After 5 very long years living overseas (South Africa), I am finally “back home”, but this time I’m invading the west coast (California).
I’ve actually been back for a few months but just have been so busy getting settled in that I haven’t had a chance to breathe.
What have I missed? 
Five years.
Neat. I guess I’m the anti-you, since I am a South African living in California. What took you to South Africa for five years?
Rumor has it that a black man has a vague interest in the Presidency.
Dryer sheets.
I dunno, because I’ve been gone for four years. Expect this same thread from me in a couple of months.
Questions I have:
How bad is the economy, really? From what I understand, my beloved California is now more like Bangladesh. What is this Lady Gaga business? Why would I want to dance with the stars? Was that Chinese student who sawed a girls’ head off big news there? Did anyone in the US ever wear Y-3 clothes?
Eagerly awaiting answers.
Welcome back! How did that whole thing with Wikus Van Der Merwe work out for you - is that why you’ve moved back?
Heh, indeed - though that box you sent lasted me a very long time!
Snerk, Wikus van der Merwe. I came back alone, if that answers that
Married a South African (his name wasn’t really Wikus van der Merwe), decided to move there to be with him, took a little longer than I expected. It was definitely an interesting experience, though, and in the end, I wouldn’t trade what I have learned about the world, my place in it, and myself in general. That said, I am so very, very glad to be back on US soil, even if it is in completely unfamiliar territory. Seriously, California weather? How did I survive on the East Coast so long?
Did you fly in from Johannesburg BOAC?
If so, I imagine you didn’t get to bed last night.
I hope you didn’t need to keep the paper bag on your knee-
If so, you surely had a dreadful flight.
But hey - you’re back in the USA!
And I assure you that we all know how lucky we are.
That’s crazy talk!
Everyone knows that arsenicosis is quite rare in California.
Ahh, the wonders of wholesale clubs and buying in bulk. I’m glad they helped you. I was just wondering recently if you learned to do without over the years.
Are you still married? If so, what does your spouse think of CA?
There’s this thing called Twitter now.
It’s like a collection of all the brain sneezes of every imbecile in the world.
It’s great.
Does that mean the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief is nigh?
No, it means that Snot is King—even in non-election years.