OP, kind people all over that story, and kudos on your superb parenting. May I salute your daughter’s courage and determination? What a brave soul!
This lifted my heart. Thanks so much for sharing.
I would like to congratulate your daughter for her bravery and persistence. It must have been so hard to be ambushed by her condition like this yet she kept on until the two of you made it to the clinic.
Wow, thanks for all the replies.
What I figured out after about 6 hours was that my daughter had serious fight or flight reflex kicking in. The door to the van shut was instant flight. Van moving was fight and flight. Going back in the house meant not getting the important vaccine we’ve heard about for a year plus and triggered yet another reaction. Van starting to move was flight. Her brain just kept short circuiting.
I finally figured out in hindsight that for the first poke, when she jumped out of the car about 300 yards from my house. Everyone walked home, I got up from a nap, we jumped in the van and I was massaging her shoulders and she was squeezing my hand, and that over-rided the brain short circuit and made it ok.
Neuro-typical people don’t necessarily understand that autism spectrum are just wired differently. I wish I had figured out what was happening much earlier and saved all of us a lot of drama. You just do the best you can.
When Officer Ian and I got her calmed down and in the van, I had her squeeze my right arm with both hands (and inadvertently dug her fingernails in), and that made it ok. I still have nasty bruising but that is a paltry price to pay.
I got a nice note back from the Chief of Police, who appreciated my email: “Thank you very much for taking the time to send us an email. It is these types of situations that we do pride ourselves on, it shows the human side of what we are here for.” And additonal kind words.
I’ve been meaning to and tomorrow I’ll call the injection center and make sure that the manager knows just how helpful Florinda was!
Thank you for sharing! My experience echoes yours in a lot of ways. (We’re from Seattle, I have a 16 year old on the spectrum, and it’s been quite the journey.)
While my boy is considered “high functioning,” That doesn’t stop him from getting really worried to the point of shutting down over vaccinations. His fight-or-flight isn’t as severe these days as when he was little. It was particularly hard to deal with it though: he needs people to quiet down, give him distance and time, and behave in a mature manner. Kids don’t ever give him that, so the way he reacted to other kids his age was to want to punch them. There’s no hitting at home and we don’t condone violence of any kind, so his behavior was always scary and people often misunderstood. We lost a lot of adult friendships this way, as our kid could not “get along” with their kids. 
As for shots, intellectually, and at some level, he knows it’s no big deal. Unfortunately his terror over the experience outweighs all that, and so every time we go get a shot, it’s a dreadful experience. Now, Wifey and I got our first COVID shot a couple weeks ago, and by the end of this month he’ll be eligible for his. He just doesn’t want to talk about it.
Last time we went to get the flu shot, last fall, I was able to coax him to readiness and have him finally say “OK” to the tech administering the shot, but it was only after a number of refusals. The tech just simply didn’t “get” it and made things a little more difficult than it had to be.
But, yes, there are people out there who truly understand. The woman giving me and wifey our shots is the mother of a very technically-inclined sophomore at Purdue, and this kid has the same issues and anxieties. If we’re lucky, maybe we can get her help when it comes time for my kid to be vaccinated.
That is a good column. I particularly took notice of the sentence on blacking out the meltdowns. My son will not remember what he’s done during a meltdown, which can start ramping the cycle. We have all learned a lot about sensory issues and coping strategies.
This hits home too. When he was younger, my kiddo lost all of his friends due to meltdowns or impulsivity issues. We lost our friendships with their parents (often neighbors). We were able to get him placed in an appropriate school eventually. It was wonderful when he was able to be with people who understood him and make friends.
@China_Guy The experience sounds scary as hell. A meltdown and traffic is frightening. I’m glad you found such supportive helpers.
Mine, too. We used to describe it to teachers and doctors as, “when this happens, the record button is not pressed.” It definitely complicates things.
Could what you’re describing as “fight or flight” be the manifestation of claustrophobia?
I ask this because it may help in how it’s handled. Claustrophobia isn’t on on/off state of mind. It has levels. If someone is suffering from it on the lower end then shutting the door and being restrained by seat belts would ramp it up. It could have started from a bad dream. Showering intensifies it and the car is a push off the edge of a cliff. Getting out of the car into the open air is the only way to stop a seriously anxious feeling.
When I was young I think I had a claustrophobic event and didn’t realize it. I just remember waking up and feeling seriously distraught. As an adult many years later I’ve had claustrophobic dreams and realized they were triggered from not being able to breath. You do not want to experience this.
As a child I didn’t understand what was happening. all I knew is that I was experiencing something seriously awful. Knowing what I know now I can recognize it and deal with it before it gets really bad.