Thanks, ranwashingt and cj for your kind words. I really wasn’t trying to do more than just offer the perspective of someone who has been there and how that has affected my attitude. Upon further reflection, I don’t know if that really added to the discussion of the question and perhaps more appropriate for another group. I’ll figure this group out eventually. In any case, thanks again.
desroscactus, when I’m lucid I do understand that my children need me. I am not always together however. When I’m blinded by the depression I just see me and feel my own pain. All else is extraneous. When I’m climbing towards mania, I see myself as having so much potential and my prior actions while depressed make me angry and my self for being less of a man. I feel that I should be so much more of a father to my children than I am and I’m failing at being a father. I feel my children need a more stable person and my wild erratic mood vaccilations are not doing them any favors. The seething antagonism that me and my ex feel for one another erupts no matter how hard we try to be civil in front of them. How can that be good? When I’m together, I’m really together, but when I’m not, either I think nothing of them, or over analyze them.
I’ll be happy to discuss this further with anyone outside of the topic.
Thanks again one and all.