My 8YO mudgirl has a swimming pool this year. It’s small; pretty big around, but only about two feet deep. I’d say four or five kids could fit in it comfortably. Six or seven kids can get in it if they’re all being thoughtful and considerate and behaving well. Hah!
She goes outside to get in the pool and before you know it, ten neighborhood kids are here wanting to get in the pool with her. About half of these kids want nothing to do with her outside of wanting to swim in the pool. If she’s around other times of the year, they either ignore her, or are outright mean to her. When they come get in the pool, they push, shove, go underwater and kick up water as hard as they can (keep in mind this is not a large pool) and are just generally mean and obnoxious.
When mudgirl tells them they have to leave (because the pool is getting too crowded or they are playing too rough), they either ignore her, or storm off yelling and calling her names.
Any suggestions on how to best handle these heathens? (no offense to well-behaved heathens; this is just how I think of them in my own mind).
Well, that would be easier if we had a fenced yard, but we don’t. Our “yard” is actually just a vacant lot (we live in the city) that’s off to one side of our house. We can’t fence it (well, choose not to) because we are in the city, and the empty lot provides handy, safe, off-street parking.
Even if I’m out there, I have to holler at them a lot, and I mean * a lot*. But, she is often out there from noon until approximately 8PM or so (now that school’s out) and I have stuff to do, I can’t stay out there with her all the time. It helps that I work from home and I have the pool set up so that I can see (and somewhat hear) what’s going on out there from the window by my desk.
But I’m hoping there’s some solution to the problem besides keeping her out of the pool when I can’t be right there in the yard.
When a group of them gathers, walk out there and tell them the pool rules. And it’s three strikes and you’re out, and if Mudgirl asks them to leave, they will, or you’ll call their mother.
You are the one needing to put your foot down. The rule should be that no one is allowed to play in the pool without asking YOU first. I am a little surprised you aren’t a little more worried about liability.
I also wouldn’t let my own kid in the pool without being out there, even if my office did have a window. It only takes a split second for something to happen.
My similar experience is this: We have a prime real estate sledding hill in the winter. Nobody is allowed to sled it unless and until they come to the front door and ask me, and their parents know this.
This is good advice. Your daughter probably should not have to have the responsibility to decide what is safe/good behavior around the pool and then enforce it. Especially if she’s having social issues with these kids, it will just isolate her more to be “the boss”.
She should be able to say “I wish you could play, but my MOM says you can’t. Darn” Even if she doesn’t mean it!
As a former lifeguard, I would be wary with that many kids unattended, even in a kiddy pool. Especially if they are not well behaved.
Rascal’sMom and IvoryTowerDenizen, good advice.
My cousin Bill lives with us, and he’s the one who bought the pool for the yard. We decided tonight (and informed mudgirl) that no one is allowed in the pool without asking one of us first, and if there are already four people in the pool, no one else will get in until someone else gets out.
I’m thinking about printing up a permission slip/liability waiver for local kids to take home and have signed before they can get in our pool, but have to consult with our attorney first about how powerful that would be, like how much weight would it carry? I don’t know. At the very least, it would keep kids out of our pool whose moms don’t know they’re here.
What about insisting on the presence of the parents for any neighbor kids to go in your pool? If the kids can’t behave, and on top of that are getting to use your pool, I think you’re completely in the right to insist on supervision.
When my husband and I were considering a pool, I was told anecdotally that we had to have a fence around it. It seems likely that you would be liable if someone drowned in it and your insurance carrier would have a million kittens if it found out you had a open pool. I don’t think there’s a universal law about it, it probably depends on your state or county (here is a link to a law about St. Mary’s County, MD), but you don’t want to find out the hard way. You might have to fence it, with one of those mesh fences if you can’t put up a real fence. I’m not sure if this would help your daughter’s situation any, though she could say, “I can’t let anyone in the fence without my mom’s permission,” and it would seem more credible.
This is exact ally what I did when my kids were smaller. I have a bigger pool, and I was worried about supervision. It worked out because the moms didn’t want to supervise all the time, so the kids weren’t constantly over. The trick is whatever rules you come up with, be consistent and enforce them.
I am glad you took that in the nature in which it was intended. I think it is important that you don’t make your daughter the “bad guy” here, in terms of enforcement. My fear would be that that would make her more vulnerable to bullying.
It bothers me that these bullies are using her. Maybe that’s another issue, aside from the liability thing.
I’m not a lawyer, but I’m pretty sure a pool is an attractive nuisance, so the combination of no fence and nonsupervision is a really bad idea. I don’t know if permission slips would protect you- what you probably need to do is be a hardass for at least a few days and keep the kids out when you don’t want them there.
I think that’s the ticket. “Sure, you can go in the pool, go get your mom” If there’s four kids in the pool, you’ll have four parents stadning around. That’ll probably keep a lot of kids out of the pool since most of the parent’s won’t be home or won’t want to go stand outside. Two things though, you’ll have to make sure one parent isn’t covering two kids. “My mom said it’s okay if Jimmy’s mom watches both of us” NOPE, out of the pool. (Tell them your lawyer was very specific about this) and two, if the kids are still rude and nasty and it doesn’t bother their parents it may be harder to yell at the kids with the parents stading right there.
Or, you could just tell all the kids no more pool, the pool is for mudgirl, period.
I wouldn’t want to do this at all. It would mean that when she has a friend over (a real friend) they couldn’t get in the pool, because then I wouldn’t be enforcing the rules consistently.
I do like the idea of only allowing kids when their parents are here, though. That’s definitely a possibility.
The good news is that on Monday (June 16th) mudgirl’s Day Camp program starts, and she won’t be here from 9AM to 4PM on Monday through Friday.
I think today, I’ll start telling kids that, number one, no more than four kids in the pool at a time, and number two, if you want to be in the pool, you have to have a parent with you.
Who is in charge here? You are the grown up, so you are in charge. Tell the children that. If they say they are in charge, say “You are a child. Children are never in charge in my house.”
Then lay down the law. First time they don’t listen to you about the pool, 15 minutes time out. 2nd time, 30 minutes. 3rd time, go home.
The only four people at a time in the pool is good too.