myself and a SO and determined a church would not be it. They don’t hold special meanings for me and it would be religious. I’d go to the courthouse if I thought my SO would stay with me :D.
Write your own vows. If your wedding is supposed to mean something to you, why would you read words that don’t?
Another one who’s curious why an atheist and near-atheist would get married in a Catholic church. Is it to appease family members? Don’t you consider that selling out? Does the participating deacon know of your beliefs?
It is weird that they would let you do that. My fiancee and I are doing married prep. I’m Catholic and she is an unbaptized Christian and the preist made it a point to explain to her what exactly that all entailed.
Either way, one line from the Bible I like is fromm, I think Samuel 6.3: I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.
I’m an atheist who married in a Catholic church, but I did so because my wife was and still is a Catholic. If you are both atheists or agnostics, then I don’t see the point: you should have a non-church wedding.
I’d be willing to bet that it’s to appease either his or his fiancée’s family. And if it’s not the full ceremony (conducted by deacon instead of a priest) couldn’t that mean that they didn’t have to go the full Pre-Cana route?
At any rate, my go-to reading is Elisha and the bear, so maybe you shouldn’t ask me.
Wow! I’ll bet you sure weren’t expecting all this, were you? I agree, though, with the posters above. (Raised Catholic, but now, I’m simply Unlabeled.) I was married in a Methodist Church years ago, because at the time I was a Methodist. My daughters are not religious. One was married on a beach, one in Las Vegas.
Since neither one of you particularly cares about religion in general, or Catholicism in particular, what difference does it make what is read? Read the telephone book. :rolleyes:
Or you could be adults about it and get married where it actually means something to you.
I got married two years ago as a Catholic, and they gave us this handy-dandy booklet that was the most common scripture readings for weddings. You can, of course, pick anything you like, but the church should be able to provide you with something like that.
Gotta say I’m curious too. You do realize that the non-mass wedding is still a scripted religious ceremony and will be full of references to God? If you’re okay with that then I would think it would be easy to find Bible readings that appeal to you on a allegorical level
As someone who left the Catholic faith rather than be a hypocrite, I’m going to join the pile-on. If you and your fiance take your values seriously, why get married in a church? And have you discussed this with the deacon? Is he a personal friend, or someone you picked out of the phone book?
On the other hand, if there’s some reason you want to get married in that church (maybe there’s a sentimental reason?) and the deacon is okay with marrying non-believers, then I suggest you just shut up and use a generic reading. The service will be over in 15 minutes.
That’s actually Song of Songs 6:3. There are a lot of good passages in there. I particularly like 8: 6-7:
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy* unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
*Some translations have ‘ardour’ instead of ‘jealousy’.
There are Ruth’s immortal words to her friend Naomi in Ruth 1:16-17:
“Entreat me not to leave thee or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people and thy God my God. Where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.”
Jesus speaks about marriage in Mark 10:6-9:
“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female’. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no-one separate.”
I second statsman’s recommendation. I also really like the verses right before and after that passage (though the first part could be a bit too religious for your taste). If you wanted to, you could expand it a bit and make it 1 Corinthians 13:1-8:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or angels but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
Good luck with your wedding. I hope you find something you like for the readings.