During the days I was away from work, the bathrooms were upgraded with automatic toilet flushers. There’s a little box thing at the back of each toilet; the little box thing has a small black screeny thing, and there might be a kind of red laser beam thing inside the black screeny thing.

First of all, they need to warn people. I didn’t notice the change, and the first time the automatic flush went off on me, I almost had a heart attack.

The auto-flush triggers as soon as one’s butt is about two inches off the seat. This means that one does not have time to complete the chore that involves toilet paper before the toilet flushes. This means that one must then initiate a second flush, using the “manual flush” button, to dispose of the toilet paper.

I work with a few truly paranoid people, and they are whispering the rumor that the “butt detector” screens of the auto-flush mechanisms are actually cameras!!! Why oh why, my zany delusional coworkers, would the company want photos of its employees’ assholes?

Why, to determine who’s best suited for promotions to management, of course!


They’re for the new security badges. Apparently your company wasn’t satisfied with mere retina scans.

When the security badges with RFID chips first came out, my BIL worked at a place that used these cards. The sensors on the doors were mounted at approximately hip level, so many employees kept their cards in their wallet and “butted up” against the sensor to open the door.

One day a group of new employees was being shown around the plant as part of their orientation. One of the newbies saw someone open the door this way and asked the guide what was going on. With a totally straight face, the guide said, “Well, the first day you start here they take a scan of your butt…”

Time for lieu to find and respond to this thread: 34 minutes.
You are awesome, dude.

We have those on one of the floors of our building, too. But the dang things must have a screw loose - they flush whenever something gets anywhere near their laser scanner. This means they flush when you swing the door open, when you stand near them dropping trou, and when you get up. I bet the building management wonders why water usage has gone up so much since these things were installed.

While using a urinal equipped with similar technology, a youngster two fixtures away asked his Dad how they worked. Dad wasn’t a tech geek as I heard him tell his son that behind the black screen is a little man who runs the flushing valve. :eek: One can imagine the nightmares a child might have, knowing that theres a little fellow watching him pee, and worse yet, that’s the only job left after you’ve been fired from being a Wal-Mart greeter.

Our sensors are higher up, near shoulder-level. I keep my passcard on a cord around my neck, and I stuff the card itself into the chest pocket of my lab coat.

To open doors, I shove a boobie at the sensor.


Well, they want to make sure that you’re efficiently using the grade D toilet paper for which they paid thirty-five cents on the pallet. :smiley:

From behind the sensor dot: “How you doin’?” Is that a passcard or are you happy to see me?

They have those auto-flush thingies at the VBC in Huntsville, AL. Went up there for a hockey game and the toilet growled at me when I stood up. I am so glad I had already peed, because if there had been any left I would have peed again. My friend laughing in the next stall didn’t help, either.

Was it an angry growl, or more like the Big Bopper in ‘Chantilly Lace’?

Erm, what? Are you saying you stand up to wipe? If so, why? Doesn’t that, er, limit access to the target area?

Women are supposed to wipe from front to back to avoid contaminating the vaginal area with fecal bacteria which might lead to vaginal infections. It is difficult, if not impossible, to wipe from front to back without rising at least a bit.
You asked.

Depending on your wiping technique, it’s possible to leave one butt cheek on the seat, and just lift up the other one and wipe that way.

I have a dress that has large swooshes of black fabric in the design. If I shift wrong the autoflush goes wonky. Kinda like a really cold bidet. Try to dry with cheap toilet paper - spaz flush - dry with cheap toilet paper - spaz flush - repeat.

It was more warning than angry, and not at all sexy. Rather startling, 'specially when it was unexpected.