That sounds so much like heaven–I would so love a Christmas that didn’t involve my inlaws(including my SIL-husband’s sister, who is also a bit of a nutcase herself). Unfortunately, MIL and FIL live a mile away. I refused to move early on-I like this town and I have connections here, but they are a huge downside. My FIL, insane as he may be(he makes Rick Santorum seem liberal), at least was of great help when my kids were little. For that, I am willing to give him a lot of slack. We also agree to not talk politics etc, so we talk a great deal about the weather and the price of gas. So be it.
MIL is a nutcase, no other words for it. They never go anywhere without one another (this from a couple who screamed at each other all the while my husband and I dated-now they’re inseparable, but still at loggerheads-go figure). My husband swore to me that he would never let Her interfere in our life together or influence our kids. That lasted approximately 3 months. She has been a burden, an obstacle and a wedge ever since. I have pulled myself out of it as much as I can, but there are still the kids. And unless husband agrees, there is no saying no to holidays spent with the crazy.
One can bake a turkey for no particular reason just as easily as one can bake one for Thanksgiving. Or one can bake one for a particular reason–I want to and I want the cooked turkey for use in other recipes. Baking a turkey isn’t that hard. Carving one is a little more tricky.
Of course, it doesn’t have quite the same effect as baking a turkey and eating it with the family, but if you feel yourself holding a grudge because you don’t get to bake a turkey, by all means bake one.
Jesus. It’s awful that these poisonous, nasty, hateful people are more important than you.
What? They aren’t? Are you sure?
Look, I know how bad things can get- it has taken me 12 long years to finally have the relationship I wanted with my MIL from hell. But come on- continue to give in and weasel around and you get what you get. Period.
If you have kids, consider what you are teaching them as acceptable behavior.
Add me to the list of people who cut a toxic family member out of their life rather than continue to put up with the never-ending crap. My dad wasn’t invited to my wedding; he wasn’t even informed of it, and you know what? I didn’t have to worry about him ruining it, because ruining big days was his speciality. Being a father is more than impregnating your mother, and if he wasn’t willing to make an effort, there came a point where I wasn’t willing to, either.
Is it an ideal situation? Not by a long shot. He drank himself to death a year and a half ago, and laid in the house rotting for five days before anyone found him. Would I wish that on anyone? Hell no. Do I wish things had been different? Hell yes. But things are what they are, and all you can do is the best you can with the situations as they are. (Do I feel guilty about it? Nope. I didn’t make him act like an asshole all the time.)
Here’s a phrase that you can use in your head when dealing with a guilt-tripper - “This is not my burden to carry.”
I wish it didn’t take so long for so many of us to understand these things. Remember that you are the most important one in your life, and if others go into guilt-trips or emotional devastation over healthy, rational decisions you make, then it’s their fucking problem, not yours.
It is not your job to handle other people’s emotional states, even if they raised you to think it is.
Heh I’d bake a turkey, but the problem is that it’s just me and my husband, and although he is a world-class turkey fan, even a little turkey generates more leftovers than we can accomodate.
I’m sorry about all the manipulative behaviour and hope you find a way to deal with it.
However, on a more cheerful note, I am an expert in eating.
After you eat baked turkey with all the trimmings (e.g. bacon wrapped around little sausages, endless roast potatoes and gravy), you can have on the following days:
turkey sandwiches (good with ham)
turkey soup
turkey curry
turkey fricasee
etc.
Why yes, my mother was a generous soul who bought huge turkeys for Xmas. How did you know?
Are YOU my sibling? Replace the slapping sounds with the awful whump-whump of a booted foot hitting a soft stomach repeatedly and you have my step-father and mother, pretty much all holiday long. Not just good but GREAT times were had by all.
Both have passed away now, thankfully. I wouldn’t trade my worst holiday as an adult (alone, broke, in a strange city, with no family of any sort for 1500 miles) for even one of those awful childhood holiday “events”.
Geez, the old dysfunctional family memories sure pop out all over at a person during the holiday season, don’t they? It’s a wonder many of us can muster a whit of “nostalgia” for this season!
So throw the rest out. Turkey’s cheap; what would you be wasting, ten bucks, maybe? Just say to yourself, cooking this turkey is ten bucks’ worth of fun.
Mr. Neville and I bake a turkey breast- we get kosher turkey breasts at Trader Joe’s. It gives us a good meal of turkey, and another meal involving leftover turkey. We sometimes cook turkey legs when we can find kosher ones. If you don’t keep kosher, you should have an even easier time than we do finding turkey parts.
My parents have moved to a little place in Arkansas about an hour away. My father and aunt have a bizarre codependent relationship that comes from growing up in a small town in Arkansas with parents too drunk to care. So they’re attached at the hip. They worked together for thiry years, and now they’re all living out at this farm.
I’ve rather conveniently found myself unemployed for the holidays. Which SUCKS as far as Christmas gifts, but this year there was no fight over when I had to go home. Hell, I could have stayed there longer, but I felt guilty.
For Christmas though, all of the kids will be there, which means all of our personalities will get a chance to shine. Andy and Sara are the two closest in age to me, and there’s only eighteen months between them. Every year, one of them, impossible to predict who, goes into a deep depression, sits there with a morose look on their face as the rest of the house opens gifts. We’ve gotten better at ignoring them. Sara’s still getting taunted for her last one. “I said I didn’t want any sweaters. And that’s all you got me, sweaters!” heh. My mother, the queen of passive agression.
-Lil
Remember that you are the most important one in your life, and if others go into guilt-trips or emotional devastation over healthy, rational decisions you make, then it’s their fucking problem, not yours.
