I’m an agnostic. My response to the sufferer would be different if that person knew of my agnosticism than it would be if we were relative strangers and he just assumed I was a believer. In the first case I would just offer my best wishes, and, if possible, my help. In the second instance I would just nod and give a kind of “what he said” grunt to Tris’s offer of a prayer.
I had one stranger who heard of my mother’s cancer offer to have her prayer group pray for Mom. I certainly wasn’t insulted, but took it as a gesture of goodwill and said “Thank you.” If that same woman had asked me to pray for her, I would probably have just nodded and grunted, or said something noncommittal like, “You’ll be in my thoughts.” I saw no need to educate this person on my and my mother’s agnosticism.
Prayer does come up frequently in my household, where five unrelated seniors live together in a shared house. Three of my housemates are religious, and one is as much an agnostic as I am. When we have dinner together, which happens at any excuse to have a dinner, the three who are believers join hands around the table with the two “uns” and we all bow our heads while one of the religious ones says a prayer. Sometimes I even say “amen.” I admit to being mildly uncomfortable in these situations, but they don’t last long and they do promote good feeling in the house in general.
If any of the riligious three asked me to pray for them, knowing my disbelief, I would take it unkindly. We all get along because we respect each other’s belief or lack thereof.
Well, generally, because I do believe in Jesus Christ, and do believe He is a whole lot smarter, and wiser than I am, I tend to leave details out of my prayers. Why pray for what I think will be good for my friend, instead of praying that the Lord Himself make that determination, and give him what will truly provide for him a change that will end the suffering I have seen that brought me to make this prayer in the first place?
“Lord, Jesus, who is Christ, the son of God, have mercy upon thy servant Kalhoun.”
That pretty much exhausts my entire authority over your being, and my own belief makes it plain that it satisfies my own need to implore, without feeling like I am nagging. I find nagging God to be disquieting.
Since, to paraphrase Bierce, prayer is asking that the Lord of the Universe annull His own laws on behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy, I would say that I would be glad to do anything I could to help alleviate my friend’s suffering, but that rules out prayer as a useful tool.
Or, to quote Bret Harte, “The Creator who could put a cancer in a believer’s stomach is above being interfered with by prayers.”
I’d be somewhat uncomfortable, I imagine. I’d reply along the lines of “I don’t pray, I’m an atheist. But I’d willing to whatever else might be feasible for me to do to help.” I wouldn’t feel the need to point out that I thought prayer would be of no help because I’d think that would be obvious from the statement that I’m an atheist. I would respond that way because I think that an acknowledgement of a probable fundamental difference in our perception of how the world works might be important in considering what steps might be taken to alleviate the suffering. (This does not mean that I would enter into a unsolicited debate or sermon about the existence or non-existence of God — even, perhaps especially, if the suffering happened to be mental anguish over just such a question. That would strike me as futile and unwarranted.)
As far as someone praying for me goes: what someone else does in the privacy of their own mind is entirely up to them. I myself probably spend entirely too much time thinking about baseball, magnolia and apple blossoms, sex, the fine salt scent of the sea, crows, seagulls, sandwiches, poetry, video games, coffee and various other things in combinations which have little or no meaning to anyone other than me.
That gift of respectfulness of the sacred is what I aspire to, but I don’t know as muc about other cultures as you do. (I honestly don’t think that most Christians think of God as white-bearded and white-robed, but maybe that is an easy way out.)
But you have given me an idea. I think that what I would need from another person is not necessarily a prayer, but a gift of their creativity or talent. It could even be complete silence. It could be stacking rocks or writing a song or creating a daisy chain or putting bread crumbs in the snow for the birds – something that has meaning for that person or rejuvenates in some way.
I most certainly wouldn’t be offended at someone practicing aspects of their religion when I was around. I actually see this as almost a non-event. Atheists frequently wander around practicing their beliefs so I don’t think it’s a big deal for a religious person to.
I wouldn’t join in or feel embarrassed at the situation but would express my sympathy to a friend in trouble. If the sufferer wanted help I would likely offer something of a more practical nature and if I was unable then perhaps refer them to someone I thought might help even if that might just be talking to a counsellor or leader of their religion.