If you learn nothing else in college, it’s to never ever allow yourself to be in this situation again.
I’m not understanding the degree of anguish she expresses. She had to take the ‘walk of shame’, with much less shame than men and women often do. Yes, men take the ‘walk of shame’ also, waking up with a hangover and realizing who they were with last night and what they did. It sounds like she made up the anguish after the fact, talking to her friends, turning a bad date into a sexual assault in her own mind. This doesn’t seem like a healthy way to deal with mistakes to me. I suppose any of us are vulnerable to that, people generally don’t like to admit to their mistakes and would rather blame someone else. However, I see an active attempt to make the message “Your bad decisions are someone else’s fault” instead of “You made a mistake, take responsibility, learn from it, and don’t make that mistake again”.
Yeah, she made tons of mistakes here and I hope she learns from it rather than pulling that same act on a guy much worse than Aziz Ansari.
More to the point, not a story worth rushing to a global audience and inspiring of a million outrage-tweets except that the man involved happened to be famous. It’s a non-story capitalizing on someone’s fame and other women’s stories of real harassment/assault to drive page views.
Maybe for the publisher but I can’t really fault Grace.
Now let’s take a poll and see if there’s any consesus on who was the worst of the bad actors here.
That should be quite interesting, and take no less than 10 pages of messageboard bickering… :rolleyes:
Pretty much. I’d like to think a more reputable outlet would have said “Sorry for your experience but there’s nothing here to work with” as opposed to some glorified blog jumping on it as their Big Break to get known.
I vote Ansari. It was hard not to put myself in her shoes despite being a man. “Hey, wanna screw?” “Hey, wanna screw?” “Where do you want me to screw you?” “Okay, let’s just watch TV.” “Now do you wanna screw?”
I vote the woman. Ansari was just doing the typical stupid horny male thing, which any reasonably well-adjusted female would have had no problem dealing with. OTOH, the woman made a big stink, wasting alot of people’s time and money, not to mention causing irreparable damage to an otherwise innocent man.
I’m sticking with the media outlet. I can’t judge between the people because all I have is the woman’s story as breathlessly recounted by an outlet with an obvious agenda.
Yeah they are the only real villains in this. She’s just a young lady barely into adulthood who needs to learn how to assert herself and he needs to stop thinking that because a lot of women want to hook up with him because he’s wealthy and famous that every woman is going to be into whatever he wants.
From his perspective, it sure looks like a quick dinner and then back to his apartment to shag is what he expects, and probably what he gets 90% of the time.
No doubt this does happen. But you’re not allowing for the likelihood of a crush on a star, in which the fan hopes for an actual relationship. I’d guess that’s more common than the groupie-style ‘I just want to be able to say I had contact with his bodily fluids’ wishes for one-time hookups, that you reference here.
When it comes to an actor or actor/comedian (as opposed to a rock star), it seems more likely that a fan would crave a relationship–not just a brief hookup.
^ definitely this.
She’s also a young woman who decided at this point in time to take out her frustration with an unsatisfactory celebrity hook up by having it published and accusing someone of “sexual assault.” This has been called “revenge porn” and that’s really what it is, and revenge for what?
I cannot believe that this woman is naive or stupid enough to not know that her falsely accusing this celebrity of sexual assault right now was likely destroying his career.
Communication is the key issue. Feeling violated because you’ve gone on a hook up and after having gotten naked with each other and having engaged in mutual heavy petting and oral sex with each other the other person keeps communicating what they want after you’ve thought you’ve communicated you don’t want that is a bit much. Going to the media with revenge porn because you didn’t like what they communicated and because you felt your desires and celebrity fantasies were not met well enough? Pretty low.
The publisher? Don’t know from “Babe” but a digital rag doing what a digital rag does? Give a dog a hunk of meat and you really can’t blame them too much for the slobber.
The recreational outrage social networkverse who are desperate for a next good public hangin’ to keep them entertained, nature of the “crime” be danged? No, murderer handy? Here’s someone who was rude and cut in front of a line! That’s murder too! Yeah they are up there as villains. They are the mob that drives this.
Ansari is guilty of having a hook up that went poorly in which he and his “date” misread each other completely, but in how this has played out he is more a victim than a villain, and the only one who will experience lasting harm as a result.
Let’s be very clear: what drove his being humiliated in the public sphere and the likely destruction of his career with a graphic recounting of a private consensual sexual encounter is precisely the fact that he is an effective feminist and public in the fight against abuse of power against women. If this was a report about Charlie Sheen no one would pay it any attention at all. The message to male celebrities? Be an advocate for feminist causes at your own great risk. Unless you think you’ve never had a single encounter that a woman experienced as you not completely understanding her, you have reason to worry.
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This is an excellent point.
Several people have commented that this incident “destroyed his career” or words to that effect. I’ve seen no evidence of this and think such predictions are premature.
I’d still like to see him playing Melania Trump on SNL.
I agree “Destroyed his career” is probably going a bit far at this stage, but you can bet there’s going to be a lot of people who now have him mentally classifed as “A bit of a pushy creeper” or something like that, which is going to have an effect longer term.