Not everyone wants to "celebrate" Thanksgiving

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I got roped into another boring dinner with my parents tomorrow, and I really don’t want to go. The only reason I will is because I’ll get to see my nieces. I’ll probably just eat and leave.

I live 50 miles away, so I can’t use “it’s too far” as an excuse. :rolleyes: There was one year when I just stayed home with my cats, and I probably had a better time than my co-workers who were hosting 20 or 30 people, most of whom they really didn’t want to see.

When I was a kid, one year the teacher assigned us to write a story about what we were going to do on Christmas, and I just couldn’t write anything because I wasn’t going to write about my mother throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get any Christmas presents (hello, she was the one who always told us that she didn’t want anything and that mommies don’t get Christmas presents anyway) and that my father would be mad because he couldn’t go to his morning kaffeklatsch because he had to watch his kids open their presents.

And now, they will drone on and on about things none of us are interested in. I really don’t want to do this.

2

You can say no when people ask you to do things you don’t want to do. You can even say no when they pressure you very strongly into doing things you don’t want to do. Ain’t life great?

3

I do enjoy seeing my nieces, though. They’re great kids, and I enjoy being around their parents too. It’s having to spend time with MY/OUR parents that I don’t enjoy so much. And yes, I know that this could be my last Thanksgiving with them, blah blah blah.

4

Can you arrange to get together with your nieces a different time? Honestly, in your situation that’s what I’d try to do. Skip the sturm und drang of family thanksgiving, tell your parents to have fun without you, and set up a time to travel just to spend time with your nieces. Everybody wins.

5

I’m very fortunate that I’m not obligated to go to a big family thing on Thanksgiving. That’s always reserved for Christmas. It’s fun and stuff, but one family affair is enough for me.

I spent Thanksgiving all by myself once, back when I was struggling and couldn’t afford to travel. I didn’t miss my family, but I did miss the food. The microwavable entrees I cobbled together just couldn’t compare to a real Thanksgiving spread. So I vowed not to do that again.

Since then, I’ve grown to appreciate people more, with the food being secondary. Last year my sister and I were lazy and decided to go out to eat for Thanksgiving instead of cooking. We ended up at a low-budget Chinese buffet place because everything else was closed. But no bother. At least we were there together. Best Thanksgiving ever.

6

The good news for you is that you can go, eat, say hello, and then drive home.
I don’t see a huge downside.

As a kid, we had to go to my grandparents’ house.
Mind you, normally I liked going there on the occasional Sunday afternoon, when it was just my parents, brother and grandparents.

But on Thanksgiving? Horrible.
Idiot relatives all over the house, dumbass cousins (who grew up to be even bigger dumbass losers) and non-stop, full volume, football games blaring on the TV all day.
We had to be there from about 9:00 AM until about 8:00 PM, and it was like doing time in a Federal Prison - I still shudder when I think of those days.

Then again, over the years I have heard I am not the only one who didn’t have a ball of chuckles spending an entire day stuck in the house with relatives I despised. I am truly surprised there are not more dead bodies face down in turkey dressing at Thanksgiving dinners with families across the US.

So, once again - the good news is you can stay for a long (or short) as you wish, and then hightail it out of there.

7

I just wish I hadn’t said I would be there. :frowning:

8

“Something came up. I’m so sorry. Ooh, other line is ringing! Gotta go!”

9

I feel it’s very passive-aggressive to do that.

I already used the “I can’t be there because I don’t feel well” excuse once this week, although in this case it was true. I was supposed to work in the kids’ nursery at church on Sunday, and called in 30 minutes before the service because I realized that my scratchy throat wasn’t just from thirst, “and I really don’t want to infect any of the children.” Because two of those children belong to the pastor, to whom I spoke, he understood completely.

10

Thanksgiving is definitely more of a duty than a pleasure for me nowadays. My family has done Fakesgiving for the last 5 or so years, which mitigates it somewhat. Fakesgiving is when I fly up to my sisters place a week early and we all do thanksgiving then instead of on the official day. This is way better in terms of traveling and shopping for the meal. But what I like best is that it lets me minimize the time spent with the parents and still letting me celebrate the real holiday at my home. The downside is that I don’t really get the “leftovers” experience since I can’t bring any with me on the plane. And some years, my sis can’t get off for the right days and i’m stuck at her place with just the folks until the weekend.

11

It’s not passive-aggressive. It’s following through with a commitment while still maintaining your boundaries. You can put your best effort in maintaining an hour’s worth of happy-happy-joy-joy, and then your spirit starts to wane, tell your family, “Hey, it’s been real. But I told a friend I’d stop by her house and I want to get there before it gets too late.” Or any other lie you can come come up with, including that you don’t feel well.

