Attire for wedding guests - necessary to specify it's formal?

burundi · October 19, 2008, 1:46am

Reading this thread has convinced me that you may be right. Let me put it this way instead: People in my by no means wealthy or especially sophisticated social circles know that wedding=dress well.

Skald_the_Rhymer · October 19, 2008, 1:52am

I refute you thus:

me:

On Palm Sunday I went to a quasi-family wedding – quasi in that I was not related to the bride or the groom, but the person with whom I went was, and I consider her family, and we always go to family weddings with one anotherso as to provide cover if one of us wants an excuse to leave early. At any rate, it was a ceremony to which I felt some minor obligation to attend but wasn’t especially looking forward to.

That said, it was the best…weddig…ever. In the sense that best = funniest.

The first thing that was noteworthy was the attire of the groom and groomsmen. Each of them was wearing the traditional tuxdo, or rather 95 percent of a tux. The 5 percent that was missing, though, was the tie. This was a trifle surprising, but ey,lots of guys hate ties, right?

But ah, that was the beginning. You see, the best man, in addition to eschewing the tie, also chose to wear his shirt unbuttoned all the way to his belly, perhaps to show off his abs and improve his odds of getting a bridesmaid. You may think that this is something the bride would object to, but her attention was perhaps diverted by the sight of her 7-year-old son sitting in the front row with his grandmother and great-grandmother. The latter relatives were encouraging him to rip open his brand new Ghost Rider action figure and assemble it so he would have something to play with during the service. Sadly, they did not encourage him to pick up the detritus he was creating, instead allowing him to leave bits of Johnny Blaze-themed packing material in the aisles.

The bride’s attention may also have been diverted by the fact that another of the groomsman, perhaps feeling his tux was incomplete without a tie, chose to wear his camouflage hunting cap to make up the differece.

Another item which may have distracted the bride was the choice of music to be played. The pre-ceremony music, playing on tape, was something tradiotional and orchestal; however, when the groom walked down the aisle, the music changed to the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars. I did not recognize the music to which she came down the aisle, but I am told it was the theme to Disney’s Little Mermaid.

The bride’s attire was far more conservative than her groom’s, and both she and her attendants understood the uses of accessories, so there was nothing to mock there. She managed to keep an angelically calm face throughut the proceedings, which was probably made more difficult by the fact that her groom kept chewing his gum throughout the service. No, that’s not entirely true. He chewed his gum while she recited her vows (from memory). But when it was his turn, he dug into his pockets, retrieved what appeared to be a cocktail napkin, stuck the gum on one said of the napkin, and read his vows from the other side.

Oh, and he put the gum back in his mouth when he was done.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, yes. The lighting of the unity candle was delayed when the cassette tape boke in the middle of the song. A frantic search for a replacement ensued, but, alas, no one had thought to bring one. But the bride was a trooper and insisted on continuing. However, by this time her candle had gone out and for some reason could not be relit. So she tried to light the unity candle with the grooms, but not only was that effort unsuccessful, but his candle also went out and would not relight. Even the candle-lighting device failed, as apparently Hephaeastus had turned against this union at this point.

And, as I mentioned, the minister forgot to tell the couple to say “I do” or to say “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Perhaps he was nervous; perhaps he was hoping to make things easier if the bride chose to view any of the above as a sign.

Anaamika · October 19, 2008, 2:13am

Darth Vader is going to have sex with The Little Mermaid? :eek:

I’m sorry, that’s all I got out of that.

Skald_the_Rhymer · October 19, 2008, 2:17am

That particular interpretation had not occurred to me. Now it has, and it is your fault. For my revenge I will point out that Darth’s penis is doubtlessly no more than a blackened stub given stiffness only by the Force, so that that image will be with you always.

Anaamika · October 19, 2008, 2:29am

Better than killer bees.

Skald_the_Rhymer · October 19, 2008, 2:29am

Huh?

Anaamika · October 19, 2008, 2:44am

Better you give me that image than sic your killer bees on me!

Skald_the_Rhymer · October 19, 2008, 2:45am

Oh, yeah. I forgot about the killer bees. You know I only pay attention to what the rest of you guys post; I already know what I think.

Besides, if you did something to merit the bees, I’d just have to release them on somebody else. The precedent was set long ago.

astro · October 19, 2008, 3:11am

I don’t consider myself a complete rube, but to be honest I have never, ever in my life seen or heard of a middle or upper middle class wedding that expected the *guests *to go full “black tie” - attendants, MOHs , best men sure but *guests *…no way.

Maybe at the upper ends of the social stratosphere where everyone has a tux in their closet, this is not a big deal ,but if you are not in this socio-economic cohort meeting the black tie requirement means that a number of people would be renting tuxes for $100-$150 a pop. Unless the circumstances were incredibly compelling a "black tie " wedding is one where I and my wedding present would be missing.

Also anyone who assumes educated people will be able interpret code words for how to dress please don’t. There are lots of people making lots of money who might have one or two suits and are not fashion wise. DON"T ASSUME BE AS EXPLICIT AS POSSIBLE!!

WhyNot · October 19, 2008, 3:46am

A. Tuxedo rentals in the city of Chicago start at $49.99, as of last year. I’m sure it’s even cheaper in places that aren’t Chicago.

B. Cry me a fucking river. Ask your date how much she spends on her dress, shoes, hair, makeup, waxing, manicure…

Cyberhwk · October 19, 2008, 4:24am

My sister hired a local college voice student to sing the processional in her wedding. He showed up on wedding day in a tee-shirt and black jeans. :smack:

astro · October 19, 2008, 4:32am

Your numbers are way off. I’ve had to rent two full tux outfits for black tie affairs in the last 12 months. One for my son’s prom, and one for a business function.

Unless that’s a “polyester special” tux that’s that the cheapest full tux rental I’ve ever heard of. L.A. was 125.00 and Eastern shore of MD was 119.00.

See

So you want to rent a tuxedo?

How much does it cost to rent a tuxedo from Men’s Wearhouse?

Zsofia · October 19, 2008, 5:04am

It’s one of those rules that I guess is sadly falling by the wayside, but the idea is that you don’t wear mourning attire to a wedding. Black evening attire is okay (not fantastic, but many women’s sole evening gowns are black) but black in the afternoon has a funereal appearance. That’s the idea, anyway. It’s really for women, not men.

silenus · October 19, 2008, 5:05am

You know, I don’t think I like anybody enough to wear black tie to their wedding if I wasn’t in it.

Be very specific in the invite, but expect a number of people to decline to attend.

aruvqan · October 19, 2008, 11:20am

RickJay:

I’ve never seen those words used in that context.

Generally, I’ve seen “Formal” used to mean tuxedos and evening gowns. Coats are ties are “Semi formal.”

As to that, I’ve honestly never in my life heard of a wedding where the GUESTS were supposed to dress formally - maybe the family but nobody else. Suits and ties, absolutely, but a tuxedo makes you look like you might kill the groom and take his place. I don’t recall that the guests wore formalwear at the wedding of the Prince and Princess of Wales. The guests aren’t supposed to look as good as the wedding party.

But let’s be honest; you can’t make people know how to dress. Some idiots will always come underdressed, or some fool woman will wear white, or will wear black to a daytime wedding. The nicest wedding I’ve ever been to, my best friend’s, about 90% of the guests were dressed well and 10% appeared to have fallen off a turnip truck the day before. A few morons were in T-shirts, one guy was in jeans, and the groom’s woman coworker came in a black dress (daytime wedding, btw) that made it appear as if she was going to a hooker’s funeral.

Why people find it so goddamned hard to dress like adults, I cannot imagine.

I know that back in 1949 my mom and dad horrified my dads side of the family because they specifed tuxedos - it being 1949 and a lot of my moms relatives and their friends being poor. The tux was the equivalent to todays dressy armani suit. The business suit was the polo shirt and slacks of the time.

Times change. I went to a friends wedding and there was some freaking yahoo there who wore jeans, tshirt and fucking ball cap inside. He also was drinking beer from the bar out of the freaking bottle, he refused the bartender pouring it into a glass. That is red neck picnic behavior, not even casual wedding behavor.

Unsquare_Dance · October 19, 2008, 1:16pm

By all means, specify explicitly what sort of clothing people should wear. Just don’t be shocked when no one shows up.

Lamia · October 19, 2008, 3:34pm

Same here. I’ve never been to or even heard of anyone I am at all acquainted with having a black tie wedding. Maybe big city socialites do that sort of thing, I don’t know, but I absolutely would not expect this was what the couple had in mind unless it said so specifically on the invitation.

At least you can rent a tux, though. A woman who needs a gown is almost certainly going to have to buy a new one. I’ve never even owned a gown myself, and plenty of women last purchased one for their high school prom or MAYBE a college formal dance. If the female black tie invitee has still got her prom gown around it’s unlikely to still fit or still be in style, so off to the store she must go.

Skald_the_Rhymer · October 19, 2008, 6:37pm

I agree with you on the finances, but WhyNot’s point about the expense that women, um, expend on dressing formally still holds.

Nava · October 19, 2008, 7:19pm

Absolutely. Lately in Spain people have gone to wearing nightgowns even for morning-ceremony weddings. If I’m expected to wear one of those, I’m directly not going!