Attention, Vending Machine Filling Guy

The BBQ Pit
1

To the guy who’s supposed to be making “regularly scheduled” visits to fill our vending machine:

You suck at your job. You suck at your job more than anyone has ever lived that has sucked at their job. You are the Chicago Cubs of vending machine filling people.

Rod Blagojevich was a better governor than you are a vending machine filling person. If there is a hall of fame for people that suck at their jobs, you would be the statue standing out in the front. A statue of you looking lost with a case of 20 oz Diet Coke, wondering what the fucking hell you should be doing with it. (Bringing it here)

Even Fox News says you suck at your job, and you know how often they’re right about stuff? Well, this time they’re right. My cat is better at EMPTYING his litter box than you are at filling the vending machine.

There are probably Frenchmen better at fighting wars than you are at filling vending machines. Indiana needs vending machine filling people - go there, you’ll probably only half-suck there. No I take that back, you would even suck there. Sorry Indiana.

Jesus once told a parable about a man who was so bad at his job that even jesus his own self could not forgive him. You heard this one? It’s called the motherfucking parable of the stupid ass vending machine filling person that totally blew at his job.

Oswald was shooting at you and hit the president instead. Yeah, that’s your fault too.

If you look closely at Rubens’ “The Rape of the Sabine Women”, you’ll see in the detail a particularly gruesome unspeakable act being committed against a mysterious figure in a work shirt and a baseball cap. That is you - being violated with the Sabines. As you deserve.

You are beyond redemption. You are the Gollum of vending machine filling people.

There are 33 MILLION gods in the hindu religion. I took a poll, and all but four agreed that you are the person in the world that most deserves to be god-less. 32,999,996 Hindu gods have rejected you.

You suck. You suck balls. Don’t even bother bringing the Diet Coke now, it’s too late. You would probably bring us the bottles with the rat shit from the warehouse stuck to the caps. Because you suck that bad at your simple stupid, mindless job, you shit hole of a vending machine filling person.

2

Hands Man With a Cat a diet coke.

3

Soooo. Suffering from caffeine withdrawal?

4

It’s not about the product it’s about the service.

Ok, I lied. It’s about that 1 PM pre-coffee fix.

5

Picked a bad day to quit Diet Coke.

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Hey, I feel ya. My vending machine at work was out of Diet Coke today, too!! Ugggg!

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  1. Tis a thing of beauty.
  2. Whyfor not in Pit?
  3. Opalist.
8

10 out of 10. You totally stuck the landing.

9

I only have one word for times when the vending machine is out of Diet Coke:

INJUSTICE!

10

Be brave - try Diet Pepsi instead!

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blasphemer

Utter not a word against our lady of the diet waters.

12

My office has Diet Coke for free. :cool:

13

He may not have that option. For a long time, Coke had the exclusive contract to supply vending machines here on campus and then someone wised up and decided there actually were people who drank Pepsi products and now we have both.

14

Be glad that the machine isn’t dropping an entirely wrong soda if not closed juuuust right after being filled.

15

That was beautiful. Completely fucking beautiful. Far too good for MPSIMS. Off to the Pit for this masterpiece.

Hal Briston - MPSIMS Moderator

16

And the scores are in
9.5, 9.4, 9.7, 9.4 and 4.7

I don’t think the Bulgarians understood your rant properly.

But, nevertheless, bravo!

17

:mad: Dammit, that was the last one in the machine!

18

Very well done! I laughed and laughed and I completely agree with the sentiment. Do not mess with my ability to have a diet soda in the afternoon. It will not be pretty if I’m forced to drink water!

19

See? I *told *you it was as good as Cervaise’s Telemarketer rant!

20

That was beautiful, man.

Um…you don’t live in Jersey or eastern PA do you? A friend of mine is a vending machine filling guy, and while I could believe that he isn’t the Frodo of vending machine filling people, I’d like to think that he’s doing a little better than being the Gollum.