Sometimes having a planned exit beforehand gives me all the courage I need to do something I don’t want to do. Usually what happens is that it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be and I don’t even have to bail out early. But just in case I start feeling miserable, I’ve got an “out”.

Even if it’s passive-aggressive, it’s better than sitting in a corner and sulking. Not saying you intend on doing that, but often people can pick up on the discomfort of those in their company. They’d probably prefer a little passive aggression over dealing with someone’s bad mood.

12

I agree with most of this - especially the planned exit. No one should have to be miserable. It will be much easier if you start now and I find it easiest to say something up front like “It is so good to see you, [hugs, kisses, hand them a bottle of wine or whatever you normally do], listen - I’m probably going to have to cut out early - I made some plans with a friend who is in town I almost never get to see (or whatever).” Say it in a confident, but almost joking tone - as in “well I AM going to be leaving, but don’t cry - I’m sure you’ll miss me and all.”

They may look disappointed, but hold your ground. Once you do this it gets much easier in the future.

If you do it up front when you get there - and hopefully they have gratuitously accepted what you told them - even if they don’t want to - it takes the pressure off you and you can enjoy it as long as you can - as you have already established your out. I will get up when I am ready to leave - put my hand on the shoulder of my host and say - “I had such a nice time…”. Sometimes I will do a - I guess you could call it - leaving motion - like take my dish to the sink - or put on a jacket.

If you think you might pussy out - at least try saying some excuse - so you sort of get in the practice for next time. To me I can handle most events for an hour or so. In my mind no one ever has the right to demand like more than four hours of your time. I think if you can give someone an hour - that is a good enough. If you can actually do four - and they are still complaining - they have issues.

13

Finishing eating, take a few more minutes and then say “Thanks for having me over, I’m going to head out now”. Say it confidently and with purpose and resist any protests or guilt trips. Not rude and you don’t have to lie.

14

Too bad you’re not (cough) feeling (cough, cough) any better (cough) yet. You wouldn’t want to (cough, cough, cough) get anyone else (cough) sick. (Cough, cough)

Sounds like the perfect reason to me.

15

Too bad; that would have been a good story.

One word: headphones.

16

We’ve had so many “awful Thanksgiving” or “my dysfunctional family holiday” threads here on the Dope, I completely support anyone who wants to bail out of the tension. It’s a holiday! You’re supposed to enjoy yourself! Not everybody has a picture perfect “holiday” family. Have Thanksgiving at home, and maybe invite someone you know who has no one to be with for the holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

17

The worst thing is when my mother tells lies about what our family life was like. I can’t tell the truth because…I just can’t.

:smack:

18

Serious question, would you rather fix the problem or would you rather just complain about how much the problem sucks? Because I feel like it is more of the latter than the former.

19

It’s really a problem that can’t be solved. I feel like I wimped out by saying “yes, I’ll be there.”

20

I hate holidays of all kinds! If I ever met a genie who granted ONE wish, it wouldn’t be for money or fame, it would be spent on NO HOLIDAYS OF ANY KIND. Sure, we can still have President’s Day and Pilgrim Day as an observed holiday, but after the wish, no one would have any memory of traveling and spending money unnecessarily. And anyone who proposes who have a national holiday gets shot in the face with buckshot for 24 hours.

I am always broke when every holiday comes along, I have no desire to cook or wrap anything for the weak sake of because… well, because, it’s THANKSGIVING or christmas or other crap.

Monday holidays only mean Tuesday at work is gonna suck major, major testicles. Due to gobbleday and Friday being a holiday, guess who’s gotta work on Sunday?!?!? I don’t want my football interrupted on the weekend, but I have no problem working a five-day week forever. I’ll take my vacations when I want them not when some Gregorian calendar tells me to. (And fuck Pope Gregory for THAT!)

I think my eradication of the holidays wish would benefit society like no other. People who work in a talking xmas tree factory or greeting cards that sing would go, “Hey, this is really stupid! Let’s go cure cancer!” or something.

Before anyone asks what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I’m not a fucking turkey. Well, a Fucking turkey might be all right; I’d get some sex initially. But I’ll still end up being killed and cooked all to be dropped by some dumb kid trying to serve his family by surprise and doesn’t know what the hell oven mitts are.

Why can’t there be an exception for those like me against holidays? I can work on Thanksgiving and xmas and Memorial/Labor days, but I take that vacation day when I want it? Why, why, why??!!?

But I digress. Happy Thanksgiving, Dopers. I’ll be enjoying my pack of bologna with squirts of watery mustard while I watch NFL games I don’t care about. :slight_smile: