Australia plans to give herpes to carp. Which Australians should step up to serve their country?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Australia’s plan to fight the overpopulation of carp in their waters is to give the carp herpes.

Which Australians do you think are most qualified to give herpes to carp?
It’s time for heroes to step up and serve their country! Upon whom can Australian depend in this hour of dire need?

Kylie Minogue?
Chris Hemsworth?
Paul Hogan?
Iggy Azalea?
Angus Young?
Abbie Cornish?
Rolf Harris?

Australia desperately needs qualified spreaders of herpes- as many as possible! Who do you think should be drafted?

2

Troy McClure?

3

Murdoch.

4

Hello, I’m actor Troy McClure. You kids might remember me from such educational films as “Lead Paint, Delicious But Deadly” and “Here Comes the Metric System”. I’m here to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner. And now, here’s “Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide To You-Know-What”.

But I categorically deny all those rumors about Gladys the Groovy Mule and I.

5

Bindi Irwin.

6

So, the koalas have chlamydia, the carp are getting herpes… Wasn’t Australia’s wildlife weird enough?

7

I would’ve thought Shane Warne was the obvious answer.

8

If anyone asks, those kangaroos had gonorrhea before I got here. It’s been hopping around like mad these last few months.

9

Though not technically an Aussie, how about Mel Gibson? He got his start there. Us Americans will gladly let you have him back.

10

Won’t this make all fish pulled from their rivers infected and thus dangerous to cook, serve, or eat?

*Please Note; this post makes no judgement as to whether or not you’d want to eat any fish that has just been fucked by… well… Anybody…

11

Or Kanye West.

Some places in the US stock grass carp in an attempt to outcompete the common carp. The former is more likely to be sterile and not take over the waterways.

12

Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe the plan is to wipe out all the carp with smallpox, which is also a type of herpes.

13

Apu?

Oh wait, that’s slurpees.
[Emily Litella]Nevermind.[/EL]

14

The Carp isn’t considered an eating fish in Australia. While very popular in South East Asia, it’s always been considered to taste very bad and to be packed with bones.