Sometimes I think about what to write. Sometimes the writing just springs out by itself. And then gets Spell Checked and I add some Random Big Letters and call it the MMP. (Monday Morning Post, ya newbie!) And sometimes the writing just springs out by itself and I read it and say “Whoa! Ain’t gonna post that!” Not even with Random Big Letters. This is one of those “Option 3” weeks. I have something I wrote, but you don’t get to see it. It’s a little too dark. And a little twisted. There’s death, destruction and Muppets. You don’t need to be seeing that sort of thing. So instead you get this Much Safer thread. Because I don’t want to be hauled off and thrown in a padded cell and have my children taken away and my Permanent Record marked up with red, permanent marker: “Icky. Keep this one away from a computer!” That would suck.
This weekend we went and saw our Best Friends in the Whole World. They just had a baby and we had to go look at her. By “just had” I mean “the day after Christmas”. But it wasn’t our fault! The kids were sick. All of them. Our two and then their two. (Now three, but I didn’t count the baby because we were worried about getting her sick, not getting sick from her. I mean she’s just a baby, how sick could we get?) But we finally got to see the little bug. Wow is she cute. She slept a lot. Then she woke up, looked around and went back to sleep. Well, she didn’t go right back to sleep. First she vomited on me. That was nice.
You know what? I don’t want another baby. (Not that it’s really an option unless we get a store-bought kid.) They are cute and all, but I’ve done my time. Been there, done that, have the puke-stained t-shirt. There’s no going back for me. Nuh-uh. But other people’s kids are cute. But then so are puppies. And puppies housebreak easier. Did you ever see a dog with braces? (The teeth braces, not any other kind.) I didn’t think so. But I did see a cat with earrings once. That was a little weird.
That was Saturday. Sunday I abandoned my wife and children and went walking around. It was such a nice day and everything. I played “Find the Trail” in Yellow Springs, Ohio. “Why does that sound familiar?” you ask. Because that’s where I tried to have the failed Fall Hike. Even though I printed up signs and everything. But we had our hot chocolate and that had to be good enough. But that was then, yesterday was very nice. Even if it was a little muddy. I walked around until I found half a bridge. Really, it was only half a bridge. There used to be the whole covered bridge, but when they made a lake they had to move the bridge and the new place only needed half of it. Actually it didn’t need any of it since there was a perfectly good concrete bridge there already. But they saved half of the hundred year old bridge anyway. It gave the local kids something to spray paint. And the local kids with spray paint aren’t very clever. Although Kelly apparently is a bitch. I can’t say myself since Kelly wasn’t there when I was. But someone felt strongly enough to spray paint it on the bridge. So I’m thinking she must not be very nice.
Before I was done walking I found the Grotto. It was special. It was, as one child so delightfully called it, “a cave with water!” I think that sums the whole Grotto experience up nicely.
So remember: Babies are cute and spring is nice. That’s the Official MMP. So don’t even be wondering about that other thing. And if you e-mail me asking for the other thing, don’t be surprised if I ignore you and don’t send it to you. And if I do send it to you, don’t even read it. And if you read it don’t blame me. I warned you.
-Rue.
