There are stages of grief. They’re well documented and easy to find on google. If anyone can find a study that shows conclusively that either believers or non-believers grieve longer or deeper than the other, I’d be interested in seeing it.
Not having a go - I’d seriously be interested in the findings.
I’ve grieved to varying degrees for relatives, friends and even the occasional beloved pet. I can’t think of any particular thing that gave me comfort except the idea that “this too, shall pass.” Even at that, I’m not sure if I meant the grief itself would eventually fade or as a reminder that all life is fleeting.
My own eventual death doesn’t skeeve me out - it’s a part of living. As Peter Pan said, “To die? That will be an awfully big adventure” - even if there’s nothing on the other side of it.
I grieve…but I also realize that some of the lessons that have been taught to me by that individual will remain with me for the rest of my life. Some of those same lessons are being passed to others, making a part of what made that person in life, part of lives that go on.
Too, what the OP and others have said about returning to the earth and continuing the cycle gives me comfort. All in all, I’ve done better with tragedy since losing my religion.
There are two types. When someone old or sick dies, I’m comforted that this is the way of nature. My mother died quickly, and my mother-in-law also died fairly quickly just after she had a wonderful 90th birthday celebration. Tragedies? I’m not sure. But I am getting old enough to appreciate that I’ll one day decide to pass the torch. Dying is not always a tragedy.
I haven’t had many real tragedies - maybe no god loves me. But it seems to me to be more comforting to understand that shit happens, and that some people get in the way of the shit by ill fortune, than to think that some deity planned for them to die. Children dying as victims of geologic process - unmindful and purely natural, is horrible, but less so that them dying because of a god’s design. There is no good answer to the “why” question, but as an atheist I don’t even have to ask it.
I don’t think about tragedy like that very much. When I do, I don’t really “cope” with it, I just get sad and angry at how meaningless it is. I haven’t found a good way to find comfort after death, but I haven’t had to deal with it very much.
I guess you could describe my feelings about the death of a loved one the same way you can describe my feelings toward anything else that is suddenly destroyed or removed from my life, but just magnified. When my TV breaks and I have to buy a new one, there’s no comfort to be had anywhere. It’s just a shitty situation that makes me angry and frustrated and upset, and only time can eventually make those feelings go away. That’s the same way I felt when my grandfather died suddenly, but on a smaller scale.
I get strength, reassurance, sympathy and assistance from the people around me. Most of them, in turn, lean on the religious crutch, and that’s OK for them. But in times of crisis and grief, I can’t stand to be alone. The good thing about my lack of belief in an all-powerful God is that I don’t waste time wondering why, deluding myself that it’s God’s will, or any of that. I hold tight to the people who are important to me and draw strength and comfort from them.
That’s what I came here to say. Believers and atheists might have different intellectual responses to tragedy, but I think the gut reaction is going to be pretty much the same for most people.
My basic reaction to coping with tragedy is to get out all the feelings I can, whatever they are, and to spend time with friends.
I can’t really see how religious beliefs are all that helpful. It seems to me that people who claim to believe in heaven must not really quite believe it. Otherwise, it would seem that someone’s death would be a cause for celebration, which it clearly isn’t. At best, there’s some sort of hollow consolation: “Well, she’s in a better place.” Then the tears (literally or metaphorically) start again. Of course, some people do celebrate, but it’s a way to deal with the grief, not an expression that grief is absent.
Likewise, there’s no particular help to be found in religion for helping one miss the person less. They’re gone, you’re here, there’s a hole where they used to be, and there’s nothing god or anyone else can do to fill it. There’s only time, which gradually smooths things out.
So, I just cope with it by seeing it for what it is. The person is dead. It sucks that they had to be sick, wreck their car, whatever. It sucks that they couldn’t have more life. I’m glad, if they were sick, that they don’t have to go through that anymore. I go to the memorial service to say goodbye, and share my grief with others. I miss them. I remember them. It’s the way life is.
If there’s any significant difference from how I deal and how a religious person deals, I have so far failed to discern it.
My friend and neighbor died in a car accident Monday morning. He was 32. I personally have finished a fifth of rum as of last night. I have more for this weekend and for after the funeral. My other neighbors can and bottle recycling bins were more full than normal this morning as well.
But it seems to me to be more comforting to understand that shit happens, and that some people get in the way of the shit by ill fortune, than to think that some deity planned for them to die. Children dying as victims of geologic process - unmindful and purely natural, is horrible, but less so that them dying because of a god’s design. There is no good answer to the “why” question, but as an atheist I don’t even have to ask it